


Sunflowers and Black Holes.

by theweakestthing



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Drabbles, M/M, dabble collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-03-21 17:57:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 360
Words: 70,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3701395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theweakestthing/pseuds/theweakestthing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“But I think of you, and think of little but you.” — Arthur Rimbaud, from Selected Poems & Letters</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Crows and Doves.**

It was easy for people to view Kaneki as a wilting wallflower, tentative boy that wouldn’t look at a fly sideways let alone hurt it. Hide saw it, knew it differently.

“Hey, Kaneki!” Hide ran for the other, yelling as he did so. Kaneki stopped, stood there holding his books for his next class to his chest and looking a little embarrassed, it was the middle of the campus and it was fairly early in the morning so someone yelling and running was bound to draw some attention but that didn’t stop the corners of a flat stare from barely showing.

“Morning Hide,” Kaneki said softly, only looking slightly pleased to see him. “I’ve got class,” Kaneki stated.

“I know,” Hide smiled, most people would have bristled at that but Kaneki didn’t act like that toward most people and Hide thought of it as a kind of honour. “I just wanted to ask you something before.”

“What?” Kaneki tilted his head, looking like it was a trifling ordeal but humoured Hide all the same.

“Well, some of the guys and me are going to meet up with a group of girls later and we’re one guy short, so I was thinking…” he let the thought trail off as he smiled sheepishly at the other.

“Um, I-”

“You don’t have to lie to me you know Kaneki,” Hide said, pushing Kaneki’s hand away from his chin, “if you don’t want to come just say so.”

“What if I don’t want you to go?” Kaneki said, tilting his head to the other side and really there was a terrifying kind of intelligence quivering below the surface that made Hide shiver in that thrilling way.

“And why wouldn’t you want me to go?” Hide asked, suppressing his smile.

“That’s not what I’m asking,” Kaneki shrugged, looking away from Hide, “but if I didn’t want you to go, would you?” He looked back up at Hide then, from under his lashes, Kaneki could be so cruel.

“Then I wouldn’t go,” Hide said simply. “Heh, I’d ditch the whole wide world for my bestie,” he said loudly as he slung his arm over Kaneki’s shoulder. Kaneki tried to shrug him off lightly to no avail, Hide just tightened his hold, face close to Kaneki’s. “I bet you’re more fun anyways,” he said lowly, it was an innocent enough statement but it left wings fluttering in his stomach as he watched Kaneki poorly try to suppress a blush.

Kaneki wasn’t a wilting wallflower, Kaneki was a living breathing being with his own hopes and dreams, quirks and flaws, perfections and dark desires. Kaneki wasn’t in a million metaphors but he could be poetry, Kaneki was a boy just as Hide was and in that way they still had so much to learn about each other.


	2. Chapter 2

**Attention.**

It was easy to forget sometimes, but Kaneki didn’t, fingers tapping against the back of a leather bound book. He’d really only ever had one friend, he mostly kept to himself even as an adult, but the one he had was more precious to him than the books that lined his wall. Despite the fact that his only friend was currently late and was disputing the time that they’d set to meet up, Kaneki didn’t forget and his phone didn’t forget.

Hide stood there over him in the cafe, breathing hard and sweating, hands braced on his knees.

“Sorry, you were right, like always,” Hide said, holding a hand up.

Kaneki just raised a brow at the other and nodded in the direction of the chair opposite his, coffees already ordered.

“Yours might have gone cold,” Kaneki stated flatly as Hide sat.

“That’s fine,” Hide said, smile wide as he brought the cup to his mouth. He tried his best not to make a face as he downed the coffee, swallowing double as he brought the cup away from his mouth. Kaneki was frowning at him. “Are you annoyed with me?”

“No,” Kaneki said, not looking up from the book, fingers still tapping against the spine.

“Really,” Hide returned, one brow arched as he sat back in the chair.

“Yes, really,” Kaneki drawled, brows just slightly tipping downward.

“If you say so,” Hide turned his head away, looking around the small cafe and spied the cute waitress he’d talked to Kaneki about. Out of the corner of his eye he could spy Kaneki’s eyes on him, he smiled wider. “Do you think she’d say yes, if I asked her out?” He asked, nodding in the girl’s direction.

“She every time you’ve spoken to her she either looks like she’s about to burst into flames from embarrassment or like she’s going to kick your ass,” Kaneki said, flat again, eyes returning to the book and that frown was deeper than before.

“Are you jealous, Ken?” Hide leaned forward, putting his elbows on the tabletop, surveying the other’s face.

“What?” Kaneki’s entire head shot up, brows riding high on his face. Pink tingeing the bridge of his nose.

“Oh, I’m just messing with you,” Hide smiled, blindingly bright, the sun under Kaneki’s gaze.

“Whatever,” Kaneki said flippantly, setting his book aside and finally focusing on the other.


	3. Chapter 3

**Melody and Form.**

Music was Hide’s thing, a whole world that Kaneki attributed to the other, and literature was his. Neither of them were very aware or familiar with the other’s hobby or interest, but Kaneki would sit there with Hide and listen to the other’s latest album, his latest book in his hands. And Hide would sit with him in coffee shops and restaurants and listen to him go on about whatever he happened to be reading at the time, despite not always keeping up with it, Kaneki was enamoured by Hide’s enthusiasm.

Slumped back into the faux leather couch, old worn book bent in half in his hands and something to fit the mood softly pumping out of the stereo. Kaneki ’s eyes swept to Hide’s form pressed against his, feet dangling over the arm rest. Hide’s head fell onto his shoulder, soft little breaths crawled up his neck and that fluffy blonde hair tickled the underside of his jaw.

Kaneki gently set aside the book, leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. The music reached him better that way, as well as Hide’s scent, and he dreamt of sunshine and meadows.


	4. Chapter 4

**Beyond the Boundary.**

Stars in the sky and Kaneki knew their names, Hide listened intently as the other pointed them out, constellations, myths and all. Hide wasn’t much interested in outer space, he was much more concerned with earthly matters. The well being of the boy beside him was one of his primary concerns and he’d listen to whatever Kaneki had to say because it was all of great worth to him, words freely spoken from a boy that would only talk when he was spoken to. Hide held Kaneki’s thoughts like precious gems, sparkling in the moonlight.

Boundless wonder dancing in those eyes when they returned to Earth, to him. And suddenly the whole universe was before him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Condensation.**

Hide sat with his cheek pressed against the windowsill, fingertips smearing the window as he drew in the condensation. It was raining heavily outside and it beat against the window pane, he could feel it vibrate through his fingers.

Kaneki set two mugs of hot chocolate on the coffee table, eyes as grey as that afternoon, he shook his head fondly at the hideously deformed cat that adorned his window.

“You should sign it,” he said, sarcastically as he dropped onto the couch beside Hide.

“If you never wash your window again, you’ll be able to see it in certain light,” Hide turned to him, smiling bright enough to make Kaneki forget about the weather outside.

“That is until it rains again,” Kaneki stated, crossing his legs as bent forward to retrieve his mug.

“Everything’s temporary,” Hide shrugged, Kaneki frowned.

“Not everything,” he said softly.

“Eventually the sun won’t rise and the moon won’t fall, one day this planet won’t even be here, so we should hold onto the good things whilst we have them,” Hide elaborated, hand on Kaneki’s shoulder, almost possessive as it wrapped around the nape of Kaneki’s neck. Still, it didn’t sit right with the other.

“No,” Kaneki shook his head, “how I feel about you will never change,” he said with the conviction he could hold within his small frame.

And Hide’s smile turned blinding, enough to make Kaneki want to hide.

“Ah, of course, that will never change between us,” Hide said as he wrapped his arms around Kaneki’s shoulders, the other could only cling to his mug as Hide littered kisses all over Kaneki’s face, smothering the other with their permanence.


	6. Chapter 6

**Mills and Boon.**

It wasn’t like Kaneki had no idea what he was doing, he’d read and read ‘til he felt a little too familiar with the subject, but he felt as though he was stripped of all his knowledge as Hide stood there sunshine beaming out of his mouth.

Kaneki’s literary tastes didn’t cover romance, sometimes people would be in love and fall in love but that wouldn’t be the focus of the story. And thus he wasn’t well acquainted with the subject at all, so he read because he had learnt that knowledge was power.

Stood there with that sunflower of a boy in front of him, equipped with as much knowledge as he saw fit, it was no use.

Kaneki was intelligent and he knew it, he knew it well, but in that moment he felt as though his brain had liquidised and leaked out of his ear, dribbling down his shoulder.

“Yo, Kaneki, it’s not like you to space out so hard,” Hide said, waving a hand in front of Kaneki’s face. 

“S-sorry,” Kaneki said, “I was just thinking,” he added needlessly.

“About what?” Hide asked closing Kaneki’s door behind him.

“Um, just it’s kinda funny how love seems to turn people stupid,” Kaneki said, laughing lightly.

“I think it’s just happiness that makes all of that serious crap not matter,” Hide shrugged as he pulled off his shoes.

It sort of sounded right, but Kaneki couldn’t piece it together with the way that Hide had him more anxious than he’d ever been, heart squeezing tightly as his thoughts got all cloudy. It was more like he was under the influence of something that had him doing and saying things that he usually wouldn’t, drugged by the way Hide shone brightly at him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Between a Rock and a Hard Place.**

Hide could hardly believe his luck, not something most people forced against the cold hard wall of an alleyway thought, but that didn’t bother him not with the way Kaneki’s hand was wrapped around his mouth.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Kaneki hissed, white hair poking out from under the hood. Hide had never been so pleased to be rough housed, it’d been so long and at the time he had ached but there he realised it was more than an ache. An open wound bleeding profusely as he clawed his way to the other.

Really, he didn’t care much for the CCG, he was capable and the job fit his talents well but he wasn’t cruel and saw no reason in hurting people that had done him no harm. What had made him join was the niggling thought that grew and grew as time went on, he knew it was the only way he’d see his friend again. And so, he’d ran head long into a career that he had never given much thought to before.

He had swallowed down the lump in his throat as Kaneki removed his hand, Hide blinked in the few moments before he spoke.

“Looking for you,” he said easily.

“It isn’t safe,” Kaneki said lowly, “you should leave right now.”

“Only if you’re coming with me,” Hide said, it wasn’t much like him to be stubborn or dig his heels in, but he’d do anything to pull Kaneki away from whatever danger he was in. Hide wasn’t stupid, knew that just making Kaneki come home with him wouldn’t magically fix everything that had happened to the other.

“You don’t understand-” Kaneki started, but Hide had to interrupt. 

“I understand just fine Ken,” he said, taking one of Kaneki’s hands in both of his own. “It’s fine, we’ll work something out, let’s just go home,” he urged and Kaneki looked stricken, frozen by the force of his words.

“It isn’t as simple as that,” Kaneki said softly looking toward the entrance of the alleyway, hand still in Hide’s.

“I-I,” Hide stopped himself, knowing they were in much the same situation in that moment. They’re friends fighting for their lives, as if either of them could ignore that. He had though, Kaneki always in the forefront of his mind, doves and ghouls could all go to hell as long as he knew Kaneki was safe. “I just want you with me,” he managed to say, pulling Kaneki toward him, “so let’s go home.”

Kaneki shook his head, Hide felt selfish, felt rotten but he knew what would happen, how this would end and so he yanked Kaneki toward him. Other hand on the back of Kaneki’s head as he brought their lips together, sighing as he sunk into the feeling.

“Then I’ll see you around,” he said as he released Kaneki, “I’ll see you at home,” he waved at the other stood shocked as he exited the alleyway.


	8. Chapter 8

**“You never know the last time you’ll see a place. Or a person.”**

Hide was the sunshine, smile golden in the dark, like a lighthouse calling him home and Keneki longed for a home. He’d lived in houses and other people’s home, but he’d never really had his own. He understood that there was something more, something missing from his life that made a house a home, but he didn’t quite understand what it was he just knew that it was missing.

Yellow bounced off of those dank walls, teeth shining in the night and for once it didn’t spell danger, for the first time in a long time Kaneki didn’t have to be strong and he didn’t have to fight because Hide was there and the boy always knew how to make things right.

Kaneki could hardly believe the words that fell from that mouth, soft and gentle, Hide told him things that he’d only believe in a dream and he’d lost so much of himself already, fingers clawing to hold the tattered pieces together. And there Hide stood, telling him things that may have saved if they were only spoke months ago.

“Who cares about that, let’s just go home already,”

Home? The word was foreign, Kaneki had never had one and what was there left to go back to? It was hardly worth it, but those words sounded like salvation from the other’s tongue and Kaneki slunk forward at the sound of it.


	9. Chapter 9

**“In the night your heart is full and by the morning empty.”**

It was almost too warm for comfort under the blankets, but Hide wouldn’t have moved even if his apartment was suddenly hit by an atomic bomb. Kaneki was quick to tell him that he probably wouldn’t be able to do much of anything if the apartment building was hit by an atomic bomb, they’d probably just die.

“You know what I mean Ken,” Hide had whined, clutching the other boy to him, holding Kaneki as close as possible. “You always shoot me down when I’m trying to be romantic,” he muttered into the other boy’s hair.

“I don’t think being hit by an atomic bomb is very romantic,” Kaneki said flatly, but he let Hide hold him all the same. face and head littered with kisses.


	10. Chapter 10

**I Say A Little Prayer For You.**

Hide had never prayed before, Hide didn’t refute thepossibility that there might, somehow, be something out there to pray to but he was a wholly earthly man of simple needs and simple pleasures who only believed in things if he could understand how they worked. Nonetheless, he was on his knees beside his bed, hands clutched together and eyes closed as he muttered to himself.

His lips grazed the back of his thumbs as he spoke lowly, lump thick in his throat. The night was nearly upon him and before that day he’d only wished for time to stop just so he could enjoy moments, bask for longer under that gaze, that gaze like an intelligent deer, ready to bolt in an instant. Or maybe Kaneki was a sunflower, leaning toward Hide’s sunshine but also waning under it.

It was difficult to watch, but Kaneki seemed to only reach for things that would bite him, scars scourged deep where most couldn’t see them. Hide saw them, felt them work against him every time he reached out toward the other. So he prayed for the strength to speak his mind to Kaneki, that was if the other would allow him. He laughed to himself, just getting through the first sentence would be nothing short of a miracle.

That night would be a long one, a struggle, an all out battle, even without having to deal with Kaneki. Hide felt doomed, but he wasn’t about to give up, he wasn’t the kind and so he doubled his resolve and spoke his prayer a little louder.

“Lord, give me strength to confess my feelings for Kaneki Ken, he’s a good soul but he’s his own worst enemy sometimes,” Hide said, face scrunched against his clutched fists, “and if I could manage to study for tomorrow’s finals as well, that’d be swell, thanks.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Sleeping Away.**

The night was long and stretched out like shadows onconcrete before Kaneki, his heart was beating in a way it never had before. Slamming against his ribcage as though it were trying to break free and maybe settle in Hide’s chest instead, palm pressed flat against the other’s soft bed-shirt.

He wondered how he was so supposed to go to sleep with it running wild, chest clutching enough that he was slightly worried about his breathing, he wondered if he was getting enough air from the way it was shuttering.

Hide’s breath tickled Kaneki’s neck, lips almost pressed there, the feather light ghost of a touch. He shivered, really, he thought, how on earth did anyone sleep with another person in their bed? The way Hide was wrapped around him had him a little flushed and overheated, he wasn’t wholly comfortable but he wouldn’t dare move. Nothing short of an act of God would get him out of that bed, or maybe his bladder, maybe that was considered an act of God or maybe it was just cause and effect. His mind was flying off the rails and he just could keep his eyes closed.

He couldn’t keep them closed not with the way that Hide was laying there, sparkling like sunshine on the ocean’s surface, an illusion in the night, it was too bright to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

**Nova.**

There was a bright and blinding light at the centre of Hide, something hot and cloying. It pulled Kaneki, gravitational pull akin to what he might feel on Jupiter. His bones bent from the way he was attracted to the other, they’d be on the verge of breaking if they were apart for too long. Lips dragged along his collarbone and he could barely handle it, quivering from the way he was bodily pressed against the couch.

Kaneki thought that no matter what, he’d drag his body bent and broken toward that light.


	13. Chapter 13

**The Night Is Darkest Just Before The Dawn.**

Kaneki laid back in the grass, felt it against his cheek as he watched pink and orange stain the sky. Hide had told him not to watch the sun, to watch how it affected the sky instead, fingers entwined between them. And Kaneki felt like the sky, coloured by the way Hide was looking at him, shining so bright at him.

Lips graced his skin, pressed against where his ear met his jaw, Adam’s apple bobbing as he struggled to keep his eyes on the sky instead of the light that flickered softly beside him.

“Why aren’t you looking at the sky?” Hide asked, lips grazing over Kaneki’s skin as he spoke.

“Why aren’t you looking at the sky?” Kaneki returned, brow arched at the other.

“Because the real beauty’s before me,” Hide said easily, corners of his mouth curled upward as his flitted up to the other. Kaneki whimpered, making a horrible noise as he adverted his eyes toward the sky, Hide began to laugh and Kaneki could feel it rumbling against his side.

And he thought about how he was practically completely alone before he met Hide, his loneliness was a deep aching pit inside him that had burnt and singed for years. Then came Hide and the boy lit the canyon inside him, filling it up with those rays so that he didn’t fill so empty anymore.

Loneliness was poetic, but romance was more so and he stepped into it hesitantly with all the passion he had.


	14. Chapter 14

**The Moon Dances On The Water.**

There’s a moon that sits on the sea, its dull light shines off the water’s surface. It floats on a jagged piece of driftwood, feet dangling off the edge without touching the water. He shines cold and sharp in the night and is practically invisible in the day, but no matter the time he is always lonely. The stars shines brightly and prettily in the sky, he can’t reach them.

But there’s a special time, between day and night, some call it dusk and others call it twilight. All the moon knows is that the sun is his only friend, hands held out in the heated space between them. The sun is bright, brighter than anything he’s ever seen, and it smiles a smile so wonderful that it bounces off of his skin.

Sometimes they pass by each other close enough to hold hands, if only for a moment, and he revels in the warmth that is pressed into his palm. When they pass, he holds it to his chest trying to keep the heat close to his heart, waiting for the next time they meet, treasuring those short moments that light up his life.


	15. Chapter 15

**Educational Movies.**

Sex wasn’t something that was at the forefront of Kaneki’s teenage mind, but he wouldn’t deny that he was curious. Then again it wasn’t like he was bold enough to voice this curiosity or research it at all, so when the movie Hide suggested they watch after school suddenly had a love scene, it was suffice to say that Kaneki felt more than a little awkward.

“Ugh,” he groaned, sat on the floor next to the other with his knees drawn to his chest.

“Yeah, it is kinda awkward,” Hide laughed.

“I mean is it even realistic, do people just fell into bed together like that?” Kaneki asked waving his hand at the screen.

“Um, sometimes I guess,” Hide shrugged.

“No way,” Kaneki said.

“Don’t people do it in books?” Hide asked suddenly, “I bet that’s way more awkward.”

“I-I don’t read those sort of books,” Kaneki stammered.

“Yeah, yeah, alright,” Hide said with a wry smile.

“I don’t!” Kaneki yelled and Hide began to laugh, so Kaneki punched the other hard in the shoulder.

“Hey, Ken?” Hide called after a moment, rubbing his shoulder.

“Yes?” Kaneki answered with an arched brow.

“Are you interested?”

“In what?” 

“In sex,” Hide said simply.

“O-of course I am,” Kaneki stuttered, face aflame.

“Cool,” Hide said, turning back to the movie, the love scene had finished. Kaneki just started at the other incredulously.

“You’re awful,” Kaneki ground out and Hide started to laugh again.


	16. Chapter 16

**Sports Socks.**

White hair, socks and underwear, abs hard enough to wash his clothes on, Hide gulped at the sight that greeted him that morning. Kaneki stood in his kitchen, fiddling about with the kettle, scowl firm on that face. Hide coughed in order to clear his throat and get Kaneki’s attention, he was still nervous when Kaneki turned to him.

“What’s up?” He asked, toying with the hem of his shirt as he nodded toward the kettle.

“Your kettle’s fucked,” Kaneki said flatly, and Hide would have blanched it he hadn’t already known that this part of Kaneki, swearing and kinda foul, existed within the sweet boy he’d known for years. “It’s a piece of shit.”

“I’m sorry that it doesn’t meet your high coffee snob standards, but it boils water, what else do you want from it?” Hide asked.

“You’re going to kill yourself using this crap, the wire’s all frayed,” Kaneki said pointedly.

“Oh,” Hide said, he took the thing from Kaneki’s grasp and filled it up, “well one more use won’t hurt, right? I mean the only thing I can offer you is coffee, I’m fresh out of corpses,” he turned it on before turning to Kaneki, the other was grimacing.

“Don’t be so droll Hide,” Kaneki’s head lolled as he spoke.

“Lighten up,” Hide said, pointlessly squaring up to the other.

“Dim down,” Kaneki returned rising to the bait. The tension in the room suddenly snapped and Hide found himself crushed against Kaneki, the other stole his breath and made him dizzy. Hide struggled to drag his eyes open when Kaneki pulled away, his gaze heavy on the other. He vaguely registered that the kettle had boiled, somehow he felt as though he could relate to it, feeling very much like steam was rolling off of him as much as it was the kettle. If anything, the way Kaneki was looking at him was enough to make him boil over.


	17. Chapter 17

**Alternative Ending.**

In the middle of all the commotion, there was a calm. The eye of the storm. Kaneki stood staring at Hide and Hide stood staring at Kaneki, it felt like nothing else. Hide’s face cracked into that familiar smile and Kaneki couldn’t pretend that he was a valiant knight, couldn’t pretend that he was doing anything other than getting in the way and most likely getting himself killed. 

“Ken, let’s just go home,” Hide said wearily. 

And the whole facade shattered, Kaneki was just a man, still a half ghoul, but a man first and he really didn’t have enough information, practically didn’t know anything, to help or to do much of anything productive at all. 

Kaneki slumped forward, the stench rose from the water that curled around his calves, and Hide’s arms found him. Arms wrapped around him and for the first time, Kaneki let someone else hold him up. 

Hide drew Kaneki into his arms, carried him bridal style, his head lolled against Hide’s chest and he watched that face. That face like the sun breaking through a storm, light broke through the clouds and Kaneki felt warm. He could feel the heat, soft and gentle and the rhythm of Hide walking was sending his already tired mind to sleep. 

Despite the carnage, despite the destruction, the death, the tragedy, the pain, Kaneki really thought that tomorrow might be brighter as he slipped in and out of consciousness as Hide carried him home.


	18. Chapter 18

**Running Down Your Cheek.**

It was a dark juxtaposition, tears and skin, the quiet little sobs that came from the boy with hair like a supernova were enough to send Kaneki over the edge. The way Hide’s ribs pressed up against that lightly toned skin, Kaneki had to touch, bending forward between the other’s thighs. Hide’s ankles locked behind him, lips on his throat and he could feel the wetness of Hide’s cheek against his jaw.

His heart thumped in a rhythm that he couldn’t keep up with, a melody almost too complicated for him sang in his veins and it compelled him to dig his fingers into Hide’s waist. Pulling the other toward him, Hide’s back arched, head lulling back against the mattress as the tears continued to fall. Kaneki pulled away slightly with a pensive look, Hide’s arm shot out to stop him.

“I-it’s alright Ken,” Hide said, smiling wide, “I’m just so overwhelmed,” breath shuddering as he spoke and it made Kaneki’s skin prickle, a thick kind of heat rolled over him and Kaneki rolled his body with it making Hide jerk.

Kaneki slunk forward, shadow dancing in the other’s light, breaking that beam and he thought that maybe everything would be okay if Hide would always shine down on him just like that, just like that for forever.


	19. Chapter 19

**Ottoke?**

The air was thick with the scent of salt and the sun was practically blistering the sidewalk, Kaneki felt like he was wilting, waning. He sat in the parking lot of the seven eleven, concrete under his ass almost too hot to sit on, he watched cars pass by as he ran the pads of his fingers over the cover of his new book.

Hide sat beside him, slurping an obnoxiously coloured drink noisily, shirt just as loud. Hide was an explosion of colour, like a child’s drawing.

“What are you doing tonight?” Hide asked, Kaneki had to think about it for a moment. “Apart from locking yourself in your bedroom with that book,” Hide said nodding at Kaneki’s hand.

“Nothing,” Kaneki sighed, frowning at the other.

“You wanna meet me at the beach later?” Hide asked, lips pressed to his straw. And the look in his eyes made Kaneki a little nervous and a little excited.

“u-um, sure,” Kaneki said.

Pressed into the sand, hair feeling gritty and the night splayed out across the sky above him. Hide was on him, mouth, hands, tongue, breath and soul, the universe panted into his ear and Kaneki’s thighs began to tremble.

“Wanna go skinny dipping?” Hide asked, low and huskily, tongue sliding along Kaneki’s earlobe.

“Sure,” Kaneki bite out in a gasp, it felt like his skin was screaming to be exposed.

The moonlight flittered off of the water and his skin, almost luminous and Hide said he was glowing.

“It’s from the way you love me,” Kaneki said smiling sheepishly as the water cooled his overheated skin. “If I’m glowing then you’re shining like one of those flash lights that burns with the force of a billion candles,” his face hurts from the way he was smiling and Hide’s voice was bubbling over with that infectious laughter like he couldn’t contain it a second longer.


	20. Chapter 20

**Heavy Rotation.**

Slammed up against the wall of the toilet cubicle, Hide hadn’t seen that face in years and he’d never seen that expression upon it. The florescent lights flickered and buzzed, pale palm braced on the wall beside his head.

“I’m sure you must be angry,” Hide said tentatively with a sheepish smile upon his face, the look that was being levelled at him felt as though it were searing his flesh.

“Oh, no far from it really,” Kaneki said, but there was an edge to that voice that danced close to malicious.

“Look it jus-” Hide made to hold his hands up in front of him, but his palms met the fabric of Kaneki’s shirt and that hard mouth was crushed against his lips.

Kaneki tasted like whiskey and sweat, the taste was hot and fierce, Hide thought his legs were about to give out. Calloused fingers rough on his jaw, hand curled around the back of his head and Hide was thrilled by the feeling of being held forcibly in place. He sighed softly against Kaneki’s lips as the other pulled away.

“So, you did pull me in here for the obvious reasons,” Hide muttered, eyes half lidded and his smile was turning into a smirk. That remark earned him a rougher kiss, harsh like concrete scraping over his lips.


	21. Chapter 21

**Temptation and the Sea.**

Hide could spy the dark curls of pubic from the way hissweat pants rode low on Kaneki’s hips as the other sat there lazily leafing through a book, it was driving him insane. Kaneki had denied every advance he’d made that morning, the other didn’t even look interested in the book and the way those white brows would turn down every time was getting on his nerves.

Suddenly, those cold hard eyes were on him, pebbles in the snow, and Hide was stunned.

“K-en?” His voice broke as he spoke and he swallowed thickly watching the slow rise and fall of Kaneki’s bare chest.

“You gonna come over here or what?” Kaneki said in a bored tone as he gently placed the book upon the coffee table.

Hide sort of tripped over himself as he jumped from the couch and into Kaneki’s lap, straddling the other, Kaneki watched him with a flat stare. He worked slow, movements soft and languid as he tried to ply Kaneki’s mouth apart, fingers in that dry white hair like straw. Hide groaned, rolling from the back of his throat, he gave Kaneki’s hair a short sharp yank as ground his ass into the other’s lap. Kaneki gasped into his mouth, grey eyes heavy lidded and Hide couldn’t help but collide with the other like a meteorite smashing into the vast dully coloured ocean that was Kaneki.

Kaneki was always like this, distant to the point of indifference, pushing it until Hide felt almost at his breaking point. Then he’d put the pedal the floor, speed making Hide’s stomach lurch and sending a rush through his veins at the same time. Kaneki was all hot and cold, either as cold and hard as ice or filling Hide’s lungs with force.

Mouth to mouth, skin to skin and soul to soul, Hide’s skin felt electric and he couldn’t have taken his mouth off of the other for the life of him, he loved Kaneki through and through. He loved Kaneki patiently and all at once, it was something he felt in the very core of himself and he was sure that it was as unending as the universe seemed.


	22. Chapter 22

**Tapping My Foot Against The Concrete.**

“I want,”

the air hung thick between them, it was filling his lungs and Kaneki could hardly breathe in the stickly atmosphere. Hide sat on the couch next to him, facing him, face merely meters away. Kaneki waited with bated breath and his heart hammering away in his chest, he wanted to cut through it.

Kaneki wasn’t a patient man, wasn’t as pleasant as people perceived him. Really he was possessive, jealous, sharp and impatient, those soft parts were still there but the hard parts showed themselves boldly under Hide’s gaze. Despite his deep and unconditional love for the other, Kaneki was on the verge of strangling the words out of the other.

“you,”

Hide sigh and that word twisted like smoke between their lips, Kaneki breathed it in. Bolted into Hide’s lap, fingers digging into Hide’s cheeks as he pulled the other’s face toward his own.

Passion was something that most never got to see from him, everyone but Hide. The other was privy to many facets of Kaneki that no one else was, finger trapped in that sunshine hair and he pulled on it as punishment for making him wait. And Hide gasped into his mouth.

“I want you.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Mud and Wool.**

Footprints in the mud, it was a struggle to take steps at the speed that he wanted to, Hide wanted to sprint instead of wade. The rain was pouring, his jeans stuck to his skin and his hair stuck lifelessly to his forehead. He stood outside Kaneki’s apartment, dripping onto the mat outside.

Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to visit such a fragile person when was in the kind of mood that could shatter diamonds, but Kaneki was his best friend and friendships, in theory, worked both ways.

Hide rapped his knuckle against the door and shifted his weight as he wait for the other. After a moment Kaneki opened the door and Hide had never wanted to collapse into a room more than he had then, he might have also considered collapsing into Kaneki’s arms. Kaneki looked warm.

Kaneki was wearing pyjamas, cup of hot chocolate in his hands. His eyes widened and softened at the sight of the other, he stepped aside and beckoned HIde inside.

“I’ll get you a towel and something to change into,” Kaneki said before disappearing into his bedroom.

Hide stood there by the door, not wanting to leave his mark on Kaneki’s floor. The apartment wasn’t much of a home, to him, it looked more like the home of someone that didn’t expect to be there that long, a transient. It sort of saddened Hide, but he tried to make Kaneki feel at home whenever he was around.

Kaneki returned and helped Hide out of his clothes, they formed a clump on the floor, wetly slapping there as Kaneki’s warm fingers over his skin. Gooseflesh rose where Kaneki touched him and if he weren’t shivering Hide would have preferred to take Kaneki’s clothes off rather than putting on any himself.

“What happened?” Kaneki asked, wrapping the towel around Hide’s head. “You look so crestfallen.”

“Doesn’t matter now,” Hide said, bending down to pull Kaneki’s clothes onto his body. As he pulled on a jumper that didn’t quite fit him, Kaneki’s scent filled his nose and Hide sighed into the fabric. “It doesn’t matter now because I’m here with you,” he said smiling softly as he held the neck of the jumper to his face and watched a faint pink spread across Kaneki’s nose.


	24. Chapter 24

**Sweet Sweat.**

Kaneki didn’t really care for sweets, but the way Hide was sucking on that lollipop made him ache for some sweetness. The way that tongue flicked out, teeth closing around the stick and really Kaneki had never seen anything quite so erotic as the way Hide’s lips puckered.

The fan whirred loudly and uselessly, awkward boner in the sweltering summer heat and the thin fabric of his shorts wasn’t helping. Along with the bead of sweat that rolled down Hide’s neck that he’s eyes caught on, he felt icky and sticky. It was far too hot for it but his heart was hammering away from the way Hide stretched out across the couch, Kaneki sat there curled up on the armchair.

He could hear music from a passing car through the open windows, legs dangling over the arm of the chair, he wanted to vault over the gap between the chair and the couch and into Hide’s lap. And maybe he’d give Hide something else to suck on, and maybe Hide was slowly giving him some sort of complex from those wet noises that the other was making.

Hide pulled the free from his mouth, sweet all gone and that was all Kaneki could take. He rose from the armchair, strode over to the couch, awkward boner standing proud near Hide’s face. Kaneki watched the other swallow as he pushed down the waistband of his shorts, skin tacky as his fingertips stuck to his hip.


	25. Chapter 25

**さくら.**

Pink petals in that white hair, the sun shone stark and bright through the blossoms and branches of the tree that they sat under. Hide thought about how fitting the sakura blossom was with Kaneki, the trees were known for their gentle soft blossoms but the bark was dark and weathered all the seasons. Kaneki was made out of stronger stuff than most believed, a sharp viciousness sat hidden just under that skin and Hide found it beautiful, there was no art without flaws and Kaneki was as stunning as he was flawed.

Fingers curled in the grass, nails scraping the soil, Hide leaned forward and brushed some stray strands behind Kaneki’s ear. The other only smiled at him, lips curling upward and Hide knew he was hooked, had been hooked since grade school. He moved his hand down from Kaneki’s ear to brush his knuckles over the other’s cheek, his face was beginning to hurt from the way he was smiling.

“You’re just awful Ken,” he said, completely unable to remove his hand from Kaneki’s face and the other only smiled wider, leaning into Hide’s touch like a cat nuzzling against the palm of his hand.


	26. Chapter 26

**Start Somewhere.**

The window was open and Kaneki rest his head upon his folded arms on the back of the couch as he watched the downpour outside, listened to it tap out a rhythm against whatever it fell upon. The noise was slowly sending him to sleep along with the soft quiet heat of Hide sat beside him, the other was facing the television, watching something that Kaneki hadn’t picked up on.

Suddenly, the sky lit up and moments later thunder cracked in the air, Hide jolted beside him. He was pulled down from the back of the couch, the other’s head was pressed between his shoulder blades. Light and noise continued to play out across the sky, but Kaneki hardly noticed with the soft rumble that was Hide whimpering against the nape of his neck.

“D-do you want me to close the window?” Kaneki asked, but it was obvious that Hide didn’t hear him at all. Kaneki made to get up but Hide’s arms wrapped around his waist, pressed hard against his ribs.

“Don’t go,” Hide said against the crook of his neck, curling around Kaneki and that made his stomach flip. He swallowed as he settled into the couch, heart crashing against his ribs like the thunder clapped in the sky.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said as he closed his palm around Hide hands.


	27. Chapter 27

**Breaking Through The Clouds.**

Kaneki was hiding, literally and figuratively, literally the dark haired man was hiding behind the thin see-through sheet of curtain as Hide stepped forward. Figuratively Kaneki was hiding from Hide’s heartfelt confession, hiding from Hide’s love. Hide watched as Kaneki bowed his head, curtain pressed against his hair, as he hid his blush.

Hide lifted the curtain, pressed the other against the window, Kaneki had to climb upon the windowsill. Fingers on Kaneki’s chin, Hide tipped it upward and smiled at the tentative look on the other’s face. The blush was very becoming, softly brushed across that gentle face, he ran his thumb over Kaneki’s bottom lip and the other bit it.

Laughter bubbled over from Kaneki’s lips, noise like the flutter of lovebirds against his ear. And if rabbits died of loneliness, then it decimated lovebirds. Hide truly thought that he’d die if he were away from the other for too long, maybe two days felt like too long sometimes and he often ached for Kaneki’s presence.

He yearned to wake up to that sweet smile or even that glare that spoke of gore and pain he’d seen when he’d forgotten Kaneki’s coffee once. Ached to sleep beside that warmth, feel the soft puffs of Kaneki’s even breath against his skin.

Hide dipped his head, mouth sinking against Kaneki’s, as he embraced the other, arms wrapped around Kaneki’s shoulders. He’d make his home there and worm his way down Kaneki’s throat and into that heart; for even though he knew Kaneki knew no home, Hide felt that Kaneki’s home had been carved out in his own heart years ago.


	28. Chapter 28

**Kinishinai.**

Dying embers of the sunlight broke through the leaves above them and Kaneki wondered how long it had been since he’d actually let the heat sink into his skin. Wondered how long it’d been since he’d like himself enjoy something, anything. He hadn’t found much pleasure in anything, the surgery hadn’t just soured his tasted but the way he received the rest of the world too. 

Head leaned back against the bark of the wide tree they sat under, Hide slumped lazily against his side, he thought about how he hadn’t really enjoyed anything until the man beside him came into his life. Before Hide, he didn’t let anyone in, didn’t allow himself to get involved in the matters of others. Others were jealous of his intellect, scornful of his modesty and pitiless of the pain that he endured. However, Hide had burst through, shining through the cracks.

And in the moment that Hide looked up at him, head tilted on Kaneki’s shoulder, he thought that the rest of the world could fall, crumble like sand castles in the rain, just as long as he had Hide beside him nothing else mattered. 

He knew it wasn’t healthy to think like that, to weight all of that on one person, but he loved in an all or nothing kind of way, in a way that would cripple most people. Hide loved him back, though, just as hard and that was what allowed him to have that moment, basking in the other’s soft smile. 

“Let’s just go home.”


	29. Chapter 29

**Feathers.**

Whit plumage, wings spread wide, Kaneki wondered why they called them doves. Doves were the pure white symbol of peace and salvation, they weren’t that, if anything they were more like crows. A murder of them scourged through his friends without real purpose, genocide on their minds.

That was exactly what they sought, total annihilation of a species. Humans never reacted well to threats, a species ruled by fear, but then again, where ghouls any different?

Philosophy wasn’t Kaneki’s strongest suit, but he was aware that none of this was black and white, he had waded into a world of varying shades of grey and was walking a thin line that he often stepped on the wrong side of. It wasn’t his place to decide who got to live and who got to die, but he knew that it wasn’t theirs either.

The more he thought of it the more he just felt sick, head growing cloudy.

If anyone was a dove to him, it was Hide, the man was synonymous with light and warmth in his mind. Thinking that way, Kaneki thought himself the crow to Hide’s dove, that was a dark thought.

Fingers soft and gentle in his hair, Kaneki leaned back into it.

“Stop that,” Hide murmured, other hand braced on the back of the couch.

“What?” Kaneki muttered, sighing as Hide’s nails ran over his scalp.

“Thinking,” Hide said simply, “you’re winding yourself up.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Kaneki said, he let his eyes closed as he sunk into the touch and the couch.


	30. Chapter 30

**Stupid Cupid.**

Hand clasped tight around his wrist, Kaneki was dragged through the streets in the sudden downpour. Their feet slapped against the wet concrete and kicked water into the air as they ran, Hide was laughing, light and flighty.

They stopped under an alcove, deciding that it was better to wait it out than try to make it to either of their apartments, which were both more than five blocks away. Hide was still laughing, smile broad and infectious, Kaneki couldn’t help but wear his own.

Heart still hammering from how they had run and from the way that Hide’s hand was still around his wrist, that damned muscle was so treacherous. It always betrayed his thought, often doing the opposite thing he’d ask of it. Then, as Hide’s giggles began to die down and the other just softly smiled at him, his heart disobeyed him again and jammed itself up into his throat.

“Your hair’s no different,” Hide said, smile still so bright Kaneki wondered how there wasn’t a rainbow.

“Your hair’s gone all flat,” Kaneki returned, a little garbled from the way his pulse was racing. And the way Hide’s hair was slumped against the other’s face was disarming, as though he even needed armour under that gaze.


	31. Chapter 31

**My Answer.**

“Hey, I like you,” Hide said, nervously rubbing the back of his head. “So, please like me too,” he said with a sweet smile and Kaneki had never been so spoiled.

The wind whipped around the two of them and Kaneki felt the need to curl his fingers in the chain link fence, it pushed him forward, less than a foot in front of Hide.

Hide was smiling, like always, that bright look shining at him. It was too bright and he’d been so long in the darkness that he wasn’t sure if he knew how to stand in this light, wasn’t sure if he deserved it.

Kaneki wasn’t selfless, not by a long shot, so did it really matter if he deserved it or not when every inch of his body ached to take that extra step forward.

“Of course,” Kaneki said, smile thin but it was enough to display everything that was rushing in and out of his heart. And he took that small step, courage borne from the wide boundless smile that Hide was sending him, it sent him upward as he pressed their lips together. He rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand as he stood back a little, smile sheepish and a little mischievous. “I’ve always liked you.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Voyager. (nsfw)**

Reading, gaining knowledge from text, was one thing, actually experiencing it was another and Kaneki found himself floundering despite all the texts that he had read from cover to cover. Hide was sat between his legs, hand steady on his thigh as the other pushed his legs further apart. Kaneki thought that it was really too late to feel embarrassed but that didn’t stop the heat from spreading across his face, he grounded himself through the grip he had on Hide’s shoulders.

“Hey, relax would ya,” Hide said, that voice seemed to always dance on the edge of laughter, “you’re making me feel kinda guilty and I haven’t even done anything yet.”

“S-sorry,” Kaneki gulped, squirming from the way Hide’s fingers were running over him between his legs. He took a deep breath and tried his best to relax his muscles, which was difficult with how Hide was lightly tracing his knuckles over the inside of Kaneki’s thigh.

Fingers slipping inside him, it felt more like his body was drawing them in and the slickness felt pretty strange. Not bad, just very strange. He looked up at Hide and caught the other’s eyes, the gaze was heavy and hooded as those fingers curled inside him, it wasn’t long before his breath was coming out in short gasps and pants. Hide looked feral, predatory and Kaneki whimpered at the sight. Suddenly he was pushed down onto his back, legs in the air and bent against his chest with Hide between them.

“Sorry Ken, I just can’t wait any longer,” Hide said as he peppered the inside of Kaneki’s thighs with kisses.

And suddenly Kaneki was at sea, no life raft, nothing to hold onto as the waves crashed against him and rolled over him. The only thing that anchored him in place was the steady gaze that Hide held, and just like that all thoughts of nerves, embarrassment and poetry left as the other consumed his mind. Kaneki’s body was a small, almost insignificant vessel that was claimed wholly by the ocean behind Hide’s eyes.


	33. Chapter 33

**Towers.**

The elevator was out of service, Kaneki stood there for a moment staring at the sign before sighing heavily. Hide’s apartment wasn’t at the top of the building but it wasn’t a comfortable amount of flights of stairs away either, Kaneki pushed open the door to the stairwell begrudgingly and was welcomed by the strong stench of stale urine.

His face was set into a constant grimace as he climbed the stairs two by two, hand clasped around the grab rail for leverage. The place was foul and cold, entirely made of concrete, but Kaneki knew he had to pace himself lest he appear to be wildly out of shape breathing heavily on Hide’s doorstep.

It didn’t help that it’d just stopped raining, which tended to bring aromas forth and double their strength for a time. It also didn’t help that Kaneki had just gotten back from an exchange trip and hadn’t seen Hide for about three weeks, the distance made him ache along with those texts the other had sent him about what happened to certain animals when they got lonely.

When he finally made it to Hide’s floor, he was only mildly out of breath. He stood in front of the other’s door for a moment to catch his breath before gently rapping his knuckles against the wood. Kaneki was tired as hell, jetlagged, and really he just wanted to collapse in heap upon his bed and fall into blissful sleep for a few days.

But when Hide opened the door, all those thoughts of sleep drifted away like clouds clearing from a bright spring sky. Hide’s arms were around him in an instant, drawing him into the apartment and into the other’s embrace. Kaneki dropped his bags as the door closed behind him, sinking easily into Hide, caught in the other’s vice like grasp. He couldn’t contain his happiness and the laughter bubbled over and spilled from his lips in a quiet little giggle that shook his shoulders.

“What’s so funny?” Hide asked, voice like a ray of sunlight.

“Your elevator’s out of service and the stairwell smells like piss,” Kaneki said and continued to laugh, “and I missed you.”


	34. Chapter 34

**“They did not know that their hearts were once shooting stars, until they crashed into each other and created the sun.”— diaryofapassionatewoman**

Water was running in the sink and the clinking of plates filled the air, Hide’s hands were wet and were beginning to prune from the sheer amount of washing up he had to do. Typical college student, leaving the chores until he simply couldn’t ignore them.

He stared out the window and out onto the street, he watched a group of children flit around on the small courtyard outside his apartment building as the sun’s rays beat down upon them.

People often referred to him as sunny, but really he’d only been a small light flickering in the darkness until he found something to care about, something to love and something to protect. And when he found that, well it was as though someone had dumped gasoline on him and threw a match in his direction, and boom, he was an inferno.

His eyes caught on the form of his friend walking through the courtyard, he dropped the plate in the sink and winced as it hit the bottom, scraping along it.

Before Kaneki, he wasn’t lost or anything like that but when he found the other it was as though he’d found his purpose or something like that that he couldn’t quite describe. All he knew was that he was drawn to the other, like the kind of gravity that whipped meteors around the solar system, and he wouldn’t ever pull away from the other.

There was a gentle rapping against the door, Hide rubbed his hands on the front of his jeans in an effort to dry them as he went over to the door. On the other side stood his best friend, smile barely pressed to the other’s face.

Kaneki helped him with the chores, quietly but sternly scolding him for leaving it all for so long. And Hide laughed, gleeful under Kaneki’s barely there pout.

“What?” Kaneki asked, brows tipped down.

“Ah, Ken you look so radiant you’re practically glowing,” Hide teased, poking the other in the cheek, “are you in love?” He sing-songed, laughing all the while, Kaneki gave him a sharp jab in the ribs and said that it was probably from being healthy and having a clean home. Hide took pride in the other’s sharp smile, basking in it like the kids outside basked in the sun.


	35. Chapter 35

**“I never got over you. I just got used to missing you.”— wherethoughts-escape**

Haise was staring out the window as he buttoned up his shirt, it was a bright a summer morning ruined by the morbid work he was involved in. He was called to investigate a suspicious scene in a suburban area, big houses with big yards. Haise and Mutsuki walked up to the house, the place was in quite the state of disarray with gore everywhere, the sight didn’t much phase Haise but Mutsuki grimaced as they entered.

Going through the house and making notes, Haise eventually got to the backyard and stopped. He didn’t stop through choice, he just simply couldn’t move, frozen by the sight before him.

“Sassan, are you crying?” Mutsuki asked, concern evident in his face as well as his tone.

Haise brought his hand up to his face, his fingertips were wet, he stared down at the moisture on his fingers. He was thoroughly confused, why on earth would sunflowers make him cry?


	36. Chapter 36

**“…I had so much fire in me and so many plans…”— Claude Monet**

Kaneki was ready, he was so ready, hand shaking as he knocked on the door not from nerves but from the adrenaline. His heart was hammering so hard against his chest, it was wondering that the movement wasn’t visible through his ribs.

As soon as the door opened, all of that confidence left the smart part of Kaneki’s brain and really how was he supposed to remain functional when that smile was aimed at him.

“Hi Ken what’s up?” Hide said and the only thing that registered in Kaneki’s brain was the fact that Hide’s mouth was moving. Hide had such a pretty mouth and those lips looked soft, he wondered if they felt as soft as they looked.

And all that courage he had had went straight to the dumb part of Kaneki’s brain, it sent him surging forward to bring their lips together. In the split second before he began to freak out, Kaneki mused that Hide’s lips really were just as soft as they looked, then he came to his senses. Stepping back from the other and the doorway covering his mouth as a dark blush spread across his cheek.

“Saying hello the European way huh?” Hide said, still smiling away, the only evidence that anything had happened was the faintest blush that ran across the bridge of the other’s nose.

So Kaneki thought that he might as well continue since he’d started, and how on earth could it get any worse?

“I-I’m saying that I like you,” he stammered out, hands fisted at his sides.

“That’s funny,” Hide said laughing lightly, “I like you too,” he was holding his stomach and smiling ruefully at Kaneki and the other’s skin felt aflame as his heart began beat at a dizzying rate, it was a wonder that he didn’t collapse to the floor in a heap.


	37. Chapter 37

**“You were made to be kissed, often and well.”— George R.R. Martin, A Storm of Swords**

Hair still wet from the shower, Kaneki slumped down on the couch next to Hide. Towel draped over his shoulders, wearing only jogging bottoms and somehow Hide managed not to implode at the sight of the other. It was odd that the embarrassment remained despite them knowing each other for so long, despite him aching for this for so long, but seeing so much of Kaneki’s skin made his blood boil.

“Hide-kun,” Kaneki called and it wasn’t the since the other’s hair had gone white everything had changed about Kaneki, it was more like all of Kaneki’s inhibitions had been shattered. Plus the fact that the other was no longer as flat as a board was doing things to him.

“Hmm,” Hide hummed, sort of turning to Kaneki without looking at the other.

“Are you blushing?” Kaneki asked, voice curling like smoke in Hide’s head.

“No,” Hide said, long and drawn out, which was an awful denial.

Suddenly, he was pressed down upon the couch as Kaneki climbed upon him. He didn’t have any time to protest, even if he had wanted to do, water dripped onto his face from the way Kaneki was leaning over him. Hide swallowed thickly from the heavy hazy look in the other’s eyes, it was so unexpected as it was sudden and he was overcome with the way Kaneki’s breath tickled his lips.

Sinking into the couch and taking Kaneki along with him, hands wrapped around the other’s biceps, holding them together. Despite the steady need rushing over his like a river, their mouths came together slow and soft and Hide could only whine at the back of his throat, Kaneki swallowed the sound.


	38. Chapter 38

**“Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.”- Hafiz (via unmaiden)**

Back arched off the wall, head, shoulders and ass still to the wall, a leg between his own and how on earth was he supposed to do much of anything but quiver. Fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of inadequacy, they all tapped like spiders on the back of his brain.

Skin tacky from the summer heat and from Hide’s hands upon him. Breath coming out in short sharp pants and why couldn’t they do this on a bed instead of against the wall, if his legs shook anymore they’d give out.

“It’s okay Ken,” Hide murmured, breath tickling the sensitive skin over Kaneki’s ear and neck, “it’s fine to let yourself feel pleasure,” lips on Kaneki’s neck with the barest touch. Hide was the only person that Kaneki really trusted, he released his lip from between his teeth. He was ashamed by the noises that fell from his mouth, but the way Hide’s eyes were steady upon him made it seem alright, as though he deserved to feel like this with having done much in return.


	39. Chapter 39

It…was…so…

unsatisfying.

Yeah, it was nice and gentle and loving and everything that sex in a loving relationship should be, but it was just so achingly not enough for Hide. The little shudders and gasps that shivered out of him were nowhere near the screams he wanted to tear out of his throat, his brows come together and really he couldn’t handle it anymore.

“Ken,” Hide whined, “harder, faster, please.” 

And to Kaneki’s credit, the other did speed up and moved with more force, but it was still not enough.

Seriously! Hide yelled in his head, legs splayed away from him, feet in the air, he only had one sock on, how did that happen? Why the hell was he thinking about socks in this situation?! Hide groaned, a mix of mild irritation and pleasure. 

Kaneki was a ghoul, right? Shocking white hair, plastered to that pale skin from the summer heat and not from the way he was rutting against Hide, but the trail of the droplets of sweat along those defined lines of muscles was truly beautiful. Kaneki had incredible strength and incredible restraint, evident in those muscles and in the way he wasn’t hurting Hide. 

It was adorable and Hide did appreciate it, the care Kaneki took for him warmed his heart, but in that moment Hide wanted for the other not so care quite so much. 

“Ken!” He yelled, balling his fists against Kaneki’s chest, “I’m not made of freaking glass, just fuck me so hard that I can’t help but scream your name,” he ground out giving Kaneki’s chest baby punches. 

Kaneki stilled and stared down hard at Hide, blinking. And Hide could take this even less, the hazy hungry and possessive look in those eyes was driving him crazy. This had all started because Kaneki had been wearing sports clothes, stupid tight white tank top, stupid green basketball short and those stupid stupid white sports socks with the red and blue tops, how on earth was Hide supposed to control himself?

“You sure you can handle it?” Kaneki said, brows slightly tipped down. 

“Oh my god yes,” Hide blabbered. 

Hide was immediately flipped over onto his knees and Kaneki’s hips began to snap against his backside, he couldn’t have stopped the throaty moan from tearing out of him even if he had wanted to. 

“Ah, Ken, yes,” he moaned, fingers slickly coiling in the sheets, almost pulling it from the mattress. Kaneki gripped his hips tightly, nails digging into his flesh and it made him hiss with teeth bared. 

Kaneki’s onslaught was relentless and finally Hide got what he asked for, Kaneki’s name spilling from his mouth every few seconds as his muscles began to tremble. Calloused fingers around his twitching dick and suddenly he’s bowled over, face and teeth in the sheets as he came. And Kaneki wasn’t far behind, fingers digging so hard into his hips that maybe those fingerprints would be left behind, wet, hot and sticky inside. Kaneki slumped upon him and finally Hide was sated.


	40. Chapter 40

**“You shouldn’t grieve so much. You shouldn’t yearn so for something. One shouldn’t be waiting for something.”- The Sacrifice (1986) dir. by Andrei Tarkovsky (viaviolentwavesofemotion)**

Kaneki hadn’t thought about it for a while, so wrapped up he had been in his revenge, vindication and selfish rage, he’d been so wrapped up in the problems that he had tried to convince himself that were not only his own, wrapped up in an endeavour that was just below the surface wholly selfish.

Crawling through the sewer on his hands and knees, his tired mind devouring itself, muttering inane and insane things, that man who had once been his only friend was stood before him. And for a moment he didn’t believe it, firstly because it was just too good to be true and secondly because he knew he didn’t deserve the other’s kind grace.

“I know Ken,” hand planted on his shoulder, gaze level with his own, “who cares about that,” Hide spat, smiling as though they were back at university and the only thing they had to worry about was handing in assignments on time, really the sight was tragic and the mask either slid off his face or shattered. “Let’s just go home,” and all that caged yearning and desire and longing broke free, Kaneki slumped forward mouth open wide.


	41. Chapter 41

Kaneki’s hard stoic eyes faltered as the blush crawled up his face, he bent over pulling off the mask and buried his face in his hands.

“I’m sorry Hide,” he mumbled, “it’s so embarrassing.” He split his fingers so he could spy Hide’s disappointment, which he didn’t find. The other erupted into laughter, that sunny smile spread across his face.

“I will admit it’s a little awkward, but I seem to remember a certain someone going on and on about how sexy I look in my uniform,” that smile curled viscous with mischief and that memory crawled into the back of Kaneki’s brain, he groaned and the noise rolled in his throat. 

“You’re the worst,” he growled, lifting his head from his hands.

“You’ve said different,” Hide returned, eyes alight with cheek and desire. 

Kaneki stood up straight, eyes dark and dangerous. Suddenly Hide was pinned to the wall, Kaneki’s extra limbs shooting out fast enough to give the other vertigo. Hide’s eyes were blown wide and it felt like his heart had leapt into his throat, he could hardly swallow around. Kaneki stepped toward the other slowly, stalking. Close enough to kiss and close enough kill, he feel the rapid beat of Hide’s heart. Mouth less than an inch away from Hide’s own, he spoke.

“I also seem to remember someone, a certain someone, begging me to fuck them in this outfit,” and at the sound of that voice dark like smoke, heat rolled shakily over Hide’s body. At that Kaneki smiled something wicked and Hide had never been as aroused as he was in that moment.


	42. Chapter 42

“…” 

Kaneki stood in the bathroom blinking as though maybe what he was seeing wasn’t true and would disappear the moment he opened his eyes again, it didn’t though.

Hide was sat in Kaneki’s bath, bubbles surrounding him, and the other must have known when Kaneki was getting home because there was still steam coming from the water in the bathtub. 

“Care to join me Ken?” Hide asked, the sparkle and shine of his smile bounced off the tiles and blinded Kaneki, the other winced at the sight. 

It took a whole lot of coaxing and a great display of flesh before Kaneki was finally in the bath, Hide was that as an achievement in itself. Kaneki sat down in front of Hide, the other’s legs on either side of his body. Arms wrapped around Kaneki’s torso and lips to his shoulder, he sighed into the touch and the heat of the water. It really was quite nice after a long day at school. 

“Your blush is so precious, like sakura blossom falling from the pale spring sky,” Hide muttered, breath tickling Kaneki as it rolled over the other’s sensitive skin. 

Kaneki’s face felt aflame at the declaration, which was funny considering the fact that he was already naked in the bath with the other, but the way his heart fluttered lightly in his chest made him dizzy and he’d keep that comment clutched in the talons of his winged heart like a magpie’s treasure.


	43. Chapter 43

**Je t’aime.**

Kaneki thought that love was an odd thing, friendship planted a seed in his chest and grew from the sunshine and rain that was brought from the pair of them coming back together, it bloomed like a large flower. Petals beautiful and delicate, it waned and moved with the press of the wind, but it was stronger, far stronger than Kaneki had ever thought he could be. Hide made him strong, made him brave, Hide showed him lands he never would have discovered on his own, made him feel all sorts of things he had once thought himself incapable of. Hide gave him the power to believe in himself and that was the greatest power of all.


	44. Chapter 44

**Reverse//:**

Teeth on his skin, fingers digging into his flesh, Hide was blown away by Kaneki’s intensity. On him and all around him, heated skin and heated breath pressed upon him. It made him rive, legs twitching from the way Kaneki ran his fingers over the inside of Hide’s thigh.

Sheets turning damp from how Kaneki would press down hard and then pulled back, all hot and cold and Hide was a panting mess. Fingers tangled in snow white hair, one eye alight with the fire of desire and the other dark and hungry with deep cloying lust.

Shivering, skin tacky with his legs wrapped around Kaneki’s waist, drawing the other in. Damp pads of slick fingers digging into his ribs, it felt so good Hide could only moan wantonly.

Coming to Kaneki was akin to crawling through the desert to find the ocean, and Hide was thirsty. Mouth open wide and waiting for Kaneki to dive in.


	45. Chapter 45

**Fixing A Hole.**

The sky was a clear and deep blue, as though the sea was reflected there. Sand under his feet, Kaneki curled his toes and pouted at how hot everything was.

“Do want an ice cream Ken?” Hide asked, smiling softly beside him.

Kaneki just drew his legs closer to his chest and nodded, he was embarrassed by himself. As he watched Hide go off, he thought about how he was ruining their first real date by being completely awkward. How was he supposed to act though, when Hide was being gentlemanly and considerate and paying him all kinds of compliments, well he just couldn’t handle all the attention.

Hide came back with two blue ice creams, he held out one for Kaneki and as the other took it their fingers brushed. The slightest of touches brought a blush to Kaneki’s already over heated face, it also didn’t help that Hide was sending him the warmest of smiles.

“Hey Ken, do you want me to rub sun cream on you?” Hide asked out of nowhere, smile turning ever so slightly mischievous.

“What?!” Kaneki stammered, only then realising how close they were, knees brushing together.

“Well, you look a little sun burnt is all,” Hide shrugged and turned to look out over the sea as he ate his ice cream. Kaneki frowned hard.

“You’re just awful Hide,” he muttered and Hide laughed that chiming light laughter, Kaneki joined in and suddenly he wasn’t so embarrassed.


	46. Chapter 46

**Dig.**

Nails scraping down his throat, the scent Kaneki gave off was heady and it was making his mind hazy. Teeth on his ear and Kaneki was saying sinful things that the other’s former self would have died of embarrassment before saying, those words sent heat rolling over Hide’s body in waves. Pressed up against the fridge with one of Kaneki’s hands down the front of his jeans and the other digging into his collarbone, breathing heavy, clinging onto Kaneki and begging for more was all he seemed capable of doing. 

“K-ken, ah,” he whined into the crook of Kaneki’s neck. Fingers caught in the front of the other’s plain t-shirt. 

“It’s alright to just let go Hide,” Kaneki muttered, tongue flicking out against the shell of Hide’s ear, “it’s alright because I’ve got you,” and at that Hide slipped away, allowing Kaneki’s mouth to cover his own fully.


	47. Chapter 47

**Hunger.**

Teeth smacking down on the burger, Kaneki turned his nose up, curling his lip at the sound. His own teeth bared because it was one of those things that they used to do together and no longer could.

Hair gone coarse like the bristles of a broom, like his personality, Kaneki ran his fingers through it for something to do other than snap at the other. Really, it wasn’t Hide’s fault the other was hungry and burgers were their favourite food.

Kaneki thought about the double standards, how he had to sit there and endure the stench as Hide ate, but Kaneki couldn’t bring a corpse into the apartment and tuck in. He groaned at himself, sinking further into the couch.

“You alright Ken?” Hide asked, concern as evident on his face as it was in his tone, looking up from his meal where he sat at the small breakfast table.

“I’m fine Hide, don’t let me spoil your meal,” Kaenki said strained, pinching the bridge of his nose as he leaned his head back against the arm of the couch.

“I could go to another room and eat this,” Hide said, amiably, “if that’d make you feel better.”

“It’s your apartment Hide, I’m gonna stop you from having dinner,” Kaneki said, growing more irritated with himself by the second.

“Yeah, but it’s not like you invite me over when you’re eating dinner,” Hide returned, voice turning stern and serious.

“That’s beside the point,” Kaneki groaned.

“It’s exactly the point,” Hide replied, brows pointed down. He rose from his seat and set his dinner in the microwave before heading off to the bathroom.

“What were you doing in there?” Kaneki asked when Hide returned, he was feeling guilty and a little pathetic.

“Brushing my teeth,” Hide said smiling, “I’d hope you’d do the same after every meal, I don’t want you kissing me with corpse breath,” he said, snickering to himself.

“Wow,” Kaneki groused, rolling his eyes as he made room for Hide on the couch, smiling into the kiss that Hide laid upon him as the other sunk against his frame.


	48. Chapter 48

**Skylines.**

The cityscape was wide and stretched out to the horizon, beautiful metal and concrete grey panoramic view. The sun hadn’t long risen so the light the breeze kept the chill in the air as Kaneki leant against the guard rail on his elbows, he shuddered as he breathed in. The chill ran up his legs from the way he was only wearing his boxers and a plain t-shirt.

His neighbour, a friendly slightly older woman, commented on Kaneki’s nails saying that she knew boys wore nail polish but had never heard of boys wearing it on their toes. Kaneki said that he liked to go the whole nine yards with a gentle and polite smile, it seemed she was still working up to commenting on his hair.

“Not to discount the hotness of your previous look, but damn Ken,” Hide wolf whistled as he set down some groceries on the kitchen counter, Kaneki laughed. Mornings like these made life seem worth living again.


	49. Chapter 49

_Be cool Hide, be cool, just like you practiced this morning._

Kaneki was sat in his favourite coffee shop as always, reading a book like always. The small smile lit up the entirety of the boy’s face, Kaneki really came to life when it came to literature. The sight warmed Hide’s heart, almost to the point where he forgot what he’d been meaning to do.

_Oh right, today is the day I confess to Ken._

Hide almost sighed at himself, he tried to walk up to the other as naturally as possible, but he felt so stiff that even the staff gave him that awkward funny sort of look. And really, how was he supposed to cope when his heart was stuttering so. Kaneki had done a number on him without even realising it, which Hide thought was a little out of order since he’d been quietly suffering for some time now.

“Hey Ken,” Hide said as he approached the other, sitting down in front of Kaneki for something to do other than be awkward.

“Hi,” Kaneki said, smile shooting up at Hide like an arrow shot straight from cupid’s very own bow.

Hide’s throat felt tight and dry the moment he thought of what he wanted to say next.

“Um Ken,” he started awkwardly, which was much the same way he’d been doing things all day. And damn he’d planned it all out perfectly last night, the exact way to say everything so that he didn’t look like a sap or a creep and Kaneki would fall into his open arms with ease, but then again nothing ever went quite the way he’d imagined them. He swallowed thickly and tried again. “Ken I-” he cut himself off with a fit of coughing.

Kaneki looked over his book with mild concern which grew as the coughing continued.

“H-hide, should I get you some water?” He asked with pinched brows. Hide was bent over double against the table, he put his thumb up and nodded as an answer. 

“Well, um what I was trying to say, before the air rudely interrupted, is that I really like you Ken,” Hide said after he had drunk his water and settled down, Kaneki began to laugh, leaning back in his chair.

“The feelings mutual you idiot,” Kaneki said, wiping a tear from his eye with the back of his hand.


	50. Chapter 50

**“You were taught in Sunday School,  
that battle was not beautiful.  
They lied, or so you still believe.   
For what else could he be,  
when you look at him and see,   
the most divine of any sin?”— Maybe you’ve always been a solider, and maybe he’s only the war of what might have been | p.d (via honesteve)**

Hide stood in the alleyway, watching the fight, it was bloody and it was stunning. He knew he shouldn’t find beauty in the destruction of his colleagues, of his friends, but the way Kaneki moved was mesmerising, eye catching in that way that had him frozen, only able to breathe the chilly air.

When had this happened, when had his friend, the person closest to him in the whole world, changed almost beyond recognition?

His heart hammered away in his chest, it wasn’t from the danger, it wasn’t from fear, he hadn’t been feeling either of those things only moments before. It was from the way Kaneki moved, already drenched in blood, the man looked cruel, the man looked cold. He knew Kaneki was not those things, his friend was one of the warmest people, heart plated in gold. Kaneki never did anything without reason, never did anything if it wouldn’t benefit anyone.

So why was the other here? This death wish of a place, it was more like an open grave than a street, there was nothing to be gained here, nothing to be salvaged, nothing to be claimed.

Hide smiled, thinking that Kaneki must have been doing the same thing as him, protecting his friends no matter how redundant the act seemed.


	51. Chapter 51

**“The saddest sound in this entire world is the crack in someone’s voice right before they’re about to cry.”— 12/21/14**

Kaneki was slowly coming to his senses, he blinked the sleep from his eyes. Staring up at the ceiling, it was an unfamiliar ceiling. He could hear the sound of rushing water and felt the low quality of the sheets over and under his skin, a love hotel maybe.

The only thing that ached was his head, it pounded viscously every time he tried to remember exactly what had happened to him. He was certain that he’d gone to help the manager, had gone to fight alongside his friends. He’d tried to escape through the sewer and somehow he’d ended up in a hotel. It hurt to think about what was missing, so he stopped and listened to the soothing sound of rushing water instead.

“Ken,” Hide’s voice came softly.

He’d fallen asleep, awoken by a voice he would have sworn he’d never hear again. Kaneki leant up on his elbows and stared hard at the other.

“Hide?” He said, confusion marring his tone, as he rubbed his eye with the back of his hand.

“Yeah, it’s me,” Hide said, Kaneki more felt the bed shift than saw Hide sit. A hand on his shoulder and that really brought it home, Hide was there, flesh, blood and bone.

A lump formed in Kaneki’s throat and tears swelled in his eyes. He sat up and wiped the tears away, trying to hide from the other, but what was the use in that when it was obvious that Hide had already seen him in whatever terrible state he’d been in down in that sewer. Wearing guts, glory and madness like a second skin.

“I know it’s not quite home but I was thinking that home was anywhere where we’re together,” Hide’s voice broke and the boy Kaneki always thought of as pure sunshine encased in soft skin had tears running down his face, Kaneki couldn’t help but follow suit.


	52. Chapter 52

**“All I can offer you is me. This incomplete, broken person. And I’m trying to give myself to you, and you just ignore me.”— shelfofmemories**

Hide knew, had known all along, had known the instant he saw the other after the operation. Had tried so hard to reach out for Kaneki, but the other was scared and fragile so he hadn’t pushed or pried. He’d waited quietly beside the other, had sat there being the most patient and understanding friend that he could be.

Something had happened though, something that pulled Kaneki further from him. And suddenly he was alone, people thought Kaneki was lonely and stoic, that image of the lonely boy sitting in coffee shops and reading books. Hide was a wholly different kind of lonely, a silent loneliness that he held within himself, bore it like a weight heavy upon his shoulders but never showed it to anyone.

It had been such a long time, but stood in that place, water around his ankles, Hide realised that it may have never worked out, that maybe he would have always given it all up just so Kaneki could survive just for that little bit longer.


	53. Chapter 53

**“Some people can’t believe in themselves until someone else believes in them first.”— Good Will Hunting (1997), Dir. Gus Van Sant**

Kaneki hadn’t looked back for a long time, hadn’t thought about who he’d been before Hide had come along at all really. He sat watching the way Hide cooked, stirring the aroma of meat and spice into the air, thinking on who he had once been.

A timid little boy, terrified of making connections lest he lose them, scared of showing his true colour incase no one liked him. He’d come a long way since then, grown and changed organically and forcefully, the world and some of the people in it had shaped him, but none more so than Hide.

No one had a hold on him like Hide did, no one else even entered into it. It was kind of sad somehow, how he didn’t really have anyone else, but he didn’t need a flock of other people to make himself feel whole.

His life didn’t revolve around Hide, but it’d be hollow without the other.


	54. Chapter 54

**“The most difficult thing to admit, and to realize with one’s whole being, is that you alone control nothing.”— Henry Miller, A Literate Passion: Letters of Anaïs Nin & Henry Miller, 1932-1953 **

He could see the soles of his feet in Hide’s wall mounted mirror, toes curled and legs quaking. The warmth that pressed against the inside of his thighs from the way they were wrapped around Hide’s torso, skin sticking but Kaneki couldn’t find it in himself to really care.

Breaths came shuddered and gasped between them, Hide breathed against his ear and it trailed down, tickling his neck. Hair tickling the side of his face, chest rising and falling in a stuttered and uneven rhythm.

Fingers grappling for something and Kaneki he had no control, teeth bared as he whined the other’s name, pulling on Hide’s bleached locks. The other hissed but smiled, Hide smiled like a lighthouse, its beam reaching every dark corner within him. Felt Hide’s touch rattle through him, chasing something so bright it was impossible to discern its form as the sweat cooled upon his skin.


	55. Chapter 55

**“Say I am a series of creeks  
& I am warm, warm, giving, giving, always feeding  
into someone else.” - Raena Shirali, from “say I am a series of creeks” published on Better**

Kaneki sat on the bench watching the ducks nip at the breadcrumbs left by the lonely old dears, Hide was late again but somehow he wasn’t angry about it. Over the few weeks that they’d been dating, he’d gotten used to it, gotten used to that sheepish smile when Hide actually arrived. Loved the way he knew he caused that smile, knew that he caused that nervousness within the other.

He took pride in the affect he had upon Hide, saw that smile as his own.

Hide came, walking along the side of the river and when he saw Kaneki that sheepish smile spread across that face. Kaneki smiled too and chuckled behind his hand, it didn’t matter that Hide was late, it only mattered that he got there in the end.


	56. Chapter 56

**“All great and precious things are lonely.”— John Steinbeck, East of Eden**

Hide wasn’t as popular as Kaneki believed him to be, but then again anyone with more than one friend appeared popular to a lonely person. Maybe it was the way he spoke with ease around everyone, but that was just something he’d always done.

Whatever, the point was that even with his meagre amount of friends, Hide appeared to be oozing confidence and friendliness when he was just being polite. And in that there was something sad about the way that Kaneki saw him, something that spoke volumes of Kaneki’s loneliness.

It made Hide itch because to him, Kaneki was a diamond in the rough, something precious to be excavated with great care and be placed somewhere warm and safe. All Hide ever tried to do was make Kaneki more himself, but it seemed that that loneliness was baked into the centre of Kaneki’s being and the thought that the other may never shake it off kept Hide up at night.


	57. Chapter 57

**“Tis one thing to be tempted, another thing to fall.”— William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure**

Metal and concrete painted pale colours just to make the world seem less harsh, Kaneki sat on the balcony of his apartment complex with his door wide open. It was the perfect kind of weather for reading, clear sky with a light breeze, but he wasn’t for once.

On this warm late spring morning, Kaneki wasn’t alone, Hide was pressed to his side, warmth seeping in through his clothes. The air was cool, but his skin was warm.

Of all things Kaneki had marvelled Hide for being, he had been unaware of the things he brought forth from the other. Hide had delighted in telling him though.

_“Ken, how do you do it?” Hide had asked, hand on Kaneki’s knee. The other hadn’t been allowed anytime to inquire as to exactly what Hide was talking about before he continued on his own. “How do you invade nearly every one of my waking thoughts?” Fingers sliding up upon Kaneki’s thigh. “It amazes me Ken,” he muttered, mouth full of wonder, “how much I can’t stand it when we’re apart.” Hand now on the inside of Kaneki’s thigh, making the other’s muscles jump and pulling small sharp sounds from that pale mouth. Smile soft in the way it was pressed under Kaneki’s ear. “I must have fell and hit my head,” he chuckled, “or maybe I just fell for you.”_

Kaneki leant his head upon Hide’s shoulder, despite the lack of a breeze, he felt the wind rush past him and his stomach flip, falling on his own.


	58. Chapter 58

**Bronze.**

Hands clasped tight around Hide’s waist as the other rode the bike at break neck speed, the wind rushed through Kaneki’s hair and he would have said that it was exhilarating if it wasn’t so terrifying. The corners were the worst, body tightening hard like stone from the way the leaned so severely.

When Hide stopped it was sudden, Kaneki slumped forward almost chinning Hide in the back of the head. His heart was racing, it felt far away, as though he had left it along the roadside somewhere on the way.

“You alright back there Ken?” Hide asked, smiling cheekily as he looked back at Kaneki. And Kaneki glared back flatly for a moment before speaking.

“Oh, it was amazing but Hide,” his tone turned serious instead of sarcastic, “I think I’ve only got a week left to live,” he deadpanned, Hide spluttered laughter.

“I only wanted to give you same kinda ride as you give me Ken,” Hide said smiling wickedly, and all Kaneki could think after that was the severe level of punishment he’d show Hide later that night.


	59. Chapter 59

**Excited.**

The pads of his fingers scraping down the cold grey wall of the elevator, lip locked and praying that no one wants to use the elevator at five in the morning. Kaneki wondered just how he’d ended up returning to his apartment at that time, and with another person too. That surprised Kaneki himself.

It wasn’t like Hide didn’t come over at all sorts of times, but then again it wasn’t everyday that his bestfriend was shoving their tongue down his throat either. 

Hide sunk further into him, sneakers squeaking against the floor, and Kaneki momentarily lost the capabilty of thought. He shivered, Hide’s breath tickling his upper lip.   
Sighing, Kaneki supposed that it didn’t matter, it felt good, it felt right. 

They finally reached his floor and Kaneki cracked an eye open, pushing Hide backward out of the elevator, smirking as Hide hummed against his lips.


	60. Chapter 60

**“But must it always be a tragedy?  
Maybe suns are meant to love  
boys who fall into seas.”— Dear poets, it’s time to rewrite Icarus | p.d (via ohsebs)**

Kaneki felt like he was free falling, wind whipping past him at an alarming rate, grazing against his skin like sandpaper. It left him bruised and covered in weeping scratches.

Teeth bared as he somehow managed to stick the landing, knee deep in shit and piss, half insane and half hoping that he was or that he was dead and this was hell.

There was a light at the end of the tunnel and it was goddamned blinding, crawling his way toward it over all of the corpses he’d collected, over all of the things he’d done to bring light into his world. And now it was darker than it had ever been.

But they say that the night is darkest just before the dawn, and the sun broke over the horizon. It smiled that gut wrenching and heartbreaking smile, told him things that he’d never even dared to hope for.

“Who cares about all that, let’s just go home,” and Kaneki sunk further into the abyss, looking for the light in the darkest of places.


	61. Chapter 61

**Slow.**

Hot and heavy between his legs, breath thick against his sweaty neck. Kaneki drew it out long and aching, made Hide tremble with that pleasure that came from the anticipation of more. Kaneki’s pale hips ground against his ass, hard and slow, he groaned low in his throat. Teeth grazing along his neck, he released a shuddering sigh, nails digging into the other’s shoulder.

Heels pressed hard into Kaneki’s ass, he gripped the other tightly. He wanted to be gravity, he wanted to be light. He wanted to bare down on Kaneki, wanted to shine down upon the other. He wanted to burst into fucking flames, anything just as long as it kept Kaneki close, kept Kaneki close to feel the pulse underneath that skin.

Back arched and mouth agape, thigh muscles twitching. He thought about how great Kaneki smelt as he came, calloused fist closed roughly around his dick.

Sweat soaked sheets and stained sticky skin, he could hardly breathe from the weight of his heart. He’d always found himself inexplicably drawn to Kaneki, the other shone like a fog light through the mist, flickering often.

Hide wrapped his arms around a twitchy and shuddering Kaneki, white hair matted with sweat and stuck to his forehead, Hide pulled the other in and together they smouldered, smoke swirling in the air.


	62. Chapter 62

**Conservative.**

Purple pressed against his skin, dark and cloudy upon his skin, like a formidable storm sprawled out along his sky.

Hide held his shirt up and showed Kaneki the bruise with pride, Kaneki immediately went pale and vomited in the grass bank of the riverside. Hide dropped his shirt instantly and went over to rub Kaneki’s back.

“Eh, s-sorry Ken,” Hide stammered, rubbing his palm against the space between Kaneki’s shoulder blades.

“I-I’m okay,” Kaneki said weakly, standing up straight and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “It’s must have really hurt Hide, you’re really brave,” Kaneki stared up at the other with wide sparkling eyes.

“It hurt loads and I cried a little,” Hide said smiling sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck. Kaneki glared at him, then reached out an arm and poked him sharply in the ribs, right in the centre of the bruise. Hide hit the floor laughing and crying. “What was that for?” He yelled gripping his side.

“I just wanted to see if you weren’t lying just to make me feel better,” Kaneki shrugged and walked down toward the riverbank leaving Hide to stare at him, mouth agape.


	63. Chapter 63

**“You drape your voice across constellations.”— thedesertsighs**

Kaneki’s voice was different, the same, familiar but different. Like gas seeping out through a constellation and changing the colour of the sky. It rumbled through the other’s throat, it was heavy and thick, confidence rolling through the atmosphere.

Fingers light behind Hide’s ear, breath hot and heated against his cheek. Tongue on his throat, words that pressed upon his chest like an anvil.

“Hide,” Kaneki murmured, tongue striping up from Hide’s collarbone to the other’s chin.

Hide whimpered in response, Kaneki’s voice had never undone him so, going weak at the knees. Before Kaneki had mumbled and stuttered, nonexistent eye contact, now Kaneki’s eye contact was unwavering, flowing easy conversation and a clear and confident voice. Hide groaned against the back of his palm, biting down into his skin.


	64. Chapter 64

**“The right words always seemed to come too late.”— Haruki Murakami (via l084)**

Hide was speechless, always unable to find the right words for this particular situation, it made him want to take up smoking. He never found the right moment to begin the conversation, and when there was a good time, he didn’t have the words.

They came to him, eventually, he hadn’t quite known why he’d stumbled into the sewer but his feet carried him. Hide was a man that followed his instincts, trusted his gut more than he trusted most people. And there Kaneki was, bent over double in the scum and finally those words found him.

“I always knew,”

It was simple really, all he had to do was let the words find him instead of searching for them.

“but who cares about that,”

It was too late though, maybe not for Kaneki but certainly for him, that didn’t matter though, he’d give it all up for the other.

“let’s just go home.”


	65. Chapter 65

**“You dangle on the leash  
of your own longing;   
your need grows teeth.”- Margaret Atwood, from “Speeches for Dr Frankenstein,” The Animals In That Country (Oxford University Press, 1968)**

Kaneki hadn’t been able to put words to, which was very much unlike him and frustrated him to no end, until he was doing it, until he had Hide’s breath inside his mouth.

Before he’d felt adrift, at sea, rolling and shifting and constantly changing course as the winds changed. It was just that he’d never felt this before, sometimes you could never know a thing without experiencing it and sometimes you couldn’t even name the thing you were trying to feel until it was spilling out of you.

Kaneki found that, just like grief, love had stages. The first was something light and flighty, a warm and happy feeling whenever he was around Hide. The next was waiting to see the other again, the quiet anticipation. And then those things amplified, he’d felt like there was nothing better than just simply being in Hide’s company and he ached waiting for the next time he’d see the other. It seemed that Hide would invade his thoughts for no real reason, constantly.

His entire being shook and was itchy, he hated it, hated every second of it.

Sitting on the windowsill, staring out at the street, waiting and growing impatient.

So when Hide had finally arrived, Kaneki’s instincts over took and he shoved the other against the nearest wall, slammed their lips together.

And then he knew and it was already too late.

“Haha, I thought you’d have me waiting for forever,” Hide said, laughing with a lock of Kaneki’s hair twisted between his fingers. “I already knew,” he smiled and it was infectious.


	66. Chapter 66

**Wiggle.**

One foot braced against the wall, leg straining as Hide held him up by the thigh, it was an awkward position but Kaneki couldn’t find it within himself to complain about it. Especially not with the way Hide was making his muscles jump and twitch, neck and back littered with chaste kisses.

Breath hitched and voice broken in whines and moans, Kaneki hung his head hoping that there was no way that Hide could see his flushed lewd face. One hand braced on the wall and the other digging into Hide’s side, he shuddered and shivered every time the other rocked up against him, hips slamming against his ass.

Throat burning, raw from the way Hide didn’t let up, surprising him with seemingly unending stamina. Kaneki was sweating and shaking, unsure if he could continue to hold himself up.

“H-hide,” Kaneki tried, voice as shaky as the rest of him.

“It’s alright Ken, I’ve got you,” Hide murmured lowly, lips pressed just behind Kaneki’s ear.


	67. Chapter 67

**“Maybe I’m too busy being yours to fall for somebody new…”–Arctic Monkeys, “Do I Wanna Know?” AM**

There was something, Sasaki knew there was something, something that he couldn’t remember but couldn’t forget either.

It touched him like the rays of the sun filtering in through the open window. Warmth upon his skin, upon his soul.

When someone laughed, he noticed how it wasn’t the laugh he was waiting to hear. The presence of one thing proved the absence of another.

Everyone’s smile was the wrong smile, Sasaki realised he was waiting to a specific person’s smile, but he didn’t know who.

Just on the edge, that specific point between dreaming and waking, a phrase would come to Sasaki but it would slip away as quickly as it came. And he would wake grasping for something that was no longer there.

“Let’s just go home,” Shirazu had sighed and Sasaki agreed, nodding. “Is something wrong Sasan?”

“No, I,” Sasaki muttered, touching his cheek, his fingers returned to his vision with a tear running down them.


	68. Chapter 68

**Soft.**

The bed still had warmth, Kaneki rolled onto his side, breathing in on Hide’s side. He was still getting used to it, the idea of Hide having a side of the bed that he slept in. He smiled, burying his head into the pillow.

“Rise and shine, cupcake,” Hide says, all sunshine and morning glory. He ruffled Kaneki’s hair and placed a coffee on the bedside table, Kaneki leaned up into the touch.

“’M not a cupcake,” Kaneki muttered, wrapping his arms around Hide’s waist.

“Alright, marshmallow,” Hide said, sliding down onto the bed.

“Donut,” Kaneki said and Hide laughed, littering Kaneki’s face with kisses.

“I don’t think donut works as a pet name Ken,” Hide giggled, hands cupping Kaneki’s face, “but nice try.”


	69. Chapter 69

**“I like voices that make my heart beat faster.”**

Hide hadn’t, despite the length of their friendship, ever seen Kaneki just after he’d woken up, but when Hide did it changed everything.

He had knocked on the other’s apartment door at an ungodly hour because they had somewhere to be, some sort of study date before class. And Kaneki had answered the door still in pyjamas, breath gross yawned at Hide’s face.

“Come in, I just need to take a shower,” Kaneki murmured, words sliding into each other, low and hoarse.

Hide didn’t have any words to say, not with the way his heart had jumped up into his throat, beating double time, so he chose to nod instead and followed Kaneki inside. He sat on the couch and listened to the waterfall from the shower, held his hand over his heart and felt it flutter against his fingertips.

“Is that all it takes?” He muttered to himself.


	70. Chapter 70

**School Socks.**

Kaneki felt odd walking around in Hide’s apartment in nothing but his sports socks and boxers, but it wasn’t like he could find his clothes. It was the middle of the day and the sun was blaring straight through the window and directly into Kaneki’s eyes, he glared at it.

Laughter erupted from further into the room, Kaneki turned his head to find Hide doubled over on the couch wearing Kaneki shirt. So he’d found one item of clothing, he frowned at Hide as he approached the other.

“What’s tickled you?” Kaneki muttered.

“You, glaring at the sun as though you could scare it away,” Hide said between wheezes.

“Right,” Kaneki nodded staring down at the other, white bangs framing his face, “and why are you wearing my shirt?” He asked with an arched brow.

“Well, you weren’t wearing it and it just sorta smelt nice,” Hide shrugged sinking down against the couch as Kaneki loomed over him, he smiled sheepishly.

“Ok,” Kaneki said as he put his knee on the couch.

“Ok?” Hide repeated, brows pinched as he watched Kaneki climb onto the couch and straddle him.

Kaneki braced one hand on the arm rest above Hide’s head and the other just besides Hide’s head, he sunk down upon the other. Mouth almost touching Hide’s.

“If my shirt smells good, how good does my skin smell?” Kaneki said lowly, eyes predatory on the other. Hide melted against the faux leather when Kaneki eventually kissed him.


	71. Chapter 71

**“Goodnight and great love to you. We see the same stars.” — George Mallory, from a letter to his wife Ruth during the 1921 Everest Reconnaissance Expedition**

Kaneki laid flat on the concrete of his roof, he watched the sky, watched the stars shine down at him.

Some of them were dead, he thought of all the people he had known and how they shone through his memory like the stars in the night’s sky.

Then he wondered if Hide was shining just as brightly as he always had somewhere in the same as city that night, and if the other was Kaneki thought that it was a wonder he couldn’t see Hide shining in this darkness.


	72. Chapter 72

**“I will do as devils do. Fall.” — H. S. Leoch**

Fingers grasping and they found nothing, Kaneki fell backward awkwardly. Wings broken and aflame, Kaneki felt scorned, betrayed and battered.

The decent was long and painful, sometimes Kaneki found his feet or someone broke his fall. Fingertips bloody and mind broken, he was almost gone by the time he hit the bottom.

And Hide had been there, waste pooling around his ankles. Hide told him the things he needed to hear in order to get back on his feet, snakes and sunflowers in his ear.

For he realised that Lucifer may have fallen, but the devil rose in his place.


	73. Chapter 73

**“You and I together is the most foolish thing  
I’ve ever hoped for. You and I apart is even more foolish.” — Trista Mateer, ‘Laugh Lines’**

Kaneki’s heart beat in his throat, he kept his mouth open as he breathed, wondering if it would drop out. Breaths would enough to be almost all he could hear, apart from the sound of Hide’s airy whines from behind him.

Rocking like a small paddle boat in a stormy sea, waves rolling beneath him. Hide pressed flush against him, he wanted it to always be like that. Kaneki wanted to always have Hide close enough to feel the other’s breath upon his skin, to have Hide close enough to feel the other’s heat beat, it was never as erratic as his own.

Kaneki’s heart was a temperamental thing though, confused and terrified, but in those bleak moments of clarity Kaneki’s heart was a warrior and he’d do anything to appease his foolish heart.


	74. Chapter 74

**“Am I flying or falling? I can’t tell the difference.” — shelfofmemories**

Kaneki’s stomach lurched at the sight, why was that smile making him so strung out. Palms clammy, he rubbed them against his trousers and strode toward Hide as the other waved at him.

“Ken!” Hide yelled, practically tackling Kaneki.

“Hi,” Kaneki murmured, weakly trying to pull the other off of him but all the while not really wanting it.

“You know, Ken, rabbits die from loneliness,” Hide said, melodramatically as he shook Kaneki by the shoulders.

“You’re not a rabbit Hide,” Kaneki muttered flatly, pushing at the other’s face.

“I felt it Ken, I was dying,” Hide said, mock seriousness and Kaneki couldn’t help but laugh.

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry,” Kaneki said, smiling at the other.

“You better be, I am so serious about this seeing you all the time thing,” Hide said so fast that the words bled into each other. He gripped Kaneki so hard and held the other so close, Kaneki could feel Hide’s breath against his skin.

Hide made him dizzy, he didn’t know if he were flying or falling but he was sure that there was nothing beneath his feet and the wind whipped around his form, it was thrilling.


	75. Chapter 75

**Chains.**

There was something inside, something insidious, that Kaneki held down. Bound and caged, what he ached for was not worth the consequences.

He was selfish in his selflessness, trying his best to obtain what he thought others needed. Not allowing others to slip away just because he didn’t want to be alone, but where did that leave his best friend?

It wasn’t exactly like he could keep Hide close, not with the way things had gone. He couldn’t even see Hide, didn’t know anything about what the other was doing. It felt odd, it felt wrong, Hide was his friend, his first and once only friend. Now they were as far apart as strangers, but everything Kaneki did was in name of the other’s safety, in name of all of his friend’s safety.

What he keep chained up was his desire to win, his blind desire for knowledge and most of all his bone shattering fear of loneliness. And what Kaneki did not know was that he could not keep those things bound within him at all, for when it came to protecting those that appeared to not be able to protect themselves, Kaneki was unable to keep his mind.

And Kaneki was deluding himself if he for a single moment believe that he was anyone’s hero, that he was anyone’s champion. Unbeknown to him, his friends were fighting for themselves, one even wading through the blood towards him.


	76. Chapter 76

**Going On.**

The fluorescent light cascaded down around Kaneki like a halo, like one of those dramatic and gripping paintings of biblical scenes, and flittered through his stark white hair.

The sight stole Hide’s breath.

Some public toilet in a random underground station that Hide momentarily couldn’t remember the name of for the life of him, as stunned as he was. Fingers twitching and legs burning with the need to run, but he didn’t.

It had been months, so long, and Hide had been searching for Kaneki, his best friend, the person dearest to him in the whole wide world. Then, wasn’t it funny that it had been Kaneki who had found him?

Kaneki turned, slowly and oh so deliberately, like a well trained dancer. Muscles tensing and flexing beautifully under that now paler skin. And suddenly Hide was sure that without a doubt, no matter what Kaneki was about to say, that he’d definitely pass out. Just before Kaneki spoke, he smiled soft and gentle like he always had and Hide swore that his heart stopped.

“Hi.”


	77. Chapter 77

**Feathers and Steel.**

It wasn’t an excuse, but Kaneki really didn’t see the point in holding hands in public. His and Hide’s relationship wasn’t anyone else’s business and he was not one to brag, modest as he was. Kaneki had nothing to prove to anyone, he wasn’t that kind of insecure. It also wasn’t as though he wasn’t affectionate when they were alone, Hide’s skin had quickly become his favourite texture.


	78. Chapter 78

**“Your eyes look like coming home,” - Everything Has Changed, Taylor Swift.**

Eyes cutting through the darkness, knees in the muck, Kaneki had slipped and fell down the riverbank. A spectacular fall that had his limbs flailing, kicking up the dirt and grass, the fresh smell of nature invading his nose. He only realised the noise he was hearing was Hide’s bubbling laughter once he’d stopped spinning, Kaneki shot up, sitting on his heels and staring his death glare at his laughing friend.

The glare wavered though, turned soft under that bright sparkling gaze. Frown turned to a soft smile and then to a weak laughter as they continued to stare at each other. Kaneki figured that if he was always looking at Hide, then he could withstand almost anything.


	79. Chapter 79

**This Place.**

Kaneki’s hand hovered between his legs, he’d let Hide undress him but was wary of letting the other see everything. The other hand was clenched against the mattress, chest stuttering as he tried to breathe around his fear of rejection and abandonment.

Hide said nothing, simply smiled that soft and sweet smile as he peeled away his own clothes. Standing fully naked at the end of Kaneki’s bed, Hide never seemed to have anything to hide.

Hands dropping to the mattress, Hide crawled upon the bed and stalked toward Kaneki, the latter felt exposed despite being the one that had asked for this. Hands on his knees and Kaneki flinched, he didn’t want to, he wanted to open up and embrace Hide.

Hide’s hands slipped down his thighs and came to his own hand, fingers between his own Hide pulled him apart as gently as he always did. Body coming between Kaneki’s legs and suddenly what he’d been hiding didn’t matter, Hide had overlooked it.

Instead, Hide pressed his hand against Kaneki’s chest, palm flat over his heart.

“Ken,” Hide sighed, voice like a rush of fresh air, “I’m only interested in this place.”


	80. Chapter 80

**“All language is but a poor translation."— Franz Kafka**

Kaneki stood shaking, completely unsure of himself, feet shifting as his body begged him to say things that he just didn’t have words for.

"You don’t need to say a thing Ken,” Hide murmured, pulling Kaneki down onto the couch, “I’d rather hear you breathe against my skin than listen to useless words.”

He let himself be pulled down, knees buckling and he fell into the other’s lap. Dark hair fanned out against Hide’s slightly sun kissed skin, mouth connected to the other’s neck. Hide’s breath came out in a shudder and he felt the other’s chest stutter, Kaneki grew bold from the way Hide’s fingers dug into his back.

Kaneki rose from Hide’s lap, knees either side of the other’s hips. Chose to say what was shaking his heart with actions instead of words that he couldn’t fit them into. He tipped Hide’s head back with two fingers pressed under the other’s chin and leaned down to smooth their lips together, breathing in their mixed breaths.


	81. Chapter 81

**My Purpose.**

Sometimes Hide felt as though he were two dimensional, one track mind. Sometimes he felt like a bad man, conceited and underhand, ulterior motive and all. Sometimes he felt as though he’d forsaken his people, lack of apathy and thoughts of empathy.

In the end though, he decided that it didn’t matter, not when he had the chance to bring about someone else’s salvation. A very specific someone and with that thought Hide knew he was selfish, he’d done all of this just for the one person, without a single thought for anyone else.

Devotion was something that Hide had only previously been able to describe in words, a dictionary format, but now he felt it deep in the marrow of his bones and knew its true form. And it had its dark side just like everything else, but in that darkness Hide found the extent of what he would do for Kaneki.


	82. Chapter 82

**Showing Off.**

Hide had the strong sense that Kaneki was showing off, fingers pushed between his as they walked down the street. Smiling to himself as he clung to the other, instead of feeling like a trophy Hide felt sort of sad. As though Kaneki thought that he wasn’t worthy or deserving of Hide, to Hide they deserved each other and this was the logical evolution of their relationship. 

Then again, Hide couldn’t argue with the way that Kaneki was smiling. Blushing just so slightly, Kaneki was the cutest thing he’d ever seen. And Hide realised that instead of telling Kaneki that the other deserved him, he’d make Kaneki feel good enough that the other know they deserved each other. 

Lips pressed to Kaneki’s cheek. 

“I’m so glad that I met you,” Hide said, smiling as wide as he could.


	83. Chapter 83

**Wrapping Around.**

“There’s something beautiful about the way you hesitate before speaking,” Hide said softly, dishes in hand. 

“W-what does that mean?” Kaneki stammered, fumbling slightly as he put the plates away.

“It says something about the care you take with what you say,” Hide said, smiling back at the other. 

Kaneki watched the way that the light from the wide kitchen window speared through the blinds and painted Hide’s skin in light and shade.

“Eh?” He said, unsure of how to take those words and that sight. 

“I’m saying that your consideration is attractive,” Hide returned, smiling brightly. 

“Well, I don’t have something as deep or as eloquent to say, but that smile,” Kaneki pointed, “it has brightened each and every one of my days.”


	84. Chapter 84

**Spoiled.**

Kaneki stared at the browning apple that sat up Hide’s desk, he’d seen a few times and had done nothing about it. There was a fly in the room, buzzed around the rotting fruit. 

Teeth and lips on his shoulder blade, Hide’s morning breath ghosted up his neck. Hide blinked slowly, eyes bleary and hair sticking up all over the place. 

“Mornin’ sunshine,” Hide mumbled, smiling lopsidedly and the rotten apple slipped from Kaneki’s mind.


	85. Chapter 85

**Straw Dogs.**

To be perfectly honest, Kaneki didn’t particularly enjoy summer, at all. He’d get sweaty and his clothes would stick to him, he’d get allergies and he had to wear shorts because he’d absolutely die.

The only reason he was at the riverbank reading in his almost too short shorts, it’d been over a year since he’d brought them and he’d grown, was because Hide had asked him to. And Hide had been sporting his own pair of shorts, which in Kaneki’s opinion really suited the other, bending over to catch bugs and smiling that smile that blew him away.

“Hey Ken, this cricket just jumped into my hand,” Hide yelled, obviously excited, turning that blinding expression on Kaneki.

And Kaneki figured that he could get used to summer after all.


	86. Chapter 86

**Gaze.**

It had been Hide’s suggestion, the hedge maze, but he had quickly regretted it. Finger tips grazing over the branches and leaves as he trailed behind Kaneki, Eyes on the slight smile that was pressed to the other’s lips, at least he had been right about Kaneki enjoying it. 

Hide watched Kaneki draw lines on the pad that he’d brought, dead ends crossed out, Kaneki was smart, Hide would never have thought of that but then again he liked to go on instinct. On the other hand, Kaneki pretty much always came prepared, expecting the worst outcome. 

They turned a corner and entered the centre of the maze, there was a grand fountain in the middle with koi in the water. Kaneki expected the worst and so saw the worst in things, Hide expected anything and embraced the chaotic poetry of the universe.

“It’s beautiful,” Kaneki muttered in awe, taking in the sight before them. 

“Yeah, it is,” Hide returned, simply looking at the other.


	87. Chapter 87

**Breath.**

Hot and fast against the sheets, Hide pulled them so hard they came free from the mattress, forehead pressed hard against the edge of the pillow. Kaneki’s blunt finger nails dug crescent moons into the flesh of Hide’s hips, quiet strangled groans whispered to the curve of his spine, sweat and lust and a whole lot of love between the two.


	88. Chapter 88

**Blue.**

Breaths steaming up the window, mouth almost kissing it. Kaneki couldn’t quite wrap his head around how they’d got there, heavy petting in the back of Hide’s car, eyeing the parking lot for signs of life. 

“The chance of being caught just adds to the thrill Ken,” Hide muttered, hot and heavy against Kaneki’s neck. 

“I will throttle you if we get caught,” Kaneki warned, but the edge was stolen from his tone by the twist of Hide’s wrist. 

“You wanna choke me Ken?” Hide murmured, lips and teeth grazed along Kaneki’s skin. And the rumbling sound of it made Kaneki groan, finger nails digging into Hide’s knee. 

“You’re just awful,” Kaneki shook his head, thighs trembling as he spoke.


	89. Chapter 89

**King.**

Back arched, bending along the couch, Kaneki stared up at the ceiling. Eyes trailed the cracks as he listened the sound of the coffee machine, the clanking made it clear that Hide had next to no idea what he was doing.

Kaneki rolled off of the couch, white strands of hair sticking out in every direction, and padded over to the kitchenette. Hide was hunched over the coffee machine, grumbling and trying his best to jam the parts together. Kaneki smiled softly, watching the great amount of effort Hide put into something so small.

“Need some help?” Kaneki spoke up, voice cracking where it usually didn’t and a whole lot raspier than Hide remembered, it made the other flinch and shiver.

“No, I’m good,” Hide muttered, brows furrowed in deep concentration and frustration.

Kaneki sat at the breakfast table and watched Hide’s shoulder and neck muscles tighten, the sun shone starkly through the window and bleached Hide’s skin. There was a soft clicking noise and a heavy sigh from Hide, Kaneki smirked at that.


	90. Chapter 90

**Orange.**

The heat was soaking into the soles of his shoes from the asphalt, Hide shifted on the spot as he waited outside the bookstore. Just an incentive he used to make sure that Kaneki didn’t spend an eon in there, lost in the infinite worlds caught between the pages of those books.

The sun beat down upon him like the incessant press of a lover’s body, Hide chewed on the inside of his cheek suddenly feeling rather frustrated. He leaned heavily against the row of vending machines, he already had a bottle of water but what he really needed was a cold shower or maybe a warm body.

Kaneki appear at the entrance to the bookstore, form waving like a mirage, and approached him with a sheepish smile.

“Eh, sorry for being so long, especially in this heat,” Kaneki muttered, ducking his head as he spoke.

Hide shrugged, feeling cool just from the sight of the other, Kaneki was visibly wilting in the heat, fringe already sticking to the other’s forehead.

“Let’s just go home and cool off,” Hide said smiling, taking Kaneki’s clammy hand.


	91. Chapter 91

**Azura.**

Panting, finger nails dragging along the cool tiles. Face pressed flat against the wall, teeth dangerously close to smacking the wall. Back arched and on his tip-toes, fingers digging into his hips. 

Skin on skin, the sound echoed, bouncing off the walls of the small room, along with the muffled whines and quiet groans that the pair released. 

Kaneki sunk his teeth into the flesh of his bottom lip, whimpering Hide’s name through the corner of his mouth. Water rolled down his back and slipped between the crease of his ass, the sensation was odd and made him shiver.

Hide leaned forward, tacky face pressed to Kaneki’s soaked locks. All hot and cold, Kaneki struggled to keep up with the sensation, toes curling underneath him.


	92. Chapter 92

**Ginger.**

Fingers tangled in stark white hair, skin soft but tacky like talc, Hide pulled the other down toward him, hips collided. Kaneki groaned, deep and throaty, making Hide shiver just from the sound of it. 

Skin painted in shades, bodies poorly lit by the lamp light as Kaneki mouthed at Hide’s neck. Pressed together, slick, form defined like olive oil on canvas, their shadows crawled up the browning wall.


	93. Chapter 93

**Sempiternal.**

The snow crunched under his feet, Kaneki hadn’t slept in days, maybe almost a week. They’d been on the road for so long, running for so long. He was tired of running and tired of the guilt that came with it, but what could he really have done on his own? 

With hindsight, he berated himself. Then again, running didn’t solve anything either. 

That sunny smile quickly came into view and Kaneki could only slump against the car from the way the stark sun light bounced off the snow and again off of that smile, Hide was a godsend. 

“Get in the back and sleep,” Hide said, mildly scolding the other.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kaneki muttered, opening the back of the car.

“And put on a hat, you’re blinding me!” Hide yelled, covering his eyes in mock pain. Kaneki giggled, kicking Hide as he crawled into the backseat.

It wouldn’t last for forever, but maybe he could survive for a while living moment to moment. Nothing lasts.


	94. Chapter 94

**Norwich.**

Fingers caught in the grass, Kaneki watched a bee fly around Hide’s head in hopes to pollinate the other. His lips were pressed tight together, trying so hard to suppress the giggles that threatened to claim his body. 

Hide weaved his head around, slowly waving his hand around. 

“It’s in love with your sunflower hair,” Kaneki struggled out in between laughter. 

“I’m so sorry Mr. Bee, but this is my boyfriend, I am taken!” Hide yelled as he continued wave around. Kaneki went red and hid his face against Hide’s shoulder, whining. 

“You’re the worst,” he muttered.

“I think you mispronounced best,” Hide smiled, showing teeth.


	95. Chapter 95

**Why Not?**

It was grey, Kaneki couldn’t really see a goddamned thing. Everything appeared grey, there wasn’t life to anything. To put it simply, he was just existing, living day to day because that was all he knew how to do. 

Yellow. 

The first colour Kaneki ever really knew was yellow, a bright burst of sunlight that almost blinded him. And for a while, it was the only light that lit his dull life. A few other colours burst and faded, but that one remained no matter how far Kaneki wandered. And he wandered far, but eventually he returned or the yellow did, he wasn’t quite sure which it was or if it even mattered. 

It became a supernova before his eyes, filling his world with solid colour, and it drowned out everything else until the only thing he could hear was,

“let’s just go home.”


	96. Chapter 96

**Upminster.**

Concrete rubbing his hands raw, Kaneki wasn’t really one for public displays of affection much less whatever it was they were doing, indecent exposure? Definitely public indeceny, Hide down on his knees with his face buried against Kaneki’s crotch, nose brushing against his bellybutton.

Red faced and eyes darting around the staircase, Hide’s adventurous nature was going to kill him one day. 

Whimpering through gritted teeth, fingers tangled in Hide’s hair as he came. Kaneki looked down to find Hide smiling up at him, wiping that sly mouth. He groaned, hands fisting at his sides.


	97. Chapter 97

**Ipswich.**

There was something so addictive about the way that Hide touched him, desire so heavy Kaneki could taste it in the atmosphere. Fingers on his skin, tips catching on his tacky thigh. Worrying his lips with his teeth, chapped with broken skin. 

In the morning there would be marks all over his body, finger marks on his hips, red lines along his shoulders and bruises littered his neck and collar. It was something that he took great pride in, the way that Hide yearned for him and left marks of possession upon his skin.


	98. Chapter 98

**“Et ton esprit n'est pas un gouffre moins amer.” — Charles Baudelaire**

Lips pulled back over teeth, showing gums. His mask had no lips, but Hide kissed it anyways, kissed where Kaneki’s lips would be. The other’s kakuja carefully wrapped around Hide’s wrist, his fingers moved over the zip at the back of Kaneki’s head. 

“Kaneki, don’t be so bitter,” Hide murmured, lips so gentle against the winding tendrils of Kaneki’s kagune as it curled around him and pulled him closer. The boy whose soul he knew so well wore two masks and still couldn’t hide from him, “don’t get lost in your own despair, don’t get consumed by the idea of your tragedy, there’s no poetry to it Ken.” 

He pulled at the kakuja over Kaneki’s face, it snapped and cut him, blood pooled in the palm of his hand and pulled at the zipper with his other. But other tendrils rose to cover Kaneki’s face, Hide was barely able to move. 

Hide sighed and pressed his mouth to the only skin he could find, he kissed Kaneki’s closed eye. 

“Don’t imagine that you’re alone when I’m right beside you,” he muttered, breathing over Kaneki’s exposed skin.


	99. Chapter 99

**“Sweeter than heaven and hotter than hell.” - Drumming Song, Florence and the Machine.**

Hide’s hair was fluffy and soft, Kaneki hadn’t really noticed before but now he had the incentive to. Maybe he’d never see Hide again, maybe that day was the last day, maybe that moment was the last moment that they would share together. And so Kaneki wasted no time in committing every single thing he could about Hide to memory. 

Hide’s hair was dyed the colour of sunshine, felt soft to the touch enough that Kaneki wanted to bury his face into it, the roots were dark and told tales of the rigorous routine the other took to keep that colour. Skin pale, but as much so as Kaneki himself, clear with a few cute freckles that he liked to count and connect with a finger traced over that skin. That bubbling laughter and the shine in those eyes, the quiet devotion and adoration, Kaneki was addicted to it all.

Kaneki wrapped his arms around Hide’s frame, pressed his face to the other’s and muttered his own adoration and devotion into that sunny hair he loved so much, hoping not to waste a single moment.


	100. Chapter 100

**Shitsurei-shimasu.**

Arms crossed on the arm of the couch, Hide buried his face there. Knees braced on the cushions and his ass in the air, brows furrowed and nails digging into the couch as he grit his teeth. Kaneki pressed his palm flat against the small of Hide’s back, mouth to the other’s backside. 

Hide often remarked that Kaneki’s tongue was sinful, and in that moment it was drawing sweet heavenly noise from his throat. Kaneki’s thumb dug into Hide cheek, pulled them apart and Hide sunk his teeth into his bottom lip. 

“K-ken,” he stammered, tongue slipping out of the side of his mouth. Lips pulled over his teeth as Kaneki lapped at his insides, white straw like hair tickling the curve of his backside. He felt Kaneki smirk against him as continued to whine and keen, toes curled in the stale air.


	101. Chapter 101

**Eh?**

Fringer tips dragging over the kitchen counter, running through the ruined mess of breakfast. Backside on the counter top, flower stuck to the outside of Kaneki’s thighs and Hide’s fingers. Egg yolk clung to Kaneki’s hip and strawberries between their lips, at first he’d worried about the clean up but now that was the furthest thing from his mind. 

Thighs, lips and finger tips sticky, Kaneki quivered from the way Hide’s skin stuck to his. Legs tucked over the other’s shoulders, heels digging into Hide’s back. Surely this was better than whatever disaster had originally planned, Kaneki thought with his mouth to those summer sunshine locks.


	102. Chapter 102

**Sugar,**

The smell of flowers in the air, fingers in his hair and his elbows in the dirt. Kaneki was in his lap, knees either side of Hide’s hips. The dark haired boy was smiling and seriously that was a miracle, the brightest star shining in the darkest night. It heated up his face only in the slightest way, a soft kind of glow that drew him toward the other. 

“Ken,” Hide muttered softly and Kaneki hummed in return, pressing their foreheads together. “Kiss me,” he sighed, a weak sound of desperation pushed between his gentle lips. 

And Kaneki’s smile broke wider and Hide’s heart ached, a deep pain mixed with the sweetest pleasure as their lips came together. Hide had never felt so blessed.


	103. Chapter 103

**Cupboard.**

The room felt more like a box that held his entire life, suddenly it was his entire life. He locked himself indoors, knees making the mattress on the floor dip as he turned the pages of a well read book. 

Kaneki sighed and set the book aside, he leaned down and pressed his face into the mattress, rolled onto his side and closed his eyes. 

He was achingly lonely, but what else could he do besides distract himself? 

His phone buzzed, loud against the wooden floor. 

Rabbits die of loneliness. 

And someone else was stupidly aching for company as well as him, the same company aching for him as he was aching for them. 

Kaneki blinked at the message, chewed the inside of his cheek as he fought himself. Eventually their friendship own out.


	104. Chapter 104

**That Meant Nothing.**

Kaneki opened his eyes just as Hide pulled away, lips coming apart slower than their faces. He wanted to chase that feeling, wanted to dig his nails into the small of Hide’s back to pull the other back down, but he didn’t. The way Hide’s breath tickled his lips and made them tingle had him aching to lean up. The sight of that smile was blistering, those eyes burning desire into his soul. Hide sat back down and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“Don’t you dare leave me so easily,” Kaneki mumbled, letters clumping together with the wetness of his tongue, as he pulled Hide down with fingers tangled in that feather soft hair and brought their mouths back together with a force he’d hide from anyone else.


	105. Chapter 105

**idle.**

Underneath his palm, Hide could feel Kaneki’s heart fluttering. Humming bird held in a rib cage. That ruddy face framed by dark hair, the way Kaneki’s chest stuttered had Hide captivated. Kaneki was laid out, flat on the bed, shirtless and nervous and embarrassed. Electricity ran over his skin and all he wanted to do was touch the other watch the sparks fly between them, wanted to free the bird in Kaneki’s chest with his lips alone.


	106. Chapter 106

**Stardust.**

Grit and gravel stuck in the corner of his eyes, his tears felt solid. Lips quivering and body trembling, the stench of blood in the air. Fists in the water and a snide comment made to break the ice, but it doesn’t change a goddamned thing. 

Nothing anyone has said ever did, but Kaneki looked up and couldn’t, wouldn’t, believe his eyes. Space, particles and dust, and his broken mind unable and unwilling. There was a light in front of him, soft and as welcoming as always. 

“I already knew,” 

Like reading his mind, a hand on his shoulder lifting up the veil. And it’d been so long since he’d seen the clarity of anything that he still didn’t quite believe it.

“Who care, let’s just go home,”

Kaneki knew then that he never would, sunshine and fireworks in the sewer, he reached forward.


	107. Chapter 107

**Work.**

Saliva caught between their lips in that cliched lewd way, that way that made Kaneki blush. Breaths hot between them, tickling each other’s skin. 

“Good mornin’,” Hide mumbled, lips trailing down to Kaneki’s exposed shoulder. 

“Morning,” Kaneki struggled out, voice pitchy. It was the first time that they’d spent the night together, the first time that they’d woken up together. He was tingling all over from that familiar cocktail of nervousness and excitement, it fills him up and pushes him forward, slow and deliberate until their lips meet again.


	108. Chapter 108

**Black Sands.**

He was running, shoes kicking sand up into the air as he booked it along the shoreline. Land on his right and sea to his left and Hide biting at his heels. Kaneki was tackled to the ground before he’d even made it twenty yards, sand did what it always did and got everywhere as Hide’s laughter filled the air.

It was infectious, Kaneki began to giggle too. Two suns shining down at him, warming him up. Sweating out his embarrassment in the sweltering summer heat, water lapping at his feet. 

“Hey Ken, if you run, I’m always going to chase you,” Hide said, one hand sliding over Kaneki’s open palm. 

“Then I’m always going to run,” Kaneki said, happiness pouring out of him, impossible to contain when the other shone down on him.


	109. Chapter 109

**“To think that all the names of all the places are real; and I will be there … I don’t care where we go; it is all new, I want to see it all."— Martha Gellhorn, from “Mr Ma’s Tigers,” Travels with Myself and Another: A Memoir (Tarcher, 2001)**

The curtain pulled back before his eyes, and suddenly he was in a different world. Everything was new and Kaneki didn’t know where to start, didn’t know how to react to the way that Hide was beaming that glorious smile down at him. 

Everything was new and so Kaneki walked forward with trepidation, Hide’s hand curled around his wrist, leading him forward in a way that made him stumble over himself at times. 

The way that Hide was so excited, so visibly shaking with excitement to show Kaneki new things. The way that Hide couldn’t possibly keep the smile from his face, light and warmth seemed to tear straight out of him. 

And what Kaneki didn’t know was that he was the catalyst for this happiness within the other, nothing had ever made him push himself so far out there as this dejected dark haired boy. 

They inspired the brightest lights they either of them were capable of within each other, Hide’s was beaming and awe inspiring and Kaneki’s was a small warm glow that he kept close to his chest. Neither was greater than the other, and eventually the hand on his wrist slid down to his palm, their fingers entwined and Kaneki thought of it as them locking their hearts into their friendship.


	110. Chapter 110

**High.**

There was a fire burning in Kaneki’s throat and all Hide did was glow, Kaneki couldn’t hold the fire back laying searing kisses on the inside of the other’s thighs. And the sounds that Hide made were akin to the flutter of the wings of doves, muscles jumping when Kaneki wrapped his mouth around the other. Sunflower hair, dark at the center and softer than it looked, Kaneki reached up and grasped at Hide’s ribs. Hide arched his back with Kaneki’s tongue flat against him, singing songs of peace between his wet red lips.


	111. Chapter 111

**Smudge.**

Book as close to his face as humanly possible, Kaneki curled himself around it. Knees up and back bent down, fingers curled tight around the edges. It looked rather like the boy was trying desperately to climb inside the book, slip between the lines and make his home inside the words.

Hide found the sight captivating, with music thumping into his ears, he watched the other faint found smile pressed to his lips. Head tilted back and legs up on the couch and crossed, fingers tapping over the fold of his knees. Eyes on the way Kaneki’s mouth twitched every few minutes, expressions borne from that intense of passion to escape when all Hide wanted to do was be there.


	112. Chapter 112

**I Can’t See The Lines.**

Kaneki’s ass and the back of his head were pressed hard against the floor as his back arched, legs spread and feet in the air. Hide was between his legs, mouth drawing small sharp noises from Kaneki, finger nails dragging lazy designs over the wood flooring. Hide wrapped his hand around one of Kaneki’s feet, finger tips tracing the other’s ankle, breaths huffed out of his nose. The light breaths tickled Kaneki’s stomach and his thighs twitched from the way he was holding them up, his lips were trembling with unspent moans. 

His form spelt tension, body wound tight and just about ready to snap. Fingers in that soft sunflower dyed hair, sweet eyes closed, Kaneki curled around the other as he got closer to the edge, closer to breaking point. Looming over the other, hands tentative as they hovered over Hide’s head. Kaneki came with a quiet gasp, voice hiccuping as he shuddered, fingers clawing at the other’s shirt. 

Touching back down against the floor, relaxing into the wood. Hide crawled up him, mouth sweet and hot upon his skin. Murmuring soft sighs of trepidation at that wide beaming smile, devotion looked different on their respective forms, but they shared everything else.


	113. Chapter 113

**Season.**

The glow from the light was soft, Hide had a dimmer switch and Kaneki absolutely loved it. Spoke of it as mood lighting, spoke of the way that the light gently painted the other in inky shades of darkness. Spoke of the way it illuminated Hide’s creamy skin, making it seem like the other was coated in olive oil. Lips dark and sultry, fingers tracing gentle lines under his chin. The way the light hardly lit the room made the world seem to center around them, and the gravity of that thought drew them toward each other and brought their lips together. The moment was sacrosanct, not a soul could invade it.


	114. Chapter 114

**Suggest.**

Teeth shinning from the too bright lights of the bathroom, Kaneki still felt a little unnerved just looking at them. That sunny smile that beamed beside him stole his sight, Hide brushed his teeth messily and Kaneki couldn’t help but burst with laughter. Toothpaste splattered all over the mirror and the sink, it was amazing how easy the other could so suddenly change his mood. 

“Jeez Ken, you’re so messy,” Hide said lazily, paste sliding out of the corner of his mouth, Kaneki couldn’t help but laugh harder.


	115. Chapter 115

**Lime.**

White hair and bare feet, muscles where there hadn’t been and despite all that trauma Kaneki could still smile. Kaneki could still smile at him and Hide thought that it was small miracle within itself, watching the other dress as he sat on the corner of the bed. Watching the delicate way Kaneki’s spine pressed outward against his skin as he bent to pull his socks on, Hide marveled at how the other could still appear delicate after everything Kaneki had fought through. 

Kaneki turned to him, eyes alight like they always were around him.

“Staring’s rude Hide,” Kaneki said, smirking.


	116. Chapter 116

**Ink.**

It wasn’t hard to say that Kaneki was not the outdoorsy type, it was safe to say that he’d rather explore between the pages of books than between trees, but all of that was blown away by Hide’s beaming smile. 

“Hey, wanna come check out this sweet litter of kittens I found!” Hide asked, bouncing off the walls with excitement. Rough, dirty hands wrapped around his own and that smile firmly shining upon him, Kaneki forgot how refuse, the words simply left his vocabulary. 

Hard shoes, that weren’t made for the terrain, crunched sticks and leaves underfoot as Hide dragged him through the bushes. The other’s hand curled around his wrist, took him to a large bush where there was a box underneath. Kaneki could hear the mewing before Hide pulled back the newspaper, the other boy picked one of the kittens up and hold it out toward Kaneki.

“Aren’t they super cute?!” Hide exclaimed and Kaneki nodded, blushing slightly because it was Hide he couldn’t keep his eyes from.


	117. Chapter 117

**Every Step.**

Being close to someone and being intimate with them were two wholly different worlds, this was something that Kaneki was only just learning. Holding Hide’s hand made him nervous, just being close to the other had his heart rate going at a dangerous pace. And when Hide’s palm cupped his cheek, his whole face turned red, but he leaned further into the other’s touch. Finally embracing someone else’s touch.


	118. Chapter 118

**In Passing.**

The car was stuffy despite the windows being open and the leather was sticking to their skin, Hide waved a fan in Kaneki’s direction as the latter barked for him to get his damned feet off the dashboard for billionth time. Hide ran out at a gas stop and grabbed them some cold drink as Kaneki filled the car, just the touch of the cool plastic was enough to make Kaneki sigh in such a way that it made Hide blush. He held his arm out of the car on the long and lonely road, watch the wheels kick up the dessert road dust. They left their own small hurricane behind them, Kaneki eyes kept getting caught on the sweat that rolled down Hide’s chest. Hide watched a ladybug crawl up his arm and longed for the night to come, when it would get cooler and he could comfortably put his hands on the other.


	119. Chapter 119

**Loser.**

Sometimes, to Kaneki, it felt as though he was only capable of losing things despite how much he had gained. So when he found Hide again, when it seemed as though all the light was gone from his world, the person in his life that shone the brightest returned to him. And that felt like a miracle, felt wholly unreal and Kaneki couldn’t help but question it after how far he’d gone down the rabbit hole.


	120. Chapter 120

**Elsewhere.**

Kaneki had rolled his trousers up, removed his shoes and sock and was treading through the shallow water of the rock pool. He was rather wary of the crabs coming out and pinching his toes but Hide assured him that they were far too comfortable under their rocks to bother with him, Kaneki wondered why they were disturbing them at all. The wind had picked up and was blowing Kaneki’s bangs into his eyes, loose t-shirt whipping around him; it rushed through Hide’s hair and revealed the other’s dark roots, lifted up Hide’s tank-top exposing the other’s back. Hide crouched down and turned over one of the larger rocks to reveal a bright orange crab just slightly larger than Hide’s fist, he held it up and away from himself for Kaneki to inspect. The underside of it was white and the way the light hit the water rolling down it’s body made the crab shimmer, it tried to reach down to where Hide held it to pinch at the other’s fingers. And it eventually succeeded, Hide dropped the crab with a yelp. Kaneki instinctively reach his hands out to catch the crab, he cradled it in his hands and lowered it gently into the water and watched it scuttle under another rock. He smiled softly up at Hide, one hand over his furiously beating heart.


	121. Chapter 121

**Quiver.**

Red, white and black.

It appeared in front of him in that dark place and he felt like a gatekeeper, the gatekeeper to a dark abyss of uncertainty. It writhed and curled in upon itself, muttering and blabbering. The thing covered in his colleagues’ blood with tendrils whipping around it was his best friend, the person that he’d risked his life to find, the sole reason that he was stood there in that sewer.

Hide crouched down and smiled, smiled as though it were any other day and they had just met by chance. He smiled and said the words that he thought might be his last.

Devotion was an odd thing, it hopelessly tied you to someone and there was no way that Hide knew to unravel the threads that bound him. There was no way that he’d even try, devotion was a choice and Hide had bound himself, he wanted to tie their destinies together but at the end of it all he only wished to be of use to the other.


	122. Chapter 122

**Lure.**

Legs, Kaneki’s legs were drawing Hide’s attention and it really didn’t help when the other bent over to adjust those white socks. White hair fell down over Kaneki’s eyes, the shocking colour was rather muted against the boy’s skin. The way the other watched Hide from under those lashes and between locks of hair, soft but with the unmistakable hint of mischief, Hide could only smile in reply. His eyes trailed up to the back of Kaneki’s knee, the delicate way that the calf connected to the thigh, Hide wanted to run his tongue along the seam. Maybe Kaneki would taste like salt from the sweat that had dried there, maybe Kaneki would taste like the sweet moisturiser that he’d used on the other that morning. And Kaneki had the audacity to wink at him, that smile curled cat like and Hide couldn’t but lick his lips.


	123. Chapter 123

**Desk.**

Lips pressed together, Kaneki didn’t want to pull away but his embarrassment was growing with as the time ticked on, face slowly turning red. He dared to open his eyes and blinked at Hide’s too close face, the other’s sunscreen soaked scent drifted up his nose. Hide opened his eyes shortly after and that embarrassed Kaneki even more. 

“Well that was kinda awkward,” Hide murmured, smiling brightly as he ran his fingers along Kaneki’s.


	124. Chapter 124

**Obviously.**

Tapping his heels against the vert of the half pipe, Kaneki watched Hide try to drop in and fail miserably. Flailing down the concrete and sliding to the middle, Kaneki could hardly hold in the giggles that bubbled up in his throat, especially when Hide’s skateboard slammed into the boy’s side. Kaneki doubled over, holding his stomach as he laughed watching Hide roll on the floor holding his side.


	125. Chapter 125

**It’s on your face.**

Kaneki was staring, he just couldn’t help it though. He was captivated by Hide’s dazzling smile, as though the sun beamed straight out of the other’s mouth. Maybe it was more like the moon, like the sun light shone off of Hide’s teeth. It just lit up that face, that face that was just so soft for him. Kaneki had noticed it, the way that Hide looked at him was different from the way the other looked at anyone else, gentle and candid expression reserved only of Kaneki. It made his own face heat up. 

“I really like your smile,” Kaneki found himself blurting out, tongue loose from the way Hide’s smile undid him. 

“You do?” Hide asked, doing something that Kaneki wasn’t privy to often, the sunflower haired boy blushed as he scratched at his cheek, adverting his eyes. 

“Y-yeah,” Kaneki replied, nodding as he hoped to see more of that tentative face.


	126. Chapter 126

**All of that.**

The AC was on full blast, Hide peeled himself from the leather couch, skin sticking a little painfully to the surface, and rolled onto the floor. Pulled at the rug, choosing fabric over the leather and flat surface of the wood flooring. 

He woke, hours later, to fingers in his sunflower hair, those gentle hands that he was so familiar with. Hide leaned into the touch with an appreciative noise, hands crawling up Kaneki’s bent knees as he hauled himself into the other’s lap. 

It seemed that no matter the weather, he was always drawn into that soft and steady embrace.


	127. Chapter 127

**Humid.**

Kaneki padded through the kitchen, feet flatly slapping against the tiled floor, the cool touch hit him instantly. He traced his fingers along the counter and came to a stop at the sink, over it was the window that looked out at their small garden. Out there Hide stood leaning against the lawnmower, shirtless, wiping his brow with the back of his hand. Even from where he stood, Kaneki could spy the beads of that ran down the other’s back and dipped into the dimples on the small of Hide’s back. Suddenly Kaneki found himself rather thirsty, swallowing to clear his throat.


	128. Chapter 128

**Manage.**

Hands flat against the wall, either side of Hide’s shoulders and he was caged in. The look on Kaneki’s face was flat and hard, as though the other were trying to melt him flat to the wall. Breath fanning up his face, Hide blinked slowly and couldn’t stop himself from thinking about how stunning Kaneki was. Then he burst into laughter, double over and leaning his head upon Kaneki’s shoulder, he felt the other stiffen underneath him.

“I’m sorry Ken,” he said, standing up straight and wiping a tear from his eye, “I just can’t stand how pretty you are.”

Kaneki’s face shifted into something familiar and soft, before flicking Hide’s forehead.


	129. Chapter 129

**Singe.**

Elbows and ass first, Kaneki hit the bed and bounced slightly upon it. Hide back on him in an instant but even that small distance was enough to make him pine, to make him whine and reach out trembling fingers for the other. Hide crawled up Kaneki’s body, lips descending, more like crashing. The other slammed hard against him and flooded his mouth, Kaneki was drowning in the love he’d yearned and ached endlessly for.


	130. Chapter 130

Fingers caught in the back of Kaneki’s shirt, the other was always just that little distance away, just slightly out of reach. So Hide leant over the couch, body stretched out and back curving. He caught Kaneki just by that sliver of fabric and pulled the other back, fingertips then fingers clawing then hands grasping and finally his arms wrapped Kaneki’s body, holding the other tight.

“Please don’t go,” he murmured against the nape of Kaneki’s neck, “there’s so much I want to show you,” he said, smiling into the kiss that he planted there. 

“What are you wait for,” Kaneki muttered in that put upon way and Hide knew he was pouting slightly, could see the blush crawling up the visible cheek. 

“Your smile,” Hide hummed, turning Kaneki around in his lap, he held the other’s face and watched as Kaneki tired and failed to suppress a smile.


	131. Chapter 131

Clouds hung low and dark in the sky, they picked up the pace as they walked home, hoping not to get caught in the downpour the was inevitable. Their index fingers were curled around each other, locked, and if someone or something tried to tear them apart they’d surely break their fingers. 

“Who’s the lock and who’s the key,” Hide wondered allowed and Kaneki swore that one day he’d go to the doctor and they’d tell him he had high blood pressure and he’d know exactly what the cause was, he’d guilt the other for the rest of eternity. 

“You better not be talking about what I think you’re talking about,” Kaneki grumbled. 

“No, you know there’s that song by Madonna, open you’re heart to me, darling, you’ll be the lock and I’ll the key, open your heart me baby, I’ll set you free~” Hide sang, swaying their hands between them and Kaneki slightly flushed at the sound of the other’s voice. 

“Oh,” Kaneki breathed, eyes glued to the floor. He already knew who the lock and the key were, had known since the moment Hide had asked him to be the other’s friend. He wondered how Hide could possibly even consider the other option at all.


	132. Chapter 132

Classic black coffee, the taste almost blew Kaneki away and boy did he need it at five in the morning. Sat up in bed going through his emails with Hide wrapped around his side, warmth seeping into his bones from the other’s touch and heat burnt down his throat, slipping down in his chest from the coffee.

“”Don’t type so loud,” Hide mumbled into Kaneki’s hip.

“Sorry,” Kaneki murmured, sliding his fingers through Hide’s hair.

These kinds of mornings were nice and grounding, never mind the bleak hour.


	133. Chapter 133

Fingers slipped through the wispy hairs at the nape of his neck, Kaneki leaned his head back into the touch. Breathing slow and deep, the in and then out rhythm, it was almost all he could do at the time. 

“At first, it might feel like the world’s ending but it isn’t,” Hide murmured, lips pressed to Kaneki’s temple, “you’ll be amazed that it just keeps spinning, you’ll be in awe of how everyone just gets on with their lives.” 

Kaneki closed his eyes, sinking further into the couch, half wanting to reach out and pull Hide closer and half wanted to push the other away.

“I’m sorry Ken, but time doesn’t stop for anyone, it won’t give you a chance,” Hide said, wrapping his arms around Kaneki and the other slumped down into his embrace.


	134. Chapter 134

Soft yellow locks between his fingertips, the scent of rain filled the air as the sky slowly began to clear, mouth in the other’s hair. And really he could hardly believe it, expected the illusion to be lifted at any second. 

The minutes ticked past and Kaneki felt more and more guilty for indulging like this in Hide’s embrace whilst his friends were suffering, but then again he owed it to Hide since he’d neglected the other so. And Hide had gone through hell and high water just to find him, he sighed into the other’s sunflower hair. Maybe it’d be to okay to stay like this, just for a while.


	135. Chapter 135

Following Hide to the bathroom, Kaneki cold barely see through the way that sleep still clung to him. He could practically hear the bed calling to him, dragging his feet upon the floor, he bumped straight into Hide’s back and slumped there. Mouth on the other’s nape and Hide shivered, the other was maybe even warmer than his bed wrapping his arms around Hide’s waist and tried not to let his legs give out from under him. 

“Ken, at some point I’m going to have to brush my teeth,” Hide groaned tiredly, “my breath’s like toxic waste.”


	136. Chapter 136

Knees pressed together and Kaneki hated the sly smile on the other’s face, it was always so painfully obvious when Hide was up to something. Excitement was just one of those things that Hide could never hide, sly smile threatening to break into that wide burst of sunshine at any given moment. Kaneki sighed, setting his book aside. 

“What?” He breathed.

“Hmm?” Hide hummed back, trying his best to play it cool.

“What is it?” Kaneki bit back.

“What is what Ken?” Hide returned, head tilted and his body shaking from the way he was holding in laughter. Kaneki chose to wait and he didn’t have to wait long before Hide erupted in a fit of laughter, the other obviously found himself hilarious. “I-I just was wondering,” Hide struggled out, chest heaving, “wondering if you ever realised that screw rhymes with me and you?”

Kaneki almost made himself dizzy from how hard he rolled his eyes.


	137. Chapter 137

Sometimes Hide woke up before Kaneki, those days were rare and far between so he liked to savour those mornings indulgently. Rolling onto his side, Hide watched the peaceful resting face of Kaneki. In these moments that face was free of pain, anger, mirth and that clipped sharp look that Hide still hadn’t quite put his finger on, it was simply just nice to see the other relaxed. 

Strong arm, stronger than Hide had ever thought Kaneki would be, wrapped around him, over his chest and Kaneki drew closer. Breath tickling like the touch of a feather grazing over his skin, white hair like straw poking into the palm of his hand, Hide gently petted the other hoping that the motion was soothing enough in itself. 

Kaneki couldn’t sleep for forever though, so Hide set his mind to things that would make the other smile, like sunflowers and old books, gentle kisses pressed to the crook of his neck. Hide sighed, lips soft against Kaneki’s rough hair and waited for the other to wake.


	138. Chapter 138

People slipped through Kaneki’s fingers like sand, scattering to the ground. No constants, no one stayed and if they actually did, by some small miracle, then didn’t stay for long. Hide was different though, despite everything, despite his often gloomy self, Hide stayed, sticking to him like glue. And he thought it so odd, how the other boy was almost completely the opposite to him.

He often considered Hide as the personification of sunshine, if you cut the boy open only light would flood out. Hide even dyed his hair the colour of sunlight, but there was more to it than that, far more. And Kaneki wanted to rip his face open at the sheer idiocy of his former self.

There was a darkness to Hide, to be more exact there was more to Hide than Kaneki had ever considered. He couldn’t think around the other’s blinding light and he supposed that that was probably the way that Hide had wanted it, Kaneki himself had never let anyone see his the deep hollow darkness in his heart, so it went without saying that other people did the same.

Hide harboured a darkness, a slick kind of desperation that had him clinging to Kaneki like a lifeline or maybe that was devotion, Kaneki had never been able to tell between the two. It stuck to Kaneki’s skin like tar just as black as the boy’s sunflower like roots.


	139. Chapter 139

The noise shocked Hide, almost made him jump out of his skin. He looked up at the wall he stood besides, there was a cat sat atop it. The cat seemed pretty distressed, meowing harshly done at Hide, pleading with him or so Hide imagined. The cat’s fur was darker than black and its eyes were a stark and muted blue, the sight reminded him of something, someone.

Hide turned toward the wall and reached his hands up, palms skyward. The cat stared pensively at Hide’s open arms, it grew quite.

“Don’t hesitate,” he said, words as soft as his smile. And the cat leaped from the wall and into Hide’s arms, he held the small creature against his chest.

“Then I won’t,” Kaneki murmured, standing not three feet away from the other. He slowly closed that distance, confidence read from that stride. The cat jumped from Hide’s grasp as Kaneki grew closer and Hide found his heart trying to jump from him too at the sight of the conviction in those bleak eyes. “Can I make you mine Hide?” Kaneki asked, fingers coiled around Hide’s wrist as he tilted his head. and Hide couldn’t help but think that he already was.


	140. Chapter 140

Tongue against his ear, it was warm and wet, but when Kaneki moved away the saliva chilled so quickly it was jarring. Hide whimpered from the way that Kaneki was pressed down upon him, skin hard against him. 

“When did you get so…,” Hide struggled to grasp the word, blushing only so slightly from the way they were skin on skin, “kinky?” 

Kaneki’s fingers dug into his sides, pushed against the spaces between his ribs. 

“Since I was away from you for so long,” Kaneki muttered, breath puffed hotly against Hide’s ear. Sinking against the other, pressing Hide into the mattress, soaking in as much as he could of the other.


	141. Chapter 141

Hand smooth down his back, soft and warm, Kaneki leaned backward into the touch. Fingers danced up his spine, it seemed to tug him down, laying flat on the bed. Looking up at Hide’s smile, he ran his hand along, watched the cat like way the other leaned into the touch. A lazy afternoon, sinking into each other’s warmth, hair against his cheek, Kaneki sighed softly against the light spring breeze that filtered through the open window. There was nothing easier than closing his eyes and letting the warm scent of sunshine drift up his nose.


	142. Chapter 142

Sat in the open doorway, Kaneki was leaning against the door frame. He heard the approaching footsteps but didn’t bother to open his eyes.

“Hot?” Hide asked and Kaneki nodded, face rubbing against he hard edge of the wood. “Here,” he said, leaning down as he held out a can for the other.

Kaneki looked up into that easy soft smile and took the can, cool water ran down the sides and Kaneki held it to his face. The other always seemed to find him during his times of need.


	143. Chapter 143

Hide was pinned to the bed, Kaneki’s kagune curled around his wrists and stroked up his stomach, Hide swallowed thickly staring up at the hunger in those eyes. 

“K-ken,” he called, voice breaking. “Don’t actually eat me,” he murmured, voice trembling. 

“Don’t crack jokes just because you’re nervous Hide,” Kaneki muttered, standing on the bed, feet dipping into the mattress. Hand on Hide’s foot, he let his fingers slide up the inside of the other’s leg and watched Hide twitch. Kissed the inside of Hide’s thigh as crawled between those legs, kagune running through that sunflower hair. 

“Just a bad habit I guess,” Hide suttered as Kaneki’s face hovered over his own, heart banging against his chest, he could barely feel the other’s lips over his own.


	144. Chapter 144

Teeth chattering, Hide wrapped his arms around himself and cursed the haughty look that Kaneki was sending his direction. The implied I told you so was as clear as day in those bleak eyes, Hide wanted to pout but wouldn’t allow Kaneki the satisfaction. Showing his stubborn side, the other was more known for the act of digging their heels in, but Hide was a man that would try his hand at anything. 

“Are you pouting?” Kaneki asked, brow arched incredulously, head titled in that way that says he knows Hide’s going to lie. 

“No,” Hide smiled, “just a little cold, you were right about me needing a new coat,” he chuckled lightly to himself, freezing to the core as he watched Kaneki’s frown deepen. 

“Are you going weird from the cold?” Kaneki said, tone flat. 

Hide picked up the pace a little and bumped straight into Kaneki, linking their arms, head rested on the other’s shoulder. 

“How can I be cold Ken, when I’ve got you beside me?” Hide said sweetly, staring up at the other, he watched Kaneki turn red and look away.

“Whatever you say, weirdo,” Kaneki muttered, but made no effort to remove Hide from his person as they continued down the road.


	145. Chapter 145

That smile, it was something that Kaneki couldn’t seem to say no to, definitely couldn’t tear his eyes away. 

“You’re always so happy,” Kaneki muttered, almost pouting, hating the way that smile had him clawing for the other’s attention, but he wilted in those times when that smile was not upon him. When Hide wasn’t there he felt blind, left all alone in the dark. 

“It’s because I’m with you,” Hide said and that smile grew impossibly wider tearing Kaneki in two, skin peeling in the heat.


	146. Chapter 146

Hide rubbed his hands together and breathed on them, it didn’t do much since they were gloved but he liked to think that this caused a placebo effect and made the weather just that little bit more easy to deal with, even if it didn’t. Kaneki eyed Hide suspiciously as they waited in line, he was a little embarrassed and a little overjoyed to be spending new year’s with the other. And he wanted to say as much, but in as dense a crowd as they were, Kaneki didn’t want other people overhearing.

“Hey Ken,” Hide called quietly, almost whispering into the other’s ear, “I’m really glad that I got to do this with you,” he said.

Kaneki just looked at the other, feeling much the same way as he did when he watched the sun light bounce off of snow drifts, disorientated and light headed.

“Me too,” Kaneki returned, smiling dumbly at the other, it was kind of funny that it was as easy as that.


	147. Chapter 147

The wind howled but did little to the temperature to the room, tangled together on the mattress and over the sheets. Kaneki had his head rested upon Hide’s chest and he watched the rain fall into the charged air of that night, he inexplicably sensed it before it happened. 

The flash of light before the rumbling of thunder and not long after that Hide’s breathing slowed, turning steady and it was kind of odd in that endearing way. Kaneki slid his fingers into Hide’s soft hair, mouth upon the other’s skin, finally he felt at ease through the raging storm.


	148. Chapter 148

Sometimes Hide could be incredibly dense and Kaneki hated it, hated it to no end. Head leant on the other’s shoulder, he was breathing against Hide’s neck and it made the other shiver. 

“You alright Ken, you sound like you’ve been running or something?” Hide asked, head tilted down toward the other. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Kaneki murmured, a little subdued. 

“Don’t you think it’s a little hot for this?” Hide said, gesturing to the way they were pressed up against each other.

“Um, sure,” Kaneki said, moving away from Hide, scooting down the couch. He stared, more accurately glared, at Hide as the other continued to stare at the television. 

Kaneki frowned and doubled down on his determination before he climbed into Hide’s lap. 

“W-what’s-”

“One way or another I am riding you tonight,” Kaneki ground out, jaw clenched. 

“Okay,” Hide said hands held up in front of him.


	149. Chapter 149

Hide stood, fingers sliding over Kaneki’s back rubbing in the sunscreen after the other had come out of the water. Really he didn’t care about the other people on the beach at all, he didn’t care that they were out in public, all he wanted to do was trail his mouth down the gentle press of Kaneki’s spine against the other’s skin. 

“Eh, I think you’re done Hide,” Kaneki muttered, looking back over his shoulder. 

“Um yeah,” Hide said removing his hands from the other, he leaned back resting on his palms. Tilting his head back, Hide watched the sky for a moment, the way the blistering sun light seemed to strip the sky with no clouds in sight. 

“You’re always smiling,” Kaneki commented, opening a book to the page he left it on. 

“You’re always reading,” Hide threw back because honestly he didn’t know how to reply since Kaneki was the reason that he was always smiling.


	150. Chapter 150

Finger curled around Hide’s ankle, pushing his leg back and further still. He felt like he was getting split in half, hands gripping the sheets. And the way Kaneki was barreling into him, hard and steady thrust that made his eyes water. The sensation was overwhelming, overstimulating and Hide’s muscles were jumping every time the other slammed against him. Kaneki wasn’t even breaking a sweat, white straw like hair practically untouched, Kaneki was still wearing those sports socks and had only pulled himself out of his crisp white boxers. Somehow, the fact that the other was only half dressed felt more scandalous than if Kaneki had been naked. Back arched and mouth agape, Hide moaned into the stale air of the bedroom. He couldn’t remember the last time they’ed really left it, beside to eat and use the bathroom, and it stank of the reunion. Kaneki bent down, sharp mouth leaving wet trails over Hide’s abdomen and whined and writhed from the feel of it. Fingers caught in the other’s rough hair and Kaneki hissed, cashing the edge relentlessly, but Hide came first yanking Kaneki’s head down as he shuddered spilling all over himself. Kaneki lasted just a bit longer, movements more erratic and Hide just watched that blissed out look dance across the other’s face. He just had to say it as Kaneki slumped against him, breath heavy and laboured. 

“Welcome home.”


	151. Chapter 151

Back arched and eyes rolling, if he wasn’t careful he’d kick Kaneki off the bed. Why Kaneki decided to tickle him was beyond Hide but he couldn’t really think about it with the way his stomach was tightening, he couldn’t help the way his leg wriggled. Kaneki sat on the edge of the bed precariously, one hand wrapped around Hide’s ankle and the other’s fingers dancing along the sole of Hide’s foot. 

“I yield! I yield!” Hide yelled, slapping the mattress. 

“Nah-uh you haven’t said the magic word,” Kaneki said with a smirk, stark white hair framing his dark brows, he was looking more sinister. 

Hide stared hard at Kaneki, screwed his mouth shut and shook his head. And Kaneki continued, Hide tried to go stiff but it didn’t quite help it. 

“Ok ok, I love creepy tentacle porn!”


	152. Chapter 152

Petals fell through the air and it made Hide’s nose real stuffy, taking allergy relief was a pain and Kaneki knew he wouldn’t take them unless he was forced to. Crushed into the morning coffee Kaneki would hand him, even threatening to force them down his throat. And the idea of that just made Hide laugh, the thought had him on the floor. 

“You don’t think I’m being serious?” Kaneki said, brow arched harshly at the other. Hide spent his life trying not to take Kaneki too seriously, but he knew if push came to shove Kaneki would tackle him to the floor before he knew what was happening.


	153. Chapter 153

Kaneki wasn’t the best at swimming but he sure as hell wasn’t going to drown, when Hide had offered him armbands he had seriously considered tearing them apart with his teeth. He declined instead and Hide had looked concerned, which in turn irritated Kaneki to no end and he just slipped into the water aiming for the other side of the beach. 

Slow determined movements, measured breath, rhythm was everything and Kaneki made it to the coarser side of the beach. Isolated and empty, Kaneki sat on the shells and rocks that were failing to become sand. He watched Hide out in the water, head turning to legs and Hide dived into the ocean. 

Hide returned on the shore, something in his hands as he approached. Kneeling down beside Kaneki, hands cupped around the thing in his palms. 

“Here,” Hide breathed, holding out his hands for the other. 

A sparkling black shell, midnight blue in the way that the vibrant sunlight bounced off of it. It wasn’t very big, small enough just to fit in one of Kaneki’s palms. Hide smiled sheepishly at him and Kaneki returned it with a quiet thank you.


	154. Chapter 154

Sat next to Hide with the lights turned out and the window wide open, the stars shone, twinkling in the darkness. Watching the sky always made Kaneki feel kinda lonely, but with Hide by his side that feeling was less severe. A muted dull ached, burning forever in the pit of his stomach. 

Hide’s arm shot out, sharp and fast like the crack of a pistol, noise just as loud beside Kaneki’s head. 

“Look!” Hide exclaimed, pointing at the shooting star, “make a wish Ken,” he urged. 

Kaneki didn’t really know what to wish for, he wasn’t the kind of person that spent time wanting for things, wishing that he had things. But then he looked back at Hide, the gleaming face, that beacon that diminished the shadows inside him. 

And so he wished for that moment to last as long as it could.


	155. Chapter 155

It was a long drop that’s for sure, Kaneki stared down the pit and it made his stomach churn. He couldn’t see the bottom, it was just a black abyss. That hungry kind of emptiness and he leaned further toward it, fingers curled around his own.

“Death’s kind of seductive isn’t?” Hide muttered, pulling Kaneki back by his side.

The ground was uneven and his feet dipped into the mud enough to be called sticky, Kaneki hated the way that it would cling to his shoes and he’d have to clean them later. And that’d be a pain, everything was slowly turning into a pain.

“Hey, look at this,” Hide whispered, holding out his other hand and there was a lady bug sitting in his palm. The red was so vibrant and the way that it danced upon Hide’s skin, it was kind of mesmerising and calming in that childlike way. “You have to decide for yourself what’s more compelling though, life or death?” Hide tilted his head as he spoke, at easy smile forever on his face and Kaneki figured that he’d be alright as long as Hide was there to say things like that.


	156. Chapter 156

It was hot and sticky, the glass filled with ice was sweat just as much as Kaneki himself. Sprawled out on top of the sheets with the window open, letting in the light from the streets. There was no wind, there air was stagnant. The door to the ensuite opened, letting cool air into the bedroom from Hide’s cold shower. And the other was cold to the touch, Kaneki couldn’t help but wrap himself around the other. Hide plucked cubes of ice from glass and trailed them lazily over Kaneki’s heated body, letting Kaneki relax against him as he lied back.


	157. Chapter 157

Hide didn’t really know what to do, honestly he knew nothing about art and neither did Kaneki but they were in the museum on a school trip and Hide was practically having a heart attack at the sights before him. He was quiet for the whole trip and Kaneki was a little worried, but wouldn’t mention anything in front of the whole class. Kaneki waited until they were walking home after school to say anything about it at all. 

“I-is everything okay, Hide?” Kaneki murmured, fingers curled around the straps of his backpack. 

“I…” Hide started but then began to chuckle at himself, “it’s funny really, I only just learnt the meaning of the word muse,” he continued to smile and scratch the back of his head sheepishly. That day, Hide realised exactly what those muses had meant to those artists and knew that was exactly how he felt about Kaneki, but the other didn’t need to hear that.


	158. Chapter 158

Despite that fact that he was safe now, that wasn’t alone anymore, Kaneki still felt out of place, even after years. Sunken, body low and jagged against the couch, Kaneki watched Hide attach the prosthetic. The sight still made his stomach churn with guilt and it was so much worse when the other locked eyes with him in those moments, that smile unchanging.

Kaneki wondered, but was too cowardly to ask, how much Hide had struggled on his behalf. How much pain and turmoil had Hide been through just to drag him out of the darkness? Kaneki didn’t know, wasn’t sure that he had the stomach to listen to the answer either. 

“Ken,” Hide murmured, his only hand slow through Kaneki’s coarse hair, “you don’t have to carry everything on your own.”

Kaneki wanted to parrot the words back at the other, but he didn’t.


	159. Chapter 159

Kaneki’s blindingly white hair was itchy against the nape of Hide’s neck, rough hands slid up his back underneath his woolen jumper. Harsh grip around his hip, fingernails digging into his skin and Hide bit the back of his hand that was braced against the wall. Kaneki’s mouth came to Hide’s shoulder, quiet words murmured into that skin, breath hot and Hide quivered. Legs trembling as he struggled to keep himself up and standing. Sweat rolling down the inside of his thigh and Hide could only whine as Kaneki’s tongue ran up his neck, honestly he didn’t expect to be so desperate when he reunited with the other. There he had been though, carrying Kaneki home and whispering about how he was going to take care of everything from now on, about how Kaneki wasn’t alone, how the other had never been alone and somehow all of that had turned into a teary eyed and heartfelt confession. And the moment Kaneki had regained his strength he had Hide flush against the wall, panting into his own hand.


	160. Chapter 160

With the heel of his palm pressed hard into the space between Hide’s shoulder blades, Kaneki loved the relieved sighs that fell from the other’s mouth. It had been a long day and they’d barely had time to see each other for the entire last week, Kaneki had been aching to be close, to be intimate with Hide since last weekend. This moment was a blessing.

The sun light softly filtered through the curtains, it was languid in the way it moved through the room. It was that kind of warm that was comforting, that kind warm that makes you sink further into the sheets. Kaneki just had to put his hands on Hide, fingers on that skin.

He’d gotten up to have his morning coffee and left Hide to sleep some more, when he returned the other was stretching across the mattress like a big cat. Kaneki had strode over and put his hands to Hide’s back, the other had groaned and no one could have stopped him from straddling Hide, not with that sound still echoing in his ears.


	161. Chapter 161

When Hide thought of angels he thought of pink and purple neon lights, the feel of a mattress with firm springs underneath him. Dry and stale stench that clung to his bones even after he’d left the room, Kaneki’s underwear had been tighter than usual. Fingers sliding up the inside of his thigh, Hide spread his legs reflexively. He was always open for the other, always willing and always waiting, it would have been more than easy for Kaneki to kill him at any moment. And in that way he figured that Kaneki was his own personal angel, could kill him easily, skin strangely soft to the touch, taking Hide away to paradise. And he let the other drag him away, slipping off into the night in a neon haze.


	162. Chapter 162

Kisses trailed down his neck and that was Kaneki’s wake up call, fingers crawling to wrap arms around him. It was that cloying kind of comfortably warm under the sheets and Kaneki couldn’t help but lean into the other’s touch, that easy laziness of the early morning as he was blinking the sleep from his eyes. He turned his face toward Hide, kissing the other back, blinking slowly and then not at all. Mumbling good morning during and in between kisses, sharing bitter breaths in the stark morning light.


	163. Chapter 163

The hamburgers were greasy and it felt good in his hands and in his mouth, but he knew it wasn’t all that good for him. The things you liked never were though, Kaneki knew as much as that, sitting alone all day in your apartment reading books wasn’t all that good for him either. Hide sat across from him, making obscene noises as his eyes rolled back into his head. Kaneki would have said something about how gross Hide was being if he didn’t agree with the other so much.

“I know right,” Kaneki muttered with his mouth full and Hide just nodded at him licking his lips.

“I wish we could come here every day,” Hide groaned.

“We’d die in less than a week,” Kaneki said kinda sadly.

“Worth it,” Hide said taking another bite.


	164. Chapter 164

Kaneki only realised that he had never seen Hide cry the first time he saw the other cry, it was a horrific honestly. Hide was the last person he knew, the only person, that hadn’t fallen apart in front of him and that got him wondering. The other in his arms as they were curled up on the couch, Hide had been carrying the weight of Kaneki’s sorrow and anger along with his own emotional turmoil and hadn’t said a word. He’d been taking Hide for granted and the thought was bone crushing as the other still shook in his arms. 

“You don’t have to carry it all by yourself,” Kaneki murmured. 

“I could say the same for you,” Hide returned, face pressed firmly into the crook of Kaneki’s neck.


	165. Chapter 165

Hand on Hide’s throat, feeling the other breathe, Kaneki was still having trouble believing that Hide was really there. Hips rolling deep inside the other, listening to whines, whimpers and moans, quiet fragile and broken sounds, it was the same voice but noises he hadn’t heard before. They’d grown whilst they were apart but had not grown apart, when they came together it was as though they’d never been apart. Like no time had past since they had parted ways, but when they saw each other the feeling was so intense that Kaneki couldn’t deny it. He didn’t know where he belonged, but at that moment he felt at home in Hide’s arms. Kissing down the other’s chest, his home was beating under the other’s skin.


	166. Chapter 166

Back to back Kaneki sat with Hide, it was a lazy afternoon and the sun was gently filtering in through open window. The breeze was soft as it flowed through their hair, Hide leaned his head back onto Kaneki’s shoulder. Music only barely audible from Kaneki’s position, it was something smooth and slow. Fingers entwined at their side, Kaneki was so relaxed he could hardly read the words of his book. It didn’t seem to matter though, nothing did in that moment. Kaneki let it slip away, book falling from his hand as he closed his eyes.


	167. Chapter 167

Fingers gripping the inside of his thighs, pushing them apart, putting Kaneki on display. And it didn’t matter how many times they did it, how many times Hide saw him naked Kaneki always found it embarrassing. He always felt inferior, felt like Hide would find something he did repulsive even though he knew it was irrational. Hide was above him, smiling down and Kaneki found it odd how the other always put him at ease when he was only worrying about Hide. 

“If I say ‘relax’ one more time I swear Ken,” Hide giggled, kissing up the inside of Kaneki’s leg and the other laughed back, the anxiety escaping him like butterflies from his throat.


	168. Chapter 168

Hide’s hair was unreasonably soft and Kaneki could barely keep his hands from it, fingers sliding into the golden locks in habit whenever he was in the other’s personal space. It was never tangled and always well kept, Kaneki figured that the other took pride in it. Kaneki felt drab in comparison, as though Hide were the sun, the light of this world, and Kaneki was the other’s anti-thesis. The completely opposite, even his hair was black and his skin was paler than Hide’s. He felt like he sucked the life out of the world that the other lit up, he felt tragic.

“Hey Ken,” Hide called, voice like sunbeams flying out of his mouth.

“Y-yeah,” Kaneki stammered.

“I don’t think I thank you enough for putting up with me,” Hide smiled, “so thank you for always keeping me around.”

Kaneki turned pink as Hide turned away, both smiling faintly.


	169. Chapter 169

Kisses on his fingertips, trailing up to his knuckles. Along his palm and underneath his wrist, up his forearm and jumping to his neck. The sensation’s kind of overwhelming as though Hide was all around him, surrounding and suffocating, it consumed him. Made him feel as though he was losing pieces of himself, slipping away into the other. Slowing falling away with the other, Kaneki drifted off into the bliss that was Hide’s devoted touch.


	170. Chapter 170

Thunder, there was a storm in his heart, Kaneki couldn’t understand it, couldn’t fathom how everything had suddenly turned out this way. Hide in his lap, rolling hips, lip locked and Kaneki wished he had gills because his throat was beginning to burn. Pulling away breathing heavily, a line of saliva begged lips to touch again. When their eyes locked, lids heavy and the sight was cloying, Kaneki was certain that his heart would break out of his chest for sure this time. 

“C’mon Ken, devour me,” Hide urged, smile predatory and Kaneki groaned before surging upward making their lips collide.


	171. Chapter 171

Hide had always known, it really did come as no surprise. What was a surprise though, was how Kaneki had been so surprised to find that he was still standing beside the other. What exactly had Kaneki thought would happen? Hide wondered, but that honestly shouldn’t have come as a surprise, considering what had happened to the other. He supposed that Kaneki was in an almost constant fear of being exposed, of being feared and killed. Somehow those fears had changed to anger and all that suppressed rage came pouring out, Hide didn’t blame Kaneki for it. Honestly it was pretty understandable. Fingers carding through the other’s hair, it meant the whole world to the pair of them to have this time of respite. Smiling against the other’s skin, Hide couldn’t suppress it at all.


	172. Chapter 172

Hide absolutely loved music, but he was tuneless and couldn’t produce a decent noise out of the simplest of instruments, which left him a little frustrated. 

“Hey Ken?” Hide called, head rest on his arms on the table.

“Hm?” Kaneki hummed, fixing himself a coffee before turning to the other.

“Does it ever irritate you that you can’t write stories?” Hide asked, tapping his fingers against the tabletop. 

“Not really, I just enjoy the stories I read,” Kaneki shrugged, “why?”

“I dunno it’s kind of frustrating not being able to take part in something that I’m passionate about,” Hide muttered, almost pouting and Kaneki smiled down at him. 

“Everyone has their own talents and I guess it isn’t fulfilling to be bad at something you love, but I bet that there are people who can’t do the things that you’re good,” Kaneki said reassuringly. 

“Like what?”

“Smiling,” Kaneki replied without missing a beat and left the room, leaving Hide slightly dumbfounded and embarrassed in that giddy sort of way.


	173. Chapter 173

Feet on the tiles, water slapping against the pale white flooring and splashing back up onto his skin, Hide was practically melting as he stared down. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Kaneki kneeling in front of him, mouth wrapped around him, the sight alone was making him weak at the knees. Hair matted to Kaneki’s forehead, Hide slid his fingers into it knowing that they’d tangle quickly. Curling his toes under his feet, head leaned back against the wall and he closed his eyes to oblivion.


	174. Chapter 174

Hide couldn’t quite put his finger on it but there was something about the tape wrapped around Kaneki’s hands that sent heat down to the pit of his stomach, probably just another of the many kinks Kaneki had been unknowingly forcing him to realise as of late. 

White hair, wet and matted to Kaneki’s forehead, honestly it really wasn’t fair how the other had buffed up in the time they had been apart. Hide had only gotten a tiny bit taller and let his hair grow a bit, it made him feel kinda pathetic especially considering how Kaneki’s new look affected him. 

“I’ve got a feeling that you don’t come down here to train at all,” Kaneki said pointedly, picking up his towel from the bench. Sweat dripping from him, falling from his chin as he rubbed the towel over himself. 

“Eh, hey I’m miles behind you,” Hide said, stuttering and knowing that Kaneki would never buy it. 

“Be that as it may,” Kaneki said slowly, “you’ve got ulterior motives and I know it so don’t act like I don’t know,” he smirked, brow arched. 

“Ah, there’s else shame in pretending though,” Hide whined and Kaneki laughed, soft and warm like he always had, Hide loved this remaining part of the former and the way it mixed with that dark look was tantalizing.


	175. Chapter 175

The music was turned low and soulful, voice curling like the steam from Kaneki’s coffee sitting forgotten on the table as Hide climbed up into his lap on the couch. Fingers crawling up underneath his shirt and all Kaneki could remember was how Hide had said that this was exactly what this kind of music was made for as the other kissed him, slow and soulful, just like the music. 

Smile into the kiss, it felt more like he was kissing the happiness from the other, Hide’s smile had always been infectious. Heart beating hard under the other’s palm, his own hands in Hide’s soft bright hair, slipping away into a place of pure bliss and Kaneki figured that he was appreciating the music on a whole new level.


	176. Chapter 176

Something took a hold of Hide’s heart, gripped it strong and hard, moving in that hold wet and loud. Hide’s focus was always sharp, like the point of a needle, and in that moment it was focused on Kaneki. It usually was, there was just something about the other that Hide couldn’t get enough of, that he worshiped. He tried his best to stay in the other’s company knowing his actions were boarding on the obsessive, often times he found his dependence on Kaneki’s presence somewhat pathetic, but honestly he couldn’t quite bring himself to care all that much when he was beside the other. He was happy there and he wasn’t hurting anyone so what did it matter to anyone else?


	177. Chapter 177

Kaneki was stood there, Hide’s fingers in his hair as the other’s hand pulled his head back. Mouth wide open as Hide’s tongue licked the inside of his cheek, his fingers curled in the other’s shirt and pulled it tight. He was almost shaking as he clutched at Hide, it had hardly been more than a day and he’d missed the other enough for him to practically throw himself at Hide. They said that distance makes the heart grow stronger or fonder or something, but for Kaneki’s heart it just made it ache and hurt.

Arms wrapped around his shoulders, nose sliding up and down against his own, hips sharply pressed together. Distance made him yearn, distance made him nervous and jittery, it made his hands shake and he couldn’t stop himself from colliding with Hide the instance he saw the other.

And Hide had smiled softly into the kiss and the worries slipped away, replaced by the other’s warmth.


	178. Chapter 178

Kaneki ached for it, deep in his bones and it was obvious from the way he would lean so into Hide’s touch. The way that he treasured every single moment between them, every touch was a heavy as the Earth, something like agony tore through he when they separated. And yet he’d let himself stew there, as though he didn’t believe that he deserved what he craved, punishing himself for wanting and claiming something that wasn’t his own. That didn’t stop him from returning to Hide every time, floating toward the other like a ghost, a boy possessed and Hide haunted him. Torn and twisted inside and out by the combination of desire and shame, a kind of poignant self inflicted point of no movement.


	179. Chapter 179

Teeth dragged down the skin of his neck and Hide knew Kaneki was trying to frighten him, the idiot. Hide had gone so far out of his way to prove to Kaneki that he wasn’t going anywhere, that he’d never just up and leave. He was certain in his resolve that there was absolutely nothing that Kaneki could do that would scare him. There was nothing and he’d never been more sure of anything in his entire life, getting it through to Kaneki though was a tough task. There wasn’t anything that he could say or do to set the other’s mind at ease, it was an ingrained fear of abandonment that grown larger over the years, it was just another part of Kaneki. Hide would just have to be patient, this he knew, he would have to prove that he wouldn’t leave by staying and that was all he could do. Leaning up into the other’s touch, an animal will bear its stomach to its master in a display of loyalty and he supposed that this was no different.


	180. Chapter 180

Teeth, the kiss was more teeth than lips and the desperation laced there was setting Hide on edge, hips rolling to meet his sharply and Kaneki hissed in that satisfied way that had Hide wondering if they’d die that night. It was starting to get like that every night and Hide was pretty sure that his heart couldn’t handle the constant squeeze from the stress and anxiety and Kaneki gave life to in his stomach. 

Hide would never tell the other to stop though, would never even suggest that Kaneki do anything other than what the other thought was right. Telling people what to do never sat right with him, then again manipulation was something he very capable of, Kaneki was his Achilles heel. 

He’d crumple to his knees for the other, fingers digging into the small of Kaneki’s back like it’d be the last time.


	181. Chapter 181

_He didn’t give a damn if the sun fell from the sky, if it burnt out one day._

_It could all burn down for all he cared, just as long as he had his sunshine._

_Beaming bright and hot enough to keep him warm for centuries._


	182. Chapter 182

Foreheads pressed together, they pressed their lips together, shuffling their bodies closer atop the mattress. Soft and gentle in the lazy Sunday morning, fingers sliding up Hide’s arms to the other’s shoulders. The tenuous muscles there, Kaneki ran his fingers across them and kneaded the other. Slow languid kisses and they rolled their boddies together, hips colliding in a stuttered motion. Sounds hiccuped out of him and Hide whined when they parted for air, pulling just a few centimeters away from each other. Knees clashing awkwardly as they tried to get closer, to fill the tiny space that was left between them. Hide’s foot slide under Kaneki’s own and Kaneki couldn’t help but giggle into the other’s mouth, chest fluttering as the noise escaped him.


	183. Chapter 183

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: suicide.

Hide had never stopped, had gone on, devoted and determined. Everyone else had stopped though, walking along on his own so sure that it wouldn’t always be that way. 

Now though, Hide was sat in his apartment, still alone, and thoughts he had promised himself and Kaneki that he would never think seriously. It had been years though, years since he had seen the other and a solid year since he had any leads at all. 

Loneliness gouged at him, tore at him deep. It was a hollow ache and Hide couldn’t bare the carry it anymore, it was weighing him down. 

He wasn’t himself when he was without Kaneki, honestly Kaneki had given him the courage, had given him the strength to be brave and stand by the other. Since he’d met Kaneki he couldn’t stop thinking about the other, couldn’t stop worrying and quickly learnt easy ways to care for Kaneki that the other would accept. 

Kaneki was his best friend, but was more than that, he was attracted to Kaneki. As though the other had a gravitational pull and Hide couldn’t help but get pulled in, he’d never been so close to anyone as he was to Kaneki. 

It meant the world to him and the thought that he could never see the other again was bone crushing, everything within him was breaking under that weight and Hide really couldn’t take it anymore. 

He pulled the blade from his razor, spun it between his fingers and sat back on the couch, thinking about what he was going to do. 

He brought his fist to his forehead and closed his eyes, he’d throw away everything just for the chance to tell Kaneki that it was all okay, that everything was fine and not a damned thing that Kaneki had done changed anything between them. 

It had been so long, so long and Hide could hardly remember the sound of the other’s voice. It was getting painful to think of their joint past, to remember the good times hurt him more than the absence did. 

“I’m sorry Ken, I just can’t do it without you,” he murmured against the back of his hand, watching the light glint off of the blade. 

Hide brought the blade to his wrist and made to slice downward along his forearm, the window burst apart and Hide froze reflexively. 

“Don’t do that,” Kaneki urged, brow furrowed. 

“You could have just opened the window,” Hide murmured deadpan, easily joking as usual, “there’s glass everywhere, that might not be a problem for you but since you’re so worried about this,” Hide waved the blade in the air, “then you should consider the minefield that you’ve created of my floor.”

“Ugh, Hide,” Kaneki groaned, he moved to the couch faster than Hide’s eyes could pick up. He took the other’s wrist and tore the blade from Hide’s hand, climbed into the other’s lap. “I’m here now, so you don’t need to do that right?” Kaneki asked, tilting his head. 

“Yeah, you are,” Hide smiled softly, fingers curling in the front of Kaneki’s shirt and pulled the other down, straw like white hair poked at his skin, “I love you,” he murmured against the other’s skin. 

“I know,” Kaneki said lowly, “me too,” he dipped down and captured the other’s lips and sunk into Hide, hands on the other’s face. 

“I fucking better not be dreaming,” Hide snickered and Kaneki groaned. 

“No more dramatics please,” Kaneki said.

“Just as long as you stay,” Hide said, digging in his heels. 

“Fine,” Kaneki sighed against Hide’s skin and allowed the other to pull him down as they slipped horizontal down the couch.


	184. Chapter 184

Kaneki had walked home in his uniform, minus the apron and plus his coat. It was getting cold outside and the wind was bitter, he pulled the collar of his coat up to his cheek. He didn’t usually walk home in his uniform, but that morning he’d gotten up late and had been out of sorts and went in his uniform without a change of clothes.

Getting home, he just wanted to lay down and close his eyes for a while, but someone was stood in the kitchen and Kaneki was beginning to regret giving Hide a spare key.

“Hey, how was work?” Hide spun around smiling broadly.

Kaneki sighed and dropped down onto the couch, rubbed his brow and tried to keep his eyes open.

“Coffee?” Hide asked with a tiny bit of sarcasm and Kaneki glared pointedly at him, Hide giggled and made his way to the other and straddled Kaneki’s waist. Kissed along the other’s weary face, Kaneki turned his head to meet the other’s lips sinking into the couch as he pulled the other closer. “You know, this uniform’s pretty sexy,” Hide murmured against the corner of Kaneki’s mouth.

“Are you being serious?” Kaneki groaned, arms wrapped around Hide’s waist, fingers tracing the small of the other’s back.

“Super serious,” Hide said lowly, kissing up Kaneki’s jaw, “don’t take it off.”

“Jeez Hide,” Kaneki whined, heat flowing over him and he ground up into the other’s ass hissing through gritted teeth.


	185. Chapter 185

Hide had always felt as though he belonged to the other, heart and soul Kaneki’s alone right from the beginning. There had been this force, like gravity but stronger, forever pulling him closer to the other until they collided. And when they collided it left Hide awestruck and gasping, thrown on the bed by Kaneki, bouncing on the mattress and he thought that it was only a fraction of the other’s strength. Kaneki was a very gentle and careful person, palm curled around the flat of Hide’s foot as Kaneki push his legs apart. Hide was pressed softly down into the mattress, newly rough hand smoothing up the back of his thigh. He wondered if he was breathing, stuttered odd noises came from his throat as he watched Kaneki crawl between his legs. And this had all started in a sewer and Hide couldn’t get the thought out of his head that Kaneki smelt as sweet as always, maybe he was just high on the other’s touch.


	186. Chapter 186

Kaneki sat on the bench in the park on their campus waiting for Hide’s classes to finish, rubbing his hands together and blowing on them in the new winter air. The leaves were only just starting to fall from the trees and the air had turned pretty bitter, Kaneki was wearing his coat but had been mistaken when he chose not to wear gloves.

“Hey, you weren’t waiting long were you?” Hide asked pulling the hood of his coat over his head as he smiled down at the other.

“No, not really,” Kaneki said shaking his head, even if he had been waiting for a while he doubted that he would ever have the courage to complain about it when faced with that smile.

“Let’s get coffee eh?” Hide said, tilting his head as he made to move away, Kaneki trailing behind him.

“Which coffee place do you want to go to?” Kaneki asked, fingers around the strap of his bag.

“I dunno, you’re the expert,” Hide smirked as he looked toward the other, Kaneki stared down at the floor trying but failing to fight his blush.


	187. Chapter 187

Kaneki just couldn’t get enough of the sight and sound of Hide laughing, he wanted to always have the other just on the edge of laughter. The way Hide’s mouth squirmed when the other was trying to hold it in, the wheezing and gasping when Hide couldn’t breathe because he’d been laughing so much. It was all so endearing and it brought so much life and light into Kaneki’s life, he couldn’t imagine the other sad, didn’t want to consider a world where that happened but he knew it did. So he did his best to keep the other laughing, to keep Hide smiling that glorious sunshine smile beaming down upon him. It was the only light he knew and he felt so selfish, but he couldn’t help the way he was devastatingly drawn to the other. He’d pull that smile from the darkness every time.


	188. Chapter 188

Tongue flat against the other’s Adam’s apple, the sun was beating down upon them and Kaneki always sweated more than he did, Hide just lapped it up from the other’s skin. Feeling Kaneki gulp, it was kind of electrifying, the way every movement Kaneki made affected him so. The other’s lips were in his hair, teeth grazing along his scalp, fingers carding through the hair on Hide’s nape. 

“You taste like sunscreen,” Hide muttered, nipping at Kaneki’s neck. 

“Of course I taste like sunscreen,” Kaneki groaned, “I’m surprised I’m not smoking.”

“You’re smoking hot though,” Hide snickered against Kaneki’s skin, laughing fully when the other sighed heavily.


	189. Chapter 189

Hands moving slow and gently up the inside of Kaneki’s legs, Hide was certainly nervous and tried to keep his hands from shaking as he touched the other. He didn’t want to make Kaneki anymore nervous than the other already was, slipping his waist between Kaneki’s legs as he held his hands to the other’s hips. Skin pale and soft, it was almost like touching the petals of a white rose, pressing his tongue to the inside of Kaneki’s thigh. Watching the other’s chest shudder as Kaneki sighed, Hide wanted to take the other’s breath away, crawling over Kaneki in the low light.


	190. Chapter 190

Tea sliding down his throat, warm and smooth, spreading heat all over Kaneki’s body. Scarf wrapped around his neck and hat discarded on the table between them, he watched Hide blow at the coffee in his hands. The wind was strong outside, it whipped around people, pulling at their clothes and hair, Kaneki was glad that they were finally inside. Hide smiled over the rim of his coffee, that did as much to warm Kaneki up as the tea did. Cheeks turning pink as he hid his face with the cup, body almost too warm.


	191. Chapter 191

Kaneki had always felt as though he would always be the last to know something, if he wasn’t then it would most certainly be terribly devastating news. This time though he didn’t think about that, didn’t even think about himself, no self loathing or self pity. Just a sea of thankfulness, he fell to his knees in front of the other for a second time. Fingers caught in Hide’s pant leg, holding onto the other so they couldn’t let go.

“Oi get up,” Hide said, holding a hand out for Kaneki. 

Kaneki rose and wrapped his arms around the other in an instant, squeezing the life from Hide, sinking into the other’s warmth.

“Hey, now you’re not just the first person to know something, you’re the only one,” Hide murmured, arms coming around Kaneki. “Forgive me Ken, but late news is better than bad or no news.” 

And Kaneki couldn’t help but silently agree as he stood there absorbing the other’s reality.


	192. Chapter 192

It was a clean cut, Hide noted as he stared down at it in the starkly lit hospital room. Bandages wrapped around the stump, it was certainly shocking but that died down into unease as he realigned his present with his memories. He’d done this himself, he had been prepared to weather the consequences of that action. In reality though, he had passed out not long after the event, losing an arm was very hard on the rest of the body apparently. Hide could still feel his fingertips and he wondered if they wriggled where they now resided, what a morbid thought.

He had no clue what had transpired after, since he hadn’t been conscious. As the hours turned to days he was slowly feed information on the events of that night. Everyone that spoke to him sounded suspicious and untrusting, he’d figured that much would happen since they’d obviously found him mostly whole and looking very much like he hadn’t fought against it at all. His wound gave that much away, it was so clean.

They couldn’t charge him with anything, couldn’t make him stay in the hospital and they certainly couldn’t hold him for questioning. So they let him go and told him they’d review his position when he was ready to come back to work, Hide took that to meaning that they’d tell him there was no place for a man with one arm in the CCG.

He returned home to find Kaneki sat waiting on the couch, Hide wasn’t surprised really, he’d always been certain that the other had survived. He couldn’t go on thinking anything else.

“Am I dreaming?” Hide asked, smiling dumbly.

“In what kind of dream do you have one arm?” Kaneki asked, fighting the smile to try to stay serious. Hide figured that the other was fighting with that strong sense of guilt Kaneki had always carried, well it wouldn’t have been right with there was none of that.

“All of my new ones,” Hide replied honestly.

“I-I’m sorry,” Kaneki said after a moment of silence and he didn’t take his eyes away from Hide’s face.

“You don’t have to be but I suppose you always will be,” Hide shrugged, smiling still as he came to sit beside the other, “what you’re reading?”


	193. Chapter 193

The lights were all off expect the lamp that Kaneki read by, curled up comfortably in the couch. Hide’s head sat in his lap, the other had their eyes closed whilst muffled music filtered through Hide’s headphones. It was a quiet moment of solace after such a long time of continuous tragedy, it was like he was dreaming, it took so long for him to believe what he was seeing. 

Although, he felt selfish and ignorant the longer he stayed like that. Something had to give at some point, it was just the way things were. He couldn’t relax for forever.


	194. Chapter 194

Fingers wrapped around Hide’s throat, eyes blown black out and nostrils flared wide. Kaneki was so hungry, so painfully hungry that the growling of his stomach sounded like the howling that came out of the snapping mouths of wolves or maybe that was just in his head. 

Maybe it was all just in his head, maybe Hide wasn’t even there, maybe he wasn’t hungry. 

“Ken, breathe,” Hide said firmly and calmly. 

And Kaneki did, he let all the air rush out him in one go. Hands gently slipped over his own still around the other’s neck, he relaxed a little but didn’t let go. He couldn’t let go at all, what if Hide disappeared the instant he let the other go. 

Hide slid his hand underneath Kaneki’s, locked their fingers together.

“You can hold onto me forever, I’m not going anywhere again, even if you let me go,” Hide said with complete and total conviction, enough to give Kaneki the strength to completely let go. 

And Hide was still there.


	195. Chapter 195

“I have something to say,” Kaneki murmured deep into the night and Hide hardly caught it in the dead air. 

Hide waited, waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness but the rest never came. Turning to his side, he found Kaneki wide awake breathing unsteadily into the stale night. 

“What was it you wanted to say Ken?” He asked sincerely, hand searching for the other’s under the covers. 

“I-if it turned out that I had done something awful, but for the right reasons would you forgive me?” Kaneki said all in one burst of noise, the words rushed out of him like air. 

The answer came to him as easy oxygen filled his lungs. 

“Always,” Hide assured with the confidence that came to him when he was by Kaneki’s side.


	196. Chapter 196

Kaneki watched the caterpillar crawl across the windowsill, it was a fuzzy thing and he thought about how, in just a few weeks, it would become a butterfly. Such a glorious metamorphosis, but Kaneki preferred the caterpillar to the butterfly, admired its determination. He said as much to Hide, that even though the caterpillar didn’t really know what was happening, it strives to make itself better. 

“Heh, reminds me of you,” Hide had said, hand on Kaneki’s shoulder and Hide would never know how much that meant to him. That someone saw the way he struggled to make things right.


	197. Chapter 197

Sat in the corner booth of some nowhere diner that sat just off of a highway, the food was greasy and they loved it that way. The coffee was burnt and Kaneki tried his best not to turn his nose up at it, but seeing the way that Hide was almost snickering at him, he figured that the other had seen his displeasure.

And he loved the way that Hide laughed, every nuance and every slight change in the difference of laughter. None of them were ugly, unlike the other’s terrible jokes that Kaneki couldn’t seem not to laugh at.

The beat up car outside that had belonged to Hide’s aunt sat outside, there must have been sand in every possible opening from the way Hide had done donuts in the desert. And the constant circular motion had made his stomach lurch, but his heart was beating so fast and that laughter filled his ears, he couldn’t bring himself to tell Hide to stop until he was actually puking.

That led them to the diner and refilling Kaneki’s stomach, he could still remember Hide’s face split between disgust and sympathy, the sight was pretty funny despite the rising stench and the fact that they’d have to clean the car.


	198. Chapter 198

It was dark, almost pitch through the window and the wood beyond the car didn’t scare him that night. Hide sat in his lap in backseat rocking against him, lip locked and he breathed harshly through his nose. He could pull away from the other, wouldn’t dare. And it was hot enough to make the windows steam up, panting into each other’s mouths, hips stuttering upward as the heat made him flush under his clothes. Cheeks red and sweating enough for it to drip off of them, loud enough that there was no doubt about what they were doing. 

But the darkness drew out into infinity and drowned out the horizon, they panted and moaned into the wildness, kissing into oblivion.


	199. Chapter 199

Kaneki liked the way the mask felt on his face and sometimes he was certain that it was a bad thing, sometimes he considered the thought that the power of his body went to his head and somewhat poisoned his mind. He’d turned giddy with strength, out witting his opponent gave him such a high it felt like he was flying. 

Hide though, whenever he even saw the other, Kaneki came crashing down to the floor. Grounded by the sight of Hide, almost on his knees when that smile broke the other’s face. Words echoed inside his head and he remembered who he was in an instant, Hide made him human. Hide purified him in touch and in voice, so willing to hold him together, sewing each seam closed again. And Kaneki would sigh, sinking into the room as he announced that he was home again.


	200. Chapter 200

Kaneki liked dark chocolate and Hide would always turn his nose up it, Hide piled sugar up in his coffee and Kaneki turned his nose up at that. Then again though they’d still kiss, tasting the things they hated in each other’s mouths. It was always like that, small compromises that brought them closer together instead of holding them apart. And those all counted up to larger things, but Kaneki could hardly stand in awe in sight of the way Hide accepted him as the half ghoul that he was. There was nothing that Kaneki could accept about Hide since the other hadn’t done anything nearly as terrible, but when Hide eventually did, and Kaneki was waiting for the day, he would just shrug and accept the other just like Hide did for him. 

“Don’t worry Hide,” Kaneki almost yelled when he thought of it. 

“About what?” Hide asked, face screwed up in confusion.

“When you fuck up I am so going to forgive you so fast it’ll make your head spin,” Kaneki said with a firm grin. 

“Right,” Hide said drawn out and turn back to what he’d been doing as Kaneki continued to stand there being proud of himself.


	201. Chapter 201

Hide had told himself that it wouldn’t matter, none of the things that Kaneki had worried about mattered anyways, but the thought of the other not remembering him was driving him insane. 

“Oh, hello?” Sasaki said, awkward upward inflection. 

And it was the same person, so obviously the same person as his Kaneki, but it also wasn’t in that eerie and uncanny way. 

“Hi,” Hide smiled, but it was sort of painful. Had he really expected the other to remember him? That seemed mighty naive of him and yet, he was always the kind to hold onto hope. 

“I don’t believe we’ve met,” Sasaki smiled, a little awkwardly, blushing as he scratched the side of his mouth.

“No, I don’t think so,” Hide shrugged, at least the other’s reactions were still the same. He didn’t mind rebuilding from the ground up, as long as Kaneki was still there.

“Y-you’ve got a really nice smile,” Sasaki stammered out and that just made Hide smile wider.


	202. Chapter 202

Fingers interlocked, Kaneki didn’t really need a scarf to keep his face warm, his blush was doing all the work for him. They’d done this plenty of times and Kaneki was still so nervous about it, he had a feeling that he would always be nervous about it because he never felt like he was good enough. Even though Hide would always reassure him that he was good enough, that he deserved to be as happy as anyone else. He never felt like that though, especially when his friends were suffering, what right did he have to be happy when other people were hurting because of him? 

“Ken,” Hide tugged Kaneki’s arm, Kaneki turned and Hide was smiling that broad smile that burnt the shadows away. Kaneki hummed, acknowledging Hide. “Would you smile for me Mr. Tomato,” he snickered, chest stuttering as he laughed and Kaneki couldn’t help but laugh too.


	203. Chapter 203

Hide constantly heard the way that Kaneki would go on and on about how much the other loved his smile, but Kaneki would say anything positive about himself and that really made Hide sad. 

He tried so many times to tell Kaneki, but the other just never listened. 

Hide thought that Kaneki’s smile was the most beautiful thing that he’d ever seen, something so gentle and humble. Something that showed how much the other cherished every moment they shared, something that brought light into the darkest parts of himself. Kaneki was so blinded by self-hatred and the love he held for Hide that he never saw Hide’s flaws, never saw the way that Hide clung to him so desperately, never saw how Hide didn’t really have that many friends, never saw the depths of depravity that Hide had stooped to claw back to him. 

Smiling to himself, Hide figured that it didn’t really matter as long as Kaneki continued to smile as faintly as a ghost’s skin, that face always meant the world to him.


	204. Chapter 204

Kaneki’s grip on his ass was strong and made Hide whine, hips rolling so deep as Kaneki held him against the wall. Hide wondered if you could get wallpaper burn? Either way, it was hot as hell and only this time would he agree with Kaneki when the other called himself a demon. 

Blunt finger nails clawed at Kaneki’s back, head smacked against the wall as Hide moaned, legs wrapped around the other’s waist. Tongue flat against his pulse, Hide squirmed. 

The animalistic way Kaneki claimed him, it was an odd idea to Hide since he already belonged completely to the other, but that didn’t stop him from loving it all the same.


	205. Chapter 205

Kaneki was wearing his thickest sweater, curled up on the couch with a blanket over him. Kaneki was fast asleep and Hide was almost bursting at the sight, it was incredibly adorable, he almost made a he pitched embarrassing noise. Then again, he couldn’t really think of a time when Kaneki wasn’t being completely and utterly adorable. 

He sat on the end of the couch and turned the tv on, it was nice and oddly domestic, a quiet moment of respite in their constantly hectic lives. 

Kaneki stretched out his legs and put his feet on Hide’s lap, Hide smiled softly leaning his head back against the couch as he closed his eyes and let the noise from the tv wash over him.


	206. Chapter 206

Shiver in the darkness, Kaneki didn’t like being naked in the stark light and Hide wouldn’t deny him that comfort. Hand sliding up the inside of his thigh, Kaneki’s first instinct was to close his legs but he tried to ignore it. Hands tentative as they reached out for the other, Hide’s skin was warm to the touch and that made Kaneki lean in further. 

Skin against skin, gentle soft touches and Kaneki heard his own voice so loud in the quiet of the night. Lips locked and smacking of their mouths, Kaneki’s quiet moans and Hide’s stuttered gasps. 

Opening up slowly for each other like nocturnal flowers, only blooming in the twilight.


	207. Chapter 207

Hand against the other’s neck, pressed there in such a way that he could feel Hide’s pulse, so that he could be sure that the other was really there and really alive. Staring hard into the other’s eyes, Kaneki still didn’t feel like he was there. He felt more like he was gazing through the back of someone else’s head, but all the sensations were his own. 

“Ken, come back down to earth,” Hide breathed, air sweeping over Kaneki’s face, “I can’t kiss you if you’re all the way up there,” he said, dipping his head down, grazing their lips together. 

The sensation pulled Kaneki back into his body, pushed him up against the other’s body. Lips pressed forcefully together, he could hear their hearts beating in unison, a synchronised breathing so that they could stay attached for longer. 

“Did I die?” Kaneki murmured, lips moving over Hide’s.

“I don’t think Heaven smells like coffee and washing up liquid,” Hide smirked back, arms around Kaneki waist. 

“I suppose not,” Kaneki shrugged, straining his neck to kiss Hide again, hard.


	208. Chapter 208

Back arched and shoulder blades touching, Hide’s arms were wrapped tight around his waist. Keeping Kaneki stable, grounded as the other crashed against him. Mouth on his neck and the air was filled with his pants and Hide’s whispered sweet nothings, the other’s voice was like honey sliding down his ear canal. Legs spread to the point where it ached, but the ache was so good like the sweet burn of exercise.

“I’m gonna fall,” was all Kaneki could think to say, body shaking as he curled in on himself. Fingers scraping to reach even a patch of Hide’s flesh, clinging onto the other like a lifeline.


	209. Chapter 209

_It has to be like this, since this is the way it has always been._

Kaneki thought that and he thought it often, it wasn’t hard those words came easily to him. It was simply a matter of fact that these sorts of things would happen to him. 

Except, Hide was never like that. It put Kaneki on edge a little, he was waiting for the day when the other would turn on him and say what he truly meant. That never happened though, Hide was always there right by his side, loyal to the bone. 

Always greeted with that beaming smile and warm strong hugs, it was more than he could handle, this kindness with consequences. He’d try not to shake against the other, forever upholding the image of himself that had made Hide like him. They had been friends for so long though, he could hardly remember who he once had been. 

“Oi, Ken you’re my best friend,” Hide said, seemingly out of nowhere and Kaneki almost choked on his coffee, “and I hope I’ll always be yours,” he said, scratching the arm of his seat.

“What’s this, of course Hide,” Kaneki urged, feeling mighty pressed upon, “there’s really no need to say things like that so suddenly, it’s not like I’m dying,” he tried his hand at light laughter.

“Really? That’s a relief,” Hide laughed and the sound somehow set Kaneki at ease, it was boisterous and filled the room. Filled it all up until Kaneki no long knew how to feel alone.  


	210. Chapter 210

Hands digging hard into Hide’s shoulders, he really didn’t like being on the other’s shoulders. It was too high and he felt like the bloom of a wilting flower, Hide’s bubbling laughter wasn’t really doing anything to quell his anxiety. 

“Let me down Hide!” Kaneki said, shrilly, arms shaking as he held onto the other.

“But I promised to never let you down though,” Hide said, smirking to himself. 

“You are the worst,” Kaneki screamed, wriggling atop Hide, “the literal worst!”

“Ken stop, you’ll fall,” Hide said, reaching up to steady the other.

Kaneki didn’t listen though and pulled at Hide’s face, pulling the other’s cheeks. They fell backward, the pair of them flailing, luckily they were close to the couch and fell upon that. Heaving breath, Hide was now atop Kaneki.

“I hate you,” Kaneki seethed, weakly pushing at the other for Hide to get off.

“Love you too,” Hide beamed up at the other, smiling wide.


	211. Chapter 211

The room was thrown in inky shadows, lit by varying shades of blues and purples. It gave a warm and gentle glint to Kaneki’s eyes, Hide was captivated in the darkness. They sat facing each other, legs around each other’s waists. Hide ran his fingers down Kaneki’s face, pushing his fingertips gently against the other’s cheeks. 

“It’s late,” Kaneki commented, leaning into the touch like a house cat.

“Yeah,” Hide breathed, sinking down from the way Kaneki’s breath sweep along his forearm. 

They didn’t go to bed though, just sat there comfortably. Hide wanted the other to sink into his warmth, wanted Kaneki to allow the love that he deserved to wash over him. Wanted to drown Kaneki in his affections, sighing he pressed their foreheads together.

“We’ll stay like this until you believe me when I say it, I love you,” Hide murmured, contented by the softness of Kaneki’s skin.


	212. Chapter 212

“Do you really believe that no one has ever loved you or do you believe that you are undeserving of love? I guess they both go hand in hand,” Hide said, looking up wistfully. 

It wasn’t really either of those things and the pair of them knew it. It was his desperation to be liked and not to be hurt, in striving for that he’d torn himself apart and allowed others to do the same. To the point where he hardly knew who he was, had he ever really been himself?

“No, neither and maybe both,” Haise muttered, “I just want to be liked without being hurt.”

“Heh, do I not count?” Hide smirked. 

“I never saw you as a part of the equation, I saw you as something to protect,” Haise said thoughtfully, really what had he done for the other to earn this devotion?

“That’s up to me,” Hide said, “I chose you and I’d choose you every time no matter what you’re name is or who you say you are,” he stood over Haise, holding his hand out for the other. “There’s this thing people say about hedgehogs.”

“More random facts about the loneliness of small animals?” Haise offered the other a weary smile, taking Hide’s hand.

“Yeah, they say that hedgehogs are afraid to get close to each other because their spikes will hurt the both of them, but Haise you have to trust someone not to hurt when you’re vulnerable in order to be truly loved. And that means showing them your vulnerability, if you’d have done for me from the start I’d have always been by your side,” Hide said, pulling Haise to his feet. 

“Ah well, that can’t be helped now but I appreciate the sentiment all the same,” Haise said, smiling sheepishly as he scratched the back of his neck. 

“You’re not Haise anymore, but I doubt you’ll be the Kaneki that any of us knew, this time be yourself,” Hide said, letting go of the other.

“I guess it’s time to break the reverie,” Haise said.

“Everything up to this point has been as real as anything else, don’t think of me as a phantom. It’s just another beginning,” Hide remarked, letting Haise move past him.

“I’ve had far too many chances I feel,” Haise said, “if I’m not careful my luck might run out,” he almost laughed, moving through his own tunnel vision. 

He wasn’t moving toward the light, not rushing to his own salvation, he was his salvation. He would become his own hero, it wasn’t about love or duty or protection or that painfully aching loneliness anymore. It was bigger than the universe and small enough to fit in the palm of his hand. It wasn’t a dream anymore nor a wish, but a determined promise.

“We’ll go home soon.”


	213. Chapter 213

“I wanted to be remembered, I wanted people to like me, I wanted to make everyone happy,” Haise muttered, unsure of what to call himself anymore, wondered if it even mattered anymore. 

“I know who you are,” a voice out of the darkness, just like it had been in the sewer. And again it felt more like a memory and a hallucination than anything approaching reality. 

“One person doesn’t outweigh the world,” Haise murmured, lost inside himself. 

“Oh is that so?” Hide’s voice said, tone dancing on the edge of condescending. 

“It is,” Haise said, sticking to his convictions.

“What about you, do you believe that you haven’t made a difference?” Hide asked, sounding very much like he knew the answer already. 

“As if I’ve done anything but destroy things,” Haise said, clenching his fists.

“That doesn’t sound like Haise,” Hide commented, smiling down at him like always.

“I’m taking everything into consideration,” Haise replied, brows furrowed as he frowned. 

“Then consider this, I had no friends before I met you and no one’s ever treated me like you did. Then there’s Touka, you saved her life. You saved Nishiki’s life too and Banjou’s and Hinami’s, you taught Hinami how to read. You brought compassion out of Tsukiyama and you were loyal to the manager. Those kids, the Qs, they all look up to and you’ve taught them so much, I doubt any of them would be alive without your guidance,” Hide said, as though he was a lawyer laying out evidence for the jury and the judge. 

“Those good deeds are rotted by my selfish intentions,” Haise muttered darkly, jaw tight.

“No one’s really selfless Ken, that’s a part of human nature,” Hide said, speaking like a was teaching a child. “You shouldn’t worry about all that stuff, you should just do what you think is right,” Hide said and he turned to face Haise then, hair dyed in golden glory and his smile beamed bright enough to cast the demons back to their shadows. “It’s about time that you got back up.”


	214. Chapter 214

The sky was so dark and Kaneki couldn’t see any stars, he said as much.

“We’re indoors Ken,” Hide murmured quietly in the night, Kaneki was slumped against him, the other’s back was to his chest and rubbing his eyes. 

“Weren’t we just outside?” Kaneki asked confused.

“No, you fell asleep at the park and I had to carry your ass home,” Hide said and the other could hear the smile in his voice. 

“Sorry,” Kaneki sighed, staring up at the other.

“That’s alright,” Hide said, smiling down and Kaneki could see it now. “It was kind of cute, I mean besides the effort of actually carrying you back,” he commented, arms wrapped around the other’s waist. 

“That’s embarrassing,” Kaneki muttered, frowning as he spoke. 

“And that’s even more cute,” Hide returned, giggling and Kaneki pouted up at him, Hide couldn’t help himself then and dipped his head down to kiss the other softly. “Every reaction you make is super cute,” he said smiling still and Kaneki pulled at his cheeks painfully in revenge.


	215. Chapter 215

The streets were cold and sparse that night, Hide could see his breath billowing from his mouth. Kaneki walked beside him, curled in on himself and it always seemed like the other was trying to make himself as small as possible. Like Kaneki wanted become as invisible as humanly possible, Hide knew the other though himself to be an insignificant person. That was the exact opposite of what he was to Hide though, Hide thought the world of Kaneki and wasn’t afraid to show it. 

Slipping his hand into Kaneki’s coat pocket and entwined his gloved fingers with the other’s, Hide slid closer to the other and walked almost hip to hip. It really was a nice night despite the cold, the clouds were thin and far so the stars shone brightly in the winter sky. 

“Hey, it’s so quiet tonight that it’s almost as if it was just you and me left in the whole world,” Hide muttered, starring up instead of where they were headed. 

“That’s sad and morbid,” Kaneki said, tone bordering on flat.

“Well, as long as I’m with you then I don’t really care,” Hide said, shrugging.


	216. Chapter 216

Kaneki was sat the in passenger seat of the car waiting for Hide to come back, he was startled when the other put their arms on the car door, Hide’s head came through the window.

“What the hell?” Kaneki barked, reeling back. 

“Sorry,” Hide laughed, “take these,” he pushed the bag through the window and set it on Kaneki’s lap. 

“Uh sure,” Kaneki murmured, shift through the contents of the bag.

“Hey Ken gimme a kiss,” Hide said pouting as he leaned further through the window.

Kaneki groaned as he grimaced at the other, rolling his eyes.

“No,” he muttered.

“Ok,” Hide smiled moving away from the car, Kaneki’s arm shot out to pull the other back into the car. A brief press of lips was all it was and the moment was over before it began, but it left his heart racing.


	217. Chapter 217

Hand through straw like white locks, Hide pulled at Kaneki’s hair as the other knelt in front of him. Lips wrapped around his member and he felt himself throb inside Kaneki’s wet hot mouth, he was torn between closing his eyes and staring down at the other. Kaneki’s movements made that choice for him though and Hide found his head thrown back against the wall, legs shaking as Kaneki lightly ran his hand up and down the inside of his thigh.

Tongue flat against his pulse and Hide knew he wouldn’t last long, never did with Kaneki’s face between his legs. A lesser man would have worried about the teeth of a ghoul, but Hide trusted Kaneki with every part of himself.

“K-ken,” Hide moaned, trying his best to warn the other, gently tugging at that snow white hair. 

Kaneki didn’t budge though, fingers digging into the other’s leg, swallowing Hide down and the sensation made Hide bite the back of hand watching the way that the other stared up at him the whole time.


	218. Chapter 218

Everybody was gone now, Kaneki was left alone in the dark recesses of his own mind. It felt like he got shunted far into the background, maybe he was dying? It didn’t really matter in the end. 

At the bottom of his own well, flipped down there like a coin to make a wish. Only one thing came to his mind, after all that self hated, self pity, after all of that struggling to, that almost usless struggling to save everyone. At the end of it all, he saw Hide, remembered meeting the other in the sewers and it broke the final remaining part of his forever shattering heart. He’d failed the other, but it didn’t matter now, he’d rise again and again, no matter how many times it took. 

He would eventually reach Hide again, even if it took a life time.


	219. Chapter 219

The way Hide clung to him was intoxicating, it just made Kaneki want to sink into the other more, fingers digging into his thigh. And he watched the way that Hide’s ribs poked out as the other arched their back, head thrown back and neck exposed. Kaneki mouthed at Hide’s pulse, tongue swiping across the other’s throat as he held Hide close to him, arms wrapped tightly around the other’s waist. 

Hide’s heels were dug hard into Kaneki’s backside, holding him close to the other. And Kaneki wouldn’t have let go if he could have, always yearning to be as close to the other as possible. Sinking down against the other’s skin like slipping under sea.


	220. Chapter 220

The hand that was gently pressed against his side, could feel the other’s fingers upon his ribs, it was a touch that was more intimate than any touch he’d ever had. Somehow, everything with Hide had turned intimate or at least it felt like that. That smile, that smile that Hide had always smiled was now making his heart race, simple small things made him feel all warm inside.

“Ken, you’re blushing,” Hide murmured, looking down slightly at Kaneki, eyes as soft and warm as honey.

“Are you holding me Hide?” Kaneki said, deflecting as he leaned more forward into the other.

“Maybe,” Hide said, smiling a little more sharply.

“I swear to god if you laugh, Hide, I will smash you in the face with the kettle,” Kaneki threatened through soft and gentle lips, smiling gently.

“Ah well, maybe that’s inevitable then,” Hide giggled dipping head down a little to press his lips to Kaneki’s.


	221. Chapter 221

It was cold and whenever Kaneki said that he was cold Hide always had one reply: that they should cuddle under a blanket in order to save money on heating bills. To that Kaneki always had the same reply, he’d simply flipped the other off and put on a jumper. This time though Kaneki was feeling kinda lonely and cold. 

With the blankets wrapped around his shoulders, Kaneki dropped onto the couch and slumped against Hide. Head on the other’s shoulder, pressing his face against Hide’s neck. 

“Finally taking me up on that offer eh?” Hide said, smirking a little as he spoke. 

“Maybe,” Kaneki mumbled, shifting up against Hide, letting the other’s heat seep into him.


	222. Chapter 222

Bandages around what was left of him, Hide sat there staring at the ceiling and listening to the heart beat monitor ping. At first the noise was irritating but it slowly faded into the background the longer he stayed there, his throat was dry but he didn’t care enough to call the nurse or whoever for water.

Something moved beside him, something was in the chair to the right of his bed that he hadn’t noticed the entire time he’d been awake. Turning his head to the side he found Kaneki sitting there, rubbing those sore eyes. The sight had something caught in Hide’s throat, something like overwhelming happiness and a crippling kind of sadness, he was surprised to feel tears rolling down his face as his vision blurred.

Kaneki looked up at him and smiled softly, white and straw like hair framing that gentle face, lips wavering as the other too began to tear up. And Hide could only feel his heart swell at the sight, he could hardly breathe and the monitor said as much.

“I’m sorry it’s not quite home,” Hide said, voice wavering as he spoke.

“It took me a while to realise, but I think my home’s wherever you are,” Kaneki said softly, pulling at the fabric over his knee as he only kind of looked at Hide.

Hide was speechless for a moment, completely blown away by that statement, before a wide smile tore across his mouth. It had been a while since he’d smiled so wide and sincerely, it made his heart ache.

“I think so too.”


	223. Chapter 223

Kaneki was breathing hard into Hide’s mouth, panting short breaths, chest stuttering as he failed to catch his breath. Sat in the other’s lap, the broken rhythm of his hips stole the air in his lungs. 

Hands around his waists, fingers gently gripping his ribs, Kaneki couldn’t handle the way that Hide held him. Soft at first and then an intensity would build, heat running like wild fire over his skin at every new touch.

Shaking from the intensity of their intimacy, Kaneki cupped Hide’s face in his palms, tipping back the other’s chin so that he could try to kiss Hide again.


	224. Chapter 224

Sometimes it felt as though Hide was trapped in his dreams, Kaneki had a way of blaming himself for every single thing that went wrong around him, no matter how disconnected from the situation he was. There was something respectable about the way he took responsibility for himself, but there were only so many straws that a camel could carry before its knees buckled under the weight.

He supposed that was why he saw Hide constantly in his dreams, the other had always been there when he’d needed them and even then it was no different. Hide called out in the twilight, called out behind Kaneki’s closed eyelids asking for a share of the load that he carried. Hide had been practically the only one capable of alleviating the tension around his heart, the constant support of that easy smile.

“Is your name Atlas?” Dream Hide had asked, standing on the cliff’s edge as the wind whipped around them.

“No,” Kaneki said, scrunching his face up in confusion.

“Then the world’s not yours to carry,” Hide replied, looking out across the viscous sea, “you don’t own the world and by extension not everything that happens in it is your fault, don’t you think it’s kind of selfish to take responsibility for the actions of others?”

Hide had always had that kind of sly intellect, something not intentionally hidden but not apparent on the surface, Hide used it sparingly and it shot out with such a sharpness sometimes that it’d startled Kaneki. It seemed that his dreamed Hide was an accurate rendition of the real thing, he prided himself on knowing the other so well.

“You’ve got a point, but I’m not going to change overnight,” he replied, watching the way Hide’s jacket flapped behind the other like a cape.

“Hardly anything does,” Hide stated, words spoken like the weight of a pebble dropping through the water.


	225. Chapter 225

It was late, really late, Kaneki could hardly believe that he was still awake. The heat the came off of Hide’s skin kept his eyes open though, slowly sinking against the other in the darkness. Skin gently pressed together as they kissed softly, lips pushing and pulling away in an easy rhythm. 

The motion was hypnotic, he couldn’t pull away and he certainly didn’t want to. Fingers in his waist, pulling him closer as though that was even possible. Maybe they could fuse together in the night, become one in that inky blackness. The boundaries of their bodies didn’t matter, it was just pleasant to be together like that. The rest of the world didn’t matter, the whole universe didn’t matter, nothing mattered as long as they were together, well at least for that night.


	226. Chapter 226

Skin as beautiful and more impenetrable than marble, Hide ran his hand down Kaneki’s back, feeling the strong muscles there move and shift under the skin. Cold to the touch like the marble Hide compared it to frequently, he’d become so taken by it.

The other hand in Kaneki’s now straw like hair, straighter than it had ever been and whiter than the fallen snow. Hide liked the texture in his hand, thick and coarse, nothing like the other’s lips. Kaneki kissed liked a hungry wolf, lapping at his mouth and holding him fast, body flush against his own.

“I’d never be afraid of you Ken,” Hide murmured, lips still barely touching the other’s skin, a graze of a touch. He could feel the shake of Kaneki’s knees, little whimpers spilling out of the other’s mouth. “Is it good to be home?”


	227. Chapter 227

Always running, Hide was tired of chasing Kaneki’s self-loathing and self-hatred, trying to catch up with it before everything came crashing down around them. Sometimes Kaneki was toxic toward himself, vileness and viciousness pointed inward and Hide just wanted to reach past all of that with a warm hand. Wanted to slide in and wrap himself around Kaneki, make the other feel safe and loved.

The battle was hard and Hide fought everyday to make the other believe him, to show Kaneki that he really did love the other. Grandiosity wasn’t the way, wild romantic displays really weren’t the way. 

Hide showed his love by being there everyday, by being the one there at the end of the day that Kaneki could rely on. Always waiting with a coffee and smile for the other to return to him and maybe Kaneki would eventually figure out that Hide wasn’t going anywhere, at least he could hope.


	228. Chapter 228

There was something to be said about the way that Hide’s knees shook when Kaneki ran fingers along his sides, chest contracting as he tried to keep the giggles from stuttering out of his mouth. The way he shivered when Kaneki breathed against his neck, stammering sweet nothings into his ear. Gentle kisses along his jaw line always left him short of breath, hands trembling as Hide reached out for the other. Fingers sliding through thick sleek black locks as Kaneki’s mouth moved over his heart, the other’s thumbs digging into his abdomen.

“Ken, you make me weak at the knees,” Hide murmured, laughter always dancing on the edge of his voice.

“Don’t tease me,” Kaneki said flatly, eyes dark and heavy as he looked up at the other from under his lashes. And the sight made heat roll over his body in one strong wave, making him shudder as it ran down his spine.


	229. Chapter 229

Covered in darkness, it seemed to always be that way, the closer he got to the end of it all the darker it got. Kaneki tried to think of bright things, the things that brought light into his life. The first and brightest thing that came to mind was Hide, his first friend, the only person that would accept him no matter what.

Back in the sewer, back when Kaneki was crazed, so far out of his mind that he couldn’t tell the difference between fiction and fact, and crawling through the wet inky darkness on his hands and knees. Hide had come or had been waiting, Kaneki had never really built up the nerve to ask, and the other had welcomed him with open arms.

He figured that he would want to go like that, with Hide waiting for him or in Hide’s arms, he knew it was selfish but it was just a death fantasy and nothing more. He’d made his mind up though and he wanted to die with the sun on his face.


	230. Chapter 230

Fingers easy through his hair and sliding down his arm, it was odd to think that they were together now, but it was a reality that sat before Kaneki. Lips grazing against his own, their kisses were feather light and Hide kept laughing lightly between the gentle touches. It was all soft and warm as Hide sat in his lap, legs wrapped around Kaneki’s waist. He could have easily fallen asleep like that, mouth pressed to Hide’s warm lips. 

“Is your head in the clouds Ken?” Hide smiled, lips curving playfully. 

“Huh? Yeah?” Kaneki murmured, smiling sleepily. 

“I guess I’m just that good then,” Hide laughed.

“As if,” Kaneki snickered back, straining his neck up to reach and recapture Hide’s lips.


	231. Chapter 231

Slumped against him, the air smelt like alcohol and Kaneki turned away every time Hide spoke to him. 

“Hey Ken, did you know you’re my best friend?” Hide slurred, voice and breath warm against Kaneki’s cheek. 

“Yeah, I know, you’re my best friend too,” Kaneki said, trying to get the other to walk just a little bit faster. 

“Well, I mean that’s obvious though,” Hide said, like Kaneki’s words didn’t matter. 

“How so,” Kaneki said, brows furrowed. 

“I’m your only friend,” Hide said as though it were a fact and Kaneki couldn’t find the words to deny it, it was the truth though. “It’s not a bad thing though really, I kind of like being the one,” Hide smiled broadly like he was proud of that fact, Kaneki found that incredibly embarrassing in a really endearing way. 

“As though you’re really popular,” Kaneki sniped in good nature, “are you saving yourself for me?” 

“Maybe,” Hide said lowly before bursting into laughter and Kaneki couldn’t help but join in.


	232. Chapter 232

“I’m coming over and you can’t stop me,” Hide said, almost yelling through the phone.

“Good luck getting through the lock,” Kaneki threw back, he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t just hung up already. He’d been very clear that he didn’t want any visitors that day, but he really shouldn’t have been so surprised considering that Hide always seemed to barge in. And he knew that wasn’t really called for, but he so desperately wanted to be alone that day that the other’s consideration felt irritating then.

“Oh, I’m not even going to try and pick the lock Ken, I’ll charm my way in,” Hide said confidently and Kaneki began to wonder if Hide was trying to annoy him.

Kaneki stared at his phone for a good moment, dumbstruck, before he replied.

“You’re unbelievable,” he said with a sort of irritated wonder and Hide laughed a little at that, the swine.

The knock came just as Kaneki knew it would and he rolled over on the couch to watch the way that the other’s shadow was cast under the door, he said nothing but didn’t close his eyes again.

“Oi Ken!” Hide yelled and Kaneki again said nothing. “So you’re just going to ignore me then? That’s fine, I’ll just talk at you for a while then,” he announced, shifting on his feet. “I know you want to be alone, but I don’t think that’s what you need. I think you need someone to lean on every once in a while, I think you need someone that will take your mind off of all the things that make you want to be alone. And Ken, I really think I could be that for you, I want to be that for you,” Hide sighed, ran his hand through his hair. “So lean on me Ken.”

“If you say ‘when you’re not strong’ I am slamming this door on your face,” Kaneki said, standing in the open doorway and Hide was much closer than he’d expected, hands on the doorframe. Their faces were so close together that the recognition alone made Kaneki a little embarrassed.

“I swear,” Hide said, smiling as he crossed his heart. Then he surged forward, taking Kaneki off guard as he hugged the other, it was more like a tackle though as the force of it pushed them through into Kaneki’s apartment. “I’ll always be here Ken, don’t forget it,” Hide said, laughter in his voice.

“How could I?” Kaneki returned, wrapping his arms around the other.


	233. Chapter 233

Sometimes it felt like Hide was looking down on him, sunflower hair framing the other’s face like a halo and Kaneki often thought that he might be being judged. That was never the case though, Hide shone no matter what, it was just the way that the other was. Light and warmth beamed out from him in all directions and bathed Kaneki in the glow, Hide was radiant in a way that few were.

Kaneki on the other hand felt like the absence of light, like he was cast in shadows made of complete darkness. He only found light when Hide chose to shine it down upon him, it was an odd sensation having the shadows cast behind him but he loved it all the same.

Hide’s kiss felt like burning desire, moved like a dry wind through him blowing the inky darkness away. Hands that kind of warm that pulled you in, Kaneki always found himself leaning into that touch, pulled down and anchored by the other’s embrace. Besides Hide was the most comforting place, although he knew it was selfish to stay there Kaneki just couldn’t find the strength within himself to leave.


	234. Chapter 234

The bitter winter air was biting and Hide just wanted to hide his face in his jumper, being outside in the ankle deep snow at six in the morning was really one of the things he’d rather not be doing. Then again it was for Kaneki and he wanted to bring the other luck and joy in the new year, he had to start it off well.

Knocking on Kaneki’s door, he kicked the snow of his boots and onto the doormat, he could hardly feel his feet. 

“Hey,” Kaneki said lazily as he opened the door, obviously tired.

“It’s weird isn’t it?” Hide smiled.

“I thought it was like 2am, it’s so dark,” Kaneki mumbled pulling on his snow boots.

“Eh, but it’s tradition so it can’t be helped,” Hide said, honestly just seeing Kaneki revitalized him. Wide awake at the sight of the other’s face.

“Let’s go,” Kaneki said, smiling lopsided. 

On the steps to the shrine, Kaneki slipped and gripped onto Hide’s arm. Thankfully his feet held and no one’s head was split open, they giggled as the adrenaline ran through them like a shot of vodka, Kaneki’s arm stay looped around Hide’s elbow and neither of them mentioned it.

“What are you going to wish for?” Hide asked.

“That’s a secret,” Kaneki replied smiling softly up at Hide, it was enough to stop Hide’s heart.

“Ah, then I’ll wish for your wish to come true,” Hide said as though he didn’t know that his blinding smile released hordes in butterflies into Kaneki’s stomach.


	235. Chapter 235

Crisp white shirt open, revealing his torso. Clean white boxers clinging gentle to his hips, thighs spread slightly. White sports socks with the red and blue lines around the top, toes pressed against the shiny and slippery wooden floor boards. Hide’s fingers tangled and pulled at Kaneki’s stark white hair, mouth wide open with the other deep inside. Kaneki kept swallowing around Hide, he couldn’t get enough of the pre-cum sliding down his throat, he wanted to devour the other. Hide’s thighs trembled beneath his fingers, blunt nails scraping over his scalp and Kaneki couldn’t help but moan at that. The other’s legs began to shake more strongly, Kaneki dragged his teeth along Hide’s length. Hide came, hard and fast, shooting to the back of his throat fingers kneading the other’s flesh. Sighing as he swallowed, Kaneki was sure that this was pure bliss.


	236. Chapter 236

Fingers sliding into Kaneki’s straw like hair, breathing the same air, Hide begged his heart to quit wavering. Honestly he couldn’t peel his soul away from the ceiling, couldn’t make his feet touch the ground. That was until Kaneki leaned forward and kisses, fully and deeply, most of all though desperately. 

Blunt finger nails digging into his shoulder blades and the side of his body, dragging him toward the other, pulling him in. And Hide let the other completely wrap around him, envelope him, like a cloak of warm darkness. A clammy night and Hide let himself sink fully into it.


	237. Chapter 237

Reaching out his hand toward the end of the bed above his head, fingers curling as he did so. Back arching off the mattress, ribs straining to reach the sky through his skin. Hide sighed at the sound of his joints popping and relaxed back down against the sheets, it was something of a morning ritual for him. 

Looking over at Kaneki’s face, it was clear that this was the first time that the other was privy to this morning ritual. Pink in the face and lips slightly apart as Kaneki panted between them, Hide could practically see the other’s heart pounding. 

“Good morning Ken,” Hide said sweetly, almost sickly sweet, smiling lopsided with his head titled to the side. Hand pressed against Kaneki’s cheek, rubbing his thumb over the other’s skin. 

“It is, isn’t?” Kaneki murmured, eyes hazy and smiling dreamily. Hide was overwhelmed by the pride he felt from being able to be the one that puts that expression on the other’s face.

“It really is.”


	238. Chapter 238

Tongue flat against the back of Hide’s neck, it was still hard to believe that the other trusted him so. Trusted Kaneki enough to let him hold Hide’s naked flesh, gave him control over these matters. The thought made him shiver, it was both heartwarming and terrifying in the same turn, knowing what he could do and how Hide trusted him not to do it. 

He never would, never could, his heart was something fragile and craved awfully from glass and it’d shatter if he even dared to think about it a third time. 

Hand pressed hard against the small of Hide’s back, fingers sliding into the other’s mouth as Hide panted and keening around them. Kaneki wanted consume it all, wanted to absorb everything about the other because it was stunning the way that Hide yearned for him so earnestly. It shook him to the core, overwhelmed him so and he let those feelings overflow.


	239. Chapter 239

How selfish and how pathetic, really Kaneki thought that he couldn’t get any lower. People had begged him in varying degrees not to do what he had done, people had told him that his efforts were futile, people had called him a fool for throwing his life away so easily over something that did not call for his intervention.

Back then though, Kaneki had been so full of righteousness that he was completely blind to his own piousness. He’d certainly not been dealing out any actual justice, he’d protected no one, he’d ultimately done nothing worth and at worst had destroyed the lives of some truly good people.

Everyone had been right, but this had been something he’d had to have learned by himself. Only when he could look in the mirror and truly see himself in the light of honesty could he face what he had done, there wasn’t a single person that brought the light shining down upon him.

Although, deep down in the sewer, where Kaneki had run away to, where Kaneki had begged for death, where Kaneki had begged for salvation, where Kaneki had just wanted to run away and never stop. Down in the darkness that had seemed to consume him, it twisted and turned like smoke into his ear, it clicked and shifted inside there like something he’d rather forget but never would.

There in his complete and total insanity, something akin to sunlight burst through the darkness like a spear in his eye.

“Yo, Kaneki.”

Remembering that voice that called out in the twilight felt like every truth he’d ever denied had come crashing down on him all at once, it shook him to the very core.

If there was something he’d learnt from the interaction from the easy way that Hide had smiled at him and said those words.

“I already knew, man! Who cares about that, let’s just go home already.”

There had always been someone that believed in him, that had truly accepted him from the very start and Kaneki had been totally blind to that, so fully was he wrapped in his own problems.

Now though, now he let those words sink in, sink deep into his chest.

“Yeah, let’s go home,” Kaneki murmured, running his fingers across the other’s name that was engraved into the plaque.


	240. Chapter 240

There were bandages and band-aids all over Hide’s face, it looked like it hurt a lot. Kaneki chewed on the inside of his mouth as he stared at the other, brows upturned as he wondered what happened. 

“Are you gonna tell me what happened or…” Kaneki said, tilting his head as he spoke firmly to the other. 

“Maybe, maybe not,” Hide shrugged smiling like always.

“Your constant and perpetual positivity is often irritating,” Kaneki said flatly as he sucking on the straw of his juice box. 

“Sorry,” Hide said, still smiling though. He wouldn’t ever tell the other that he’d gotten into a fight over something someone had said about Kaneki, really it was kind of embarrassing.


	241. Chapter 241

_I love you as you are, as you really are and not as you pretend to be._

Hide wanted to say those words for as long as he knew that he had feelings for Kaneki, but there was never a time he’d that he thought the other would accept his feelings whilst also accepting his statement. 

During the time they were together, Hide waited patiently for Kaneki to realise that he wasn’t going anywhere no matter how terrifying Kaneki thought he appeared. Nothing Kaneki could ever do would even remotely scare Hide, he wouldn’t be so easily shaken in his resolve. 

“I’ll always be here Ken,” Hide said after Kaneki had muttered something about being alone, “you’ll never be able to get rid of me,” he smiled as bright as possible. 

“Everything eventually ends Hide, you can’t speak with such conviction when you don’t know,” Kaneki replied, not even bothering to look up at Hide. 

 “Ken,” Hide urged and after a beat the other looked up at him finally, “I know.”


	242. Chapter 242

There was something in the corner of the room, something skittering around in the back of his mind, honestly Kaneki knew he was gone. So far gone and the delusions were beginning to bleed into reality, heck he wasn’t even in a room. Hands clawing the floor, clawing his face, it was dark and bits of himself were falling into the water around his knees. 

And darkness, complete and total, utter and sheer, darkness. 

Then blinding sunlight, yellow burst in his eyes, hand reaching out in front of him. Easily grasping that soft yellow hair, warmth rose from the scalp that his nails scrapped along. 

“Where are we?” Kaneki murmured, pulling Hide as close toward him as possible, fingers dragging down the other’s clothes. 

“Home,” Hide replied and it was like wild fire rolling over Kaneki’s flesh, every inch of his skin set aflame.


	243. Chapter 243

Thigh muscles twitching and Kaneki’s fingers dug hard into the inside of Hide’s thighs, coolness of the porcelain sink seeped into his backside. Toe curled with Kaneki’s kagune wrapped around his ankles, it was as though the other was trying to split him in half, right down the middle. Kaneki was relentless, stark white hair sticking to the other’s forehead and Hide groaned at the sight. Shivering as Kaneki took to nipping gently at his abdomen, another tendril of the other’s kagune trailed its way up his body. Flicking at and tickling Hide’s mouth, he let it in easily allowing himself to be consumed by Kaneki’s touch. He only wished that he could break the other’s skin with his nails, dragging them as he did down Kaneki’s arms. Shuddering as he moaned around the other and yet another tendril wrapped his leaking erection, Hide closed his eyes as pure bliss tore through him.


	244. Chapter 244

Hand over Kaneki’s heart, it felt more like there was a bird erratically thrumming around in there, bashing itself against the other’s chest, than it did a beating organ full of blood. Hide smiled down at Kaneki, reassuring and gentle, fingers carding easily through the other’s straight black hair. It was fine to open like this, bare for each other to see. Hide wanted to show Kaneki everything, every sordid inch of himself, just to let the other know that it was okay. 

Hide would never shy away from any part of Kaneki, honestly didn’t think himself capable and even if he was he surely didn’t want to move even a millimeter from the other. 

He watched Kaneki breathe, the shallow and stuttered rise and fall of the other’s chest, and continued to smile as he brought his mouth closer to Kaneki’s skin. 

“It’s okay to be afraid Ken,” he murmured staring straight into Kaneki’s wide and wild eyes, “I always am,” and at that Kaneki’s lips twitched.


	245. Chapter 245

How many pieces of himself had been torn off and completely separated, Kaneki wasn’t sure but it was definitely more than he cared to count. Two was more than most cared to count and Kaneki preferred to be utterly in the dark about himself, do shadows exist in total darkness? He could have stayed that way if none of this had ever happened, he could have happily denied everything that he was if he’d been spared this dreadful fate. Fate had never been known for her kindness and he knew he’d been a fool to believe that he could go on like that for forever.

He’d tried to continue to deny, consumed by entirely new kind of horror, maybe he was fated to experience every kind of horror that could ever be known. He’d devoured so much pain that he could hardly determine it from any other kind of feeling, but his heart still knew fondness. A sickly selfish kind of fondness, but still he felt it. Felt it when he looked at Hinami, taught her words she’d never read and stood firm to protect her. Felt it when he cradled Touka in his arms, a desperate need to save anyone who’d shown him the slightest calmness. Felt it when Tsukiyama had begged him to please not go and many more times but never none such more than down in the sewer.

If Kaneki was intimate with the darkness, cloaked in blackness like ink running down his body, then Hide was born of pure light, glowed wherever he stood. It was like Hide bleached his skin with those words, those kinds of words fell from Hide’s mouth with such an ease it was as though the sun was beating down upon him. Like he was ascending, sunlight hit the him and the shadows revealed their true nature, Hide smiled and that was as much as Kaneki cared to remember. He could never face the honest truth with all the grace that Hide had.


	246. Chapter 246

Hand on the back of Hide’s nape, the other was unable to move away from Kaneki’s lips. Straw like white hair scratching Hide’s face, the other tasted so good that he just couldn’t pull away, greedily yearned for more. 

Hide’s fingers were tangled in the front of Kaneki’s shirt, the other sighed longingly into the kiss. He figured that the other had waited long enough for this, running tongue along the seam of Hide’s lips. Diving inside to get a better taste.


	247. Chapter 247

The colours of the sky were bleak and faded, flocks of birds circled the up there, completely free from clouds. The grass was sharp and dry, stabbing into every stretch of exposed skin, Kaneki had never really been the kind to care much about slight discomforts. Sighing as he watched the sunlight streak through the sky.

Despite the time of year he was really quite warm with Hide pressed close to his side, face pressed into his neck and he could feel the other breathing. He found it all quite calming, the steady rhythm of Hide’s breathing, the slow and shallow rise and fall of the other’s chest, the hand on his abdomen spread an almost searing heat through his body.

The feeling of Hide’s fluttering eyelashes tickled Kaneki’s skin, made him twitch, but he didn’t want to move an inch. He knew he was so utterly selfish for thinking it, but he wanted to cling to Hide’s warmth for the rest time, until everything crumbled and disappeared.


	248. Chapter 248

The thought of making friends had always made Kaneki anxious, really anxious and honestly he’d rather just not do the whole thing, just live the rest of his life alone. There were plenty of people that already did that, he’d be fine. 

When he’d finally had a friend though, a real friend, someone he could rely on and someone that would rely on him, he’d changed his mind. 

He wouldn’t trade Hide for the world, would have done absolutely anything for the other, all Hide had to do was ask and it would be done. Sometimes Kaneki felt like it might be the same for the other, the way people had stopped bullying him shortly after they’d become friends did not go unnoticed by him. 

When he was in Hide’s company it was like nothing mattered, there was nothing that could bring him down as long as that smile was near. There was nothing he couldn’t do and he wanted to make Hide feel that way too, wanted to make the other as comfortable in his presence as he was in the other’s. 

“Let’s go home Ken,” Hide mumbled, “I’m done,” he said frowning at the arcade machine. 

“Sure,” Kaneki shrugged, sipping at his bubble tea, honestly he’d go anywhere if it was Hide who asked him.


	249. Chapter 249

Hide had said something between takes that had Kaneki really worked up, frowning deeply as the make-up artist fixed up his face. She scolded him and he apologised meekly, smiling easily for her. The other’s comment still irritated him though, hackles raised as he tried to refocus on the scene they were shooting.

It echoed through his mind and he almost garbled his lines, he was too professional for this. He could see the smirk pushing at the corners of Hide’s mouth as the other ran through lines, it really was irritating as hell and Kaneki couldn’t help but boil over from Hide’s words. 

“No amount of make-up can hide the blush I give you.” 

And damn it the other was right, Kaneki could see it clear as day on the playback, he groaned and punched Hide in the shoulder as hard as he could.


	250. Chapter 250

Toes curling in his shoes, palm flat against the wall and the cold of it was seeping into skin, worming its way up the marrow of his bones. Fingers gentle through his hair, a warm touch that Kaneki couldn’t help but to let into. 

Hide’s mouth was hot and wet against his own, the other’s hand came around the back of his head, acting like a barrier between his head and the wall. Cradled in place, Kaneki whimpered a broken noise that was swallowed down Hide’s throat.

His arms bent over Hide’s shoulder, wrists locked behind the other’s neck. And Kaneki felt like he was sinking into Hide, the pair of them melting from the burning desire. 

“I had no idea,” Kaneki murmured, eyes still closed. 

“Now you do,” Hide said, smile pressed to Kaneki’s lips. 

“Yeah, I do,” Kaneki returned, dreamily as leaned forward to recapture Hide, washing over the other like refreshing waves.


	251. Chapter 251

Hide’s skin was dry and broken from the abrasive touch of the sun, Kaneki pursed his lips at the sight of it peeling along the other’s arms. Taking Hide by the wrist, he dragged the other to the bathroom.

“What’s this?” Hide asked, voice like chimes, light and always dancing close to amused. 

“You need to look after your health,” Kaneki muttered, rummaging through the cupboard, pulling out the moisturiser with a little too much force. 

“Look who’s talking,” Hide smirked as Kaneki spun back around to him, pushed him backward until his legs hit the toilet and he had to sit upon it. “At least the seat was down,” he murmured, allowing Kaneki to roll up the legs of his pants.

“How do you get like this?” Kaneki asked with disbelief, pouring out some of the lotion onto his hands. 

“It’s called the sun Ken, I think it misses you,” Hide said, earning himself a sharp glare. The moisturiser was cool against his skin and he shuddered, Kaneki’s touch was firm and the other moved with a kind of determination that was really quite endearing. “Vitamin D deficiency is really no joke,” Hide said, mock serious and that got him a pinch on his calf, making him yelp. 

“I get enough sunlight,” Kaneki muttered, turning his attention to Hide’s arms and leaving the statement unfinished.

_I get enough sunlight just from looking at you._


	252. Chapter 252

Rubbing his temple, Hide pushed his headphones down onto his shoulders, around his neck. He couldn’t do it anymore, text was swirling around behind his eyelids and everything had lost its meaning to the pounding of his head. It was probably for the best that he give it a rest for the night, it seemed that even the clock agreed showing him that it was almost 1 am. 

Looking over to Kaneki, the boy looked comfortable reading and taking notes. The other was a knowledge sponge and Hide loved and hated that at the same time, it was a talent he was envious of. He sighed, watching Kaneki flick through page after page, it soothed his head better than painkillers would have. Maybe he just needed to relax and stop worrying about the exam at the end of the week, or maybe worry about it less. 

Watching Kaneki do what brought a smile to that pure smooth face, it untied all the knots in Hide’s body. He slumped against the table, head rested on his folded arms watching the tiny twitch of the corners of Kaneki’s mouth. After a moment or two, Hide found that he was smiling himself, watching the other be happy set it off within himself. 

“You really are at home somewhere else aren’t you?” Hide said dreamily.

“Huh?” Kaneki murmured, finally looking up from the text book. That phantom of a smile still on his face. 

“It’s nice to finally see you at home,” Hide smiled, blindingly and watched the way Kaneki’s cheeks were dusted with that gentle pink with a steady kind of delight in his heart.


	253. Chapter 253

As they moved through the apartment, limb locked as well as lip locked, books scattered around their feet. Spines breaking under the sole of Hide’s foot, Kaneki appear to notice at the time but he was sure there would be hell to pay later, it could certainly wait for later. 

Kicking the bedroom door open, hearing it crack against the wall, he’d never known Kaneki to be so careless. The other’s attention really was focused on a place it usually wasn’t though, so the wild and erratic behaviour wasn’t a major surprise. 

Delicately trimmed finger nails against Hide’s scalp, he smirked as his head was pulled back so that Kaneki could kiss down the front of his throat. 

“You’re eager,” Hide smiled, feeling much the same way.

“I’m burning up like I’m touching the sun,” Kaneki muttered oddly, mouth sharp against Hide’s collarbone. 

“Kissing you’s like getting frostbite on my lips,” Hide returned, just as oddly poetic, moments before they crashed into the mattress.


	254. Chapter 254

Giggling from the way Hide’s fingers danced over the sole of his foot, pushing his leg back and spreading him wide. Kaneki’s other leg was bent over Hide’s shoulder, hips flush against the curve of his backside. 

And he was just so completely lost in the other’s wide smile, there was nothing between them, nothing in the way. That thought had Kaneki’s back arching off the mattress, hissing his satisfaction through blissfully gritted teeth. 

Fingers curling in the sheets beneath him as Hide’s hips rocked against him in slow drawn out motions, he felt like the sea was gently rolling beneath him. Pulling pleasure from his body, the soft fingers of a man that did a whole lot of thinking ran along his side. And Kaneki figured that could mean either of them, wrapped so tightly around each other and their own perspectives. 

Curling his toes behind Hide’s back as those fingers came to drag down his stomach, there was something to be savoured in the drawn out burning ache that was set alight within him by the other.


	255. Chapter 255

Everything was falling apart, tearing pieces of him with them as they went. It seemed that there was nothing, absolutely nothing, that he could keep a hold, even the broken pieces turned to ask in his palms. Fingers clawing, scratching for something that was so far out of reach that it was more like he was stretching his fingers out across the expanse of a canyon.

The last sliver he ever held between the pads of his fingers was something soft and bright, something so welcoming that Kaneki couldn’t help but to delve inside. Hands warm and smeared with the juices of life, something living had been against his skin.

Since then, since coming his grand denial and his even bolder awakening, Kaneki had been swallowing down that particular sickness. Ignoring that horror in favour of another, one that demanded his attention.

The other though, it kept on him quietly in the night, when he was as alone as humanly possible. The gentle caress of that particular horror would come creeping upon him, in his more honest moments he would hear it speak. He would hear that honest acceptance vibrate through his bones, Hide had always seen him as who he’d always been, as no one else had ever seen him. The sun burning so warm he could tangibly feel it upon his skin as he remembered the other’s smile.

“I’ll come home eventually, I promise,” Kaneki murmured into the darkness, eyes aching without his glasses.


	256. Chapter 256

Back flush against the wall and the shirt he’d only put on minutes ago was splayed out against his sides, Hide had absolutely no idea where the desperation came from but made a note to dress well the next time he wanted to drive Kaneki completely up the wall. 

Knees against the wood flooring, the sound rang out like wood cracking, fingers dragged down his front. Hide hissed from the touch, Kaneki’s deft fingers made easy work of his belt and trousers, freeing him from his underwear and he wasn’t even half hard. 

Kaneki’s white hair scratched at his stomach and he set his fingers through it, eyes filled with hunger and a dark intensity. They locked eyes the moment Kaneki chose to clasp his mouth around Hide, wasn’t long before he’d grown rock solid in the other’s mouth. 

Loud wet noises that made him groan, teeth grazing along the length of him, it was enough to have his eyes rolling back. Toes curling inside his hard shoes, Kaneki swallowed around him and he almost lost it. Head smacking back against the wall, hips stuttering into the other’s mouth, spilling hot down Kaneki’s throat. 

“So the suit and tie deal really does it for you huh?” Hide muttered, breathing heavy as his legs continued to tremble. 

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Kaneki smirked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.


	257. Chapter 257

Hide was pretty sure that coffee wasn’t a thing you gave someone with a cold, he’d said as much but the death glare that Kaneki had given him was something both chilling and endearing. Kaneki didn’t seem to appreciate the smile that beamed upon his face in response to the glare, but that was still endearing. 

“Ken, I’m not giving you coffee, you’re getting soup and tea,” Hide said sweetly, tilting his head, still smiling. 

Kaneki pulled the blankets over his head, the stubborn petulance was enough to make Hide laugh. Spinning on his and off to the kitchen before the other could react in anyway to his sudden out burst. 

He returned not long after, soup and tea in his arms, setting it on the bedside table. 

“I should let you rest,” Hide said, standing awkwardly, unsure of what to do with the mountain of medicine he’d left in a carrier bag on the kitchen counter. 

“No,” Kaneki said, pulling down the blankets, “it’s lonely without you,” he said, reaching out for the other. 

“Heh, Ken all you have to do is just ask and I’ll stay,” Hide said, sitting on the floor next to the bed, “I’m not going to run away the second I see the opportunity, you’re my best friend, dummy,” he said, flicked Kaneki between the eyes, the other flinched and coughed a little. 

“Would you stay, please?” Kaneki asked, needlessly.

“Of course,” Hide smiled softly.


	258. Chapter 258

#### "

The way that the sun touches your skin,  
pressed wide against your lips.  
When you’re smiling it’s hard to tell where the light’s coming from.

Roots showing thick and dark,  
your hair mirrors the sunflower,   
which mirrors the fragile state of my heart

#### "

 

– things that might remind me of home.


	259. Chapter 259

The quiver of Kaneki’s thighs, Hide delighted in it, swallowing around the other. Hide loved giving, was the kind that could get off from just watching someone else come apart. He watched Kaneki’s fingers shake as they hovered over the sheets, felt the other hand come down on his head, fingers twitching as they tangled in his hair. 

Tongue pressed flat to Kaneki’s pulse and the pressure shook through the other, Hide felt it from the way his hands were around Kaneki’s knees. Loud wet noises and the other’s gentle moans and soft whines, Hide found himself lost in the rhythm. 

Kaneki became an instrument underneath him, eager mouth and equally enthusiastic fingers upon the other’s skin produced such a sound from Kaneki. Boy so usually wound inside himself, voice so tepid and unsure, that boy was so vocal when under Hide’s influence. 

Hide conducted a quiet symphony of pleasure, throat burning from the taste of it.


	260. Chapter 260

Hide was always there for Kaneki, always ready to support Kaneki how ever he needed it. Hide was there when Kaneki just needed company, when that was all Kaneki needed. Hide never prodded, never poked, never even brought up what he’d known from the beginning. Hide kept Kaneki’s secret when it could have benefited him greatly to reveal it, Hide kept Kaneki’s secret as easily as breathing. Hide risked his life many times over just to help Kaneki, had thrown away everything just to support Kaneki. 

And It’s such a one sided relationship because Kaneki has absolutely no idea, couldn’t even conceive the idea that Hide would accept his secret, so much so that when Hide appears in front of him he believes that he’s hallucinating. 

Hide’s an unsung hero that doesn’t ask for recognition, doesn’t need it, doesn’t care if Kaneki ever knows what he was doing for the other.


	261. Chapter 261

_“I really was beat a lot by the people I love the most.”_

“I loved you the most Ken,” Hide said and suddenly the whole room, the whole space in his head, was full of light like the curtains had been suddenly drawn back. As though that voice had come to banish the shadows, it had always seemed to do as such. “I was always there, just a step behind,” Hide stepped out in the light and it was so bright that it cast around him making Kaneki unable to see anything other than a silhouette of the other. 

“I know that now and I’m thankful for it, I truly am,” Kaneki said and he was still cast in darkness, I am tepidly trying to know himself and his worth in a world that had been almost nothing but vile to him. 

“I just wish that I could have caught up sooner,” Hide said, regret on his tongue but that gentle smile was ever present, just as warm and reassuring as always. Even if Kaneki couldn’t see it, he could damn well hear it.

“Me too,” Kaneki said, sinking further in his own darkness, Hide had been one of the few that had never tried to pull him out of there, the other had just been there keeping him company. Together they made something of a dazzling twilight, burning blisters as that yellow turned orange and sank into deep dark black. 


	262. Chapter 262

“It’s hot,” Hide murmured, fanning himself with his hand, straw hat shielding his face. 

“We’re in the desert,” Kaneki grit out, jabbing the other with his elbow. Feeling the rocks, gravel and sound under his feet, it was kind of satisfying despite the irritating heat. 

“You don’t have to be so mean Ken,” Hide said, smiling at the other, hands in his pockets. Practically skipping around Kaneki, tank top fluttering around him. 

Kaneki poked his tongue out, taking a sip from the water bottle, keys around his finger clacking against the plastic. Rounding the car, he closed the cap of the bottle and unlocked the car, wincing at how quickly Hide yanked the door open.

Climbing into the car himself, Kaneki started the car up, glaring at Hide when the other set their bare feet on the dashboard, flipflops discarded on the floor. 

“Is there a problem?” Hide asked, smiling that blinding smile that made Kaneki wince. 

“Nothing at all,” Kaneki smiled back, that thin forced thing, pushing his glasses up his face with his fingertips before pulling back out onto the road.


	263. Chapter 263

Kaneki was dragging his feet, dirt and grass stuck to the toe of his shoe, rain pouring down around him. Flicking up the collar of his jacket made the cold rain water trickle down his back, making him shiver. 

Stilling a moment to get his bearings, he looked down across the field to the farm house, there was another field of sunflowers between this one and the farm house. At the sight of that, things writhed in his stomach, reminding him of the way that snakes mated. He wiped his glasses on the lining of his jacket, circle lenses smeared when he placed them back upon his face.

Walking through the sunflowers, having them touch him made him feel kind of sick, the plants waned and wilted in the heavy downfall. Kaneki felt like he was wading through them, wading through muck he’d rather not acknowledge, the stench of other people’s waste hung in the air. An odd and stilted reversal of something he’d rather forget but never would.

His gloves creaked as his hands curled around the fence, hoisting himself up and over in one swift motion. Mud licking up into the air as he pressed his feet to the ground, hand still on the fence holding himself steady. 

From this distance he could hear the rain patting against the house and the small barn to the left of it, rain seeming that it had the intent of washing the whole world dry. 

Just as he was about to step onto the porch the barn door swung open, drawing his eye with the motion. 

Kaneki chewed on the inside of his cheek, hesitating only a moment before striding toward barn. That slick twist of anticipation and fear thickly slid up his throat, that odd feeling that has you wanting run to forward and away at the same it. Sometimes it stops you, but it didn’t stop Kaneki, it just his tongue feel like a lead weight in his mouth.

“Hey Ken,” Hide called, waving lazily as he sat cross legged on the hey in the middle of the barn. 

The rest of the barn was empty, which left Kaneki with a feeling of unease. 

That easy sunshine smile beamed up at him in total contrast to the weather no more than a foot behind Kaneki, there was a part of him telling himself to be relieved, this was his best friend, someone that had always stood by him, shouldn’t he have been happy to see the other?

“Hi,” Kaneki breathed, unwilling to take a step forward.

Watching Hide rise, a fluid motion that made Kaneki frown, twitching his fingers and his gloves creaked again from the movement. He stayed completely still as the other approached him.

Hide was taller, still taller than Kaneki himself, posture as laid back as always and hair dyed with the roots showing. 

“Long time no see,” Hide said, laughing weakly, “I missed you Ken,” he added scratching the back of his neck as he spoke, smiling softly at Kaneki.

“Yeah,” Kaneki said, “me too,” he added after a moment. 

“Why don’t we stay here, together, hide out in the middle of nowhere for the rest of our lives, how does that sound?” Hide asked, hands in his pockets. 

“You know it can’t be like that,” Kaneki said, pursing his lips. 

“I know,” Hide said, manage to look resigned whilst still smiling. “It would have been nice though, to spend some time together,” he added, smile turning wistful. 

“Yeah, it would have,” Kaneki smiled weakly. “Let’s get this over with,” he said, allowing the black to take over his eye. 

“Sure, why not,” Hide said breezily, black over swallowing his right eye and Kaneki didn’t find it the least bit surprising.


	264. Chapter 264

Pushing back Kaneki’s white hair from the other’s forehead, Hide hissed as Kaneki’s hips rolled deep inside him. Heat rushing over and down his body as he watched the other bite their lip, almost smirking down at him. 

Legs wrapped around Kaneki’s waist, ankles locked at the small of the other’s back. Kaneki’s hair was too thick to tangle his fingers in, but that didn’t mean that he couldn’t pull on it. Blunt fingernails scraping against the other’s scalp, hips rocking in time with Kaneki, teeth baring every time the other thrust against him. 

Kaneki’s mouth found his skin, white as pearl teeth grazing upon him, the sensation made him shiver. Back arching, shoulders pressed hard against the mattress, toes curling at the sound of Kaneki groan, sound tearing from deep in the other’s throat. 

“Hide,” Kaneki called hoarsely, shuddering against Hide, making the other shiver.


	265. Chapter 265

Neon flashed against his skin, colours changed to the rhythm of the music and Kaneki couldn’t help but sway to the beat. Bass rushing through his body, he’d barely sipped the drink in his hand. Hands around his waist from behind, mouth against his ear, breath hot and sticky.

“Miss me?” Hide asked, Kaneki could feel the other’s lazy smile upon his skin, it was evident in Hide’s voice. 

Kaneki leaned his head back on the other’s shoulder, looked up at Hide’s face from the odd angle. Lights sparkling and twisting in the other’s eyes, he could taste alcohol he was yet to drink on Hide’s breath. 

“No,” Kaneki said, smirking, sharp white hair scratching at Hide’s neck as he ran his tongue along the other’s jawline. 

Hide shivered at the touch, smile curving more dramatically, hands sliding down Kaneki’s front as they let the music control their movements. 

“Somehow I don’t believe you,” Hide muttered, shifting his head so that he could capture Kaneki’s lips.


	266. Chapter 266

Hide would admit that he enjoyed the stark contrast of Kaneki’s white hair to those dark nails, the sharp and rough cut of the other’s body sometimes made his heart stutter, heat going south. That didn’t mean that he believed this change to be good, it was just something that had happened and they had to work through it together. It would be difficult and traumatic, an up hill struggle with occasional landslides. 

The door slammed, Hide poked his head into the hall to find Kaneki leaning against the door, fingers rubbing at his temples. 

“Hey Ken,” Hide called, approaching the other, smile as sunny as always. 

“Hi,” Kaneki smiled wearily, arms falling to his sides. 

“Long day huh?” Hide said, pushing Kaneki’s jacket off the other’s shoulders. 

“You could say that,” Kaneki said, shifting his shoulders and moving his arms to help ease off his jacket. 

“Hey, come with me,” Hide said, grabbing a hold of Kaneki’s wrist as he hung up the jacket. Dragging the other away down the hall, truth be told he physically couldn’t make Kaneki go anywhere, so really the other was just following him and in a way that was nice all by itself. 

In the bedroom, Hide motioned for Kaneki to get on the bed. Pushing the other onto their stomach, climbing atop the other and Kaneki didn’t make a sound. The other just lied there, sinking against the mattress, looking generally exhausted. 

Pushing Kaneki’s shirt up the other’s back, revealing skin pale and firm, warm against the press of Hide’s hands. 

“Relax Ken,” Hide murmured, breath brushing over Kaneki’s ear. Pressing the heel of his palm hard against the small of the other’s back, Kaneki groaned, sound muffled as he pressed his face into the mattress. “There we go,” he smiled with satisfaction, there was only so much he could do for Kaneki but would make sure that he was doing everything he could.


	267. Chapter 267

The sound of rushing water, Kaneki slid his toes beneath the water, watching the bathtub fill around him. Hide slipped into the other end of the bath, Kaneki moved to accommodate the other, bringing his knees up to his chest. It was oddly intimate and also kind of not, they were so far apart considering how close they were. It was irritating and Kaneki itched to close the distance, although he felt quite nervous and embarrassed about being needy. 

Watching Hide’s body twist as the other turned to shut off the water, muscles shifting beneath soft skin. Kaneki was suddenly overheated, pressing his cheek against his knee to hide the blush. 

“Ken?” Hide called, head tilted. 

“Hmm?” Kaneki hummed in replied. 

“Can I come up there with you, the taps are digging into my spine,” Hide smiled weakly and Kaneki had the sneaking suspicion that Hide wasn’t as uncomfortable as he had made out, but this time Kaneki didn’t call Hide up on it. 

“Sure,” Kaneki murmured. 

“Open your legs,” Hide said, shifting up onto his knees and Kaneki’s eyes caught on the way that the water ran down Hide’s skin. 

“What?” Kaneki stammered, eyes wide. 

“So we can cuddle,” Hide clarified, leaning over Kaneki. 

“Oh,” Kaneki said, slowly spreading his legs, making way for Hide to settle against his chest. Somehow this felt a little too intimate, but at least the other couldn’t see his face from this angle. After a short while, he felt kind of oddly at peace, like time had stopped around them. He sighed gently into Hide’s hair, lips pressed to the other’s scalp.


	268. Chapter 268

Lips pulled back in an awfully awkward kind of smile, something forced from the terrible pun that had fallen from Hide’s mouth. 

“You’re the worst,” Kaneki muttered around the rim of his coffee cup, sinking further down into the couch. 

“I think you mispronounced the best,” Hide threw back, still smiling widely, snickering to himself even. 

“I think you misunderstand the meaning of both,” Kaneki returned, reaching behind himself for the corner table, fingers grazing against the books that were stacked there searching for something to hide behind. Not wanting to have Hide catch him laughing. 

“I think you misunderstand the awesomeness of puns,” Hide said with such a conviction that Kaneki froze before falling into a fit of laughter. 

“Nah,” Kaneki said, struggling to place his coffee on the corner table, “you’re still the worst,” he smiled at the other, showing teeth in a much more natural way. 

“You mispronounced best again,” Hide said.


	269. Chapter 269

The netting over the window did nothing to hinder the sound of the wind and rain, rushing over the glass in sheets. The sky was dark and grey, ominous shades painted across its form. Thick heavy clouds hung low and Kaneki dragged his eyes from the window, turning his attention back to Hide. Blunt fingernails dragging down his side, mouth busy on his stomach but Kaneki could feel the smile pressed against his skin. Their eyes met for a moment and Hide pulled away slightly to flash that blinding smile up at him, Kaneki wondered if he’d stolen the sun from the sky and had kept it all for himself. He thought that even if that was true, he’d never give it back.


	270. Chapter 270

Kaneki was going green from the sight of it, the multiple loops and steep drops were making his stomach churn. Hide’s fingers were already around his wrist, pulling him toward the line, annoyingly he was tall enough, glaring at the measurement sign as they went past. 

“Come on, it’s not going to as bad as you’re making out,” Hide smiled as he dragged Kaneki to the end of the line, looking back to giggle at the other’s frown.

“If you say so,” Kaneki muttered, shifting his weight and ignoring all the screams from overhead. 

It wasn’t long before Kaneki had shuffled up to the front of the queue, Hide pulling him toward the seats and there was no turning back. Well there was, but he was just so captured by the other’s sunny smile that he couldn’t quite back down from the challenge in those eyes, he figured that would be his downfall. 

The bars locked into place with a loud and terrible noise, it made Kaneki jump in his seat, which in turn made Hide laugh. 

The start was unbearable, the rollercoaster slowly clicking up the up rail and shuddering to a stop when at the highest point. Kaneki hadn’t realised that he’d closed his eyes until Hide’s fingers were wrapped around his own, looking down at his hand Kaneki felt a little calmer. 

That was the moment the rollercoaster dropped, Kaneki’s stomach rose within him and dropped suddenly, he barely had any time at all the react to the loops. It was overwhelming really, the wind rushing past him and Hide laughing and whooping beside him. 

He wasn’t sure if it was the sight of Hide or the rush of air that had him blushing, but he was beginning to enjoy himself. And that was the moment the ride came to a stop, jumping off on shaky legs, Kaneki found a smile pressed to his face. 

“See, it wasn’t so bad was it?” Hide smirked, fingers still entwined with Kaneki’s as they walked through the exit. 

“I suppose,” Kaneki shrugged and Hide laugh at that, to Kaneki there were two bright and warm suns out that day.


	271. Chapter 271

Fingers feather light over Hide’s ribs, making his chest stutter as he giggled, lips pulled back over his teeth delicately. The air around his exposed body was cool and Kaneki’s touch was searing, running like a wild fire over his skin. 

“Ken, you’re such a tease,” Hide bit out smiling around the moan that bubbled up his throat as though gentle fingers ran over his erection. 

“Are you complaining?” Kaneki breathed, voice sweeping over the other’s ear, smirk evident in his tone. 

“Do I ever?” Hide sighed, writhing under Kaneki, feeling as though he were melting into the mattress. 

“All you ever do is smile at me,” Kaneki said, tongue pressed flat the pulse in Hide’s neck as took a hold of the other’s thigh and their leg around his waist.

“Are you complaining?” Hide threw back, rolling his body against the other’s, biting his lip as he stared up at Kaneki.

“No,” Kaneki said, sweeping down to kiss the smug look off of Hide’s face.


	272. Chapter 272

“Is this really it Ken?” Hide said, voice ringing out like a siren from the entrance to the roof, “are you just going to let it end here? After how you’ve come so far?” 

Kaneki spared glance, still on the defensive, expecting an attack from Arima in the blink of an eye, but it didn’t come. Instead, things dismantled and separated. 

“This isn’t dying in style you know?” Hide’s voice grew louder, pounding through the air. 

Kaneki blinked away the fractured memory, weren’t dreams something you used to unravel the day and not a place for him to be haunted? He dragged his hand down his face, listened to sound of Hide’s rhythmic and chiming laughter as the other stood over him. 

“Good morning Ken,” Hide smiled, closing his eyes as he tilted his head, “I’m pretty sure you can’t sleep yourself to death,” he added.

“You can’t,” Kaneki groaned, rising up on his elbow as he ran a hand through his tousled hair, “how do you always know what I’m dreaming about?” He asked, looking up at the other with a brow arched pointedly. 

“It’s my duty, I know you well enough by now to know your blood pressure at any given moment,” Hide said, turning away from Kaneki to open the curtains. 

The light cascaded around Hide’s form, soaking into the room and bled into the tips of the other’s bleached hair. Kaneki stayed motionless, made speechless as Hide turned back toward him, skin soft and welcoming as the other’s smile beamed at him.

“What?” Hide asked, smile turning crocked.

“You’re a dork,” Kaneki said, face splitting into a fierce smile that hurt his cheeks, he hardly noticed he was crying.


	273. Chapter 273

Lips quivering, Kaneki bit into them trying his best to stop their trembling, he couldn’t figure out why it was so hard just to look at Hide whilst the other was smiling. Wide, bright, blinding and unabashed, the sight overwhelmed him often and he found himself looking anywhere but at that smile. It was a shame really because he loved that sight, that unrestrained joy that burst from Hide, it was all consuming and easily left its mark upon Kaneki himself. 

“Hey Ken,” Hide called, fingertips against the other’s chin, tipping it back slightly, “don’t hide that face, I really like it,” he said, smiling down at Kaneki without a care in the world. 

Kaneki couldn’t begin to fumble his way toward a reply, he was caught simply blinking up at the other, blown away by thought that there was an expression he made that Hide liked as much as he liked Hide’s smile. 

“Then I won’t ever stop looking at you,” Kaneki said, finally finding his words.


	274. Chapter 274

They’re hands were rough, from the training they’d done separately, Kaneki’s white hair stood stark against the collar of his grey jumper. Eyes closed and fingers entwined rested on the seat of the train car, rattling away from the despair they’d spent so long dwelling in. Head rested on Hide’s shoulder, they ignored the spellbinding scenery that passed them by. 

“Ken,” Hide murmured, running his thumb over Kaneki’s knuckles, the other hummed in reply, “you’re free,” he said kind of giddily, laughter bubbling up in his throat. 

“We’re free,” Kaneki said, cracking an eye open to stare up at the other, jabbing Hide in the side. 

“You’re more important, you were the one in danger Ken,” Hide said, looking down at the other, breath sweeping down and across Kaneki’s face. 

“You’re important too,” Kaneki said looking bone tired as though he’s about to collapse, but still he managed to smile for Hide, “you’re the most important thing to me.”

It made Hide’s heart swell as he blinked away tears, really was there any possible way to feel more relieved than this?

“And you to me,” Hide replied smiling boundlessly.


	275. Chapter 275

Back arched upon the bed, forcing his shoulders and backside into the mattress, he blinked up at the pristine ceiling stretching his arms above him. Hide groaned at the popping, hissing as his body relaxed. He ran his hand down the other side of the mattress, the sheets were cool and the space beside him was empty. 

Sitting up, the sheets pooled around his hips before he pulled them away, still feeling anxious as the last dregs of sleep clung to him. He swung his legs out and off the edge of the bed, almost shivering against the chill of the morning air as it hit his exposed legs. Boxer shorts weren’t really the most appropriate for a November morning, but at least he was wearing a t-shirt that morning. 

He padded through the apartment, made his way to the lounge and found Kaneki there. The other was sat on the couch reading a book like always and for some reason Hide couldn’t sake the thought that Kaneki had never been so beautiful, he approached the other as though drawn by Kaneki’s magnetic field or gravitational pull. 

Pushing the book away as he climbed into Kaneki’s lap, ran his hand through the other’s hair as pressed his body to Kaneki’s. Kissed the other as gently as he could and held Kaneki’s face as though it were made of fragile porcelain. 

“I dreamt about you,” Hide murmured, lips grazing against Kaneki’s cheek. 

“You don’t need to dream, I’m right here,” Kaneki said, hands smoothing down the other’s back soothingly.


	276. Chapter 276

Kaneki jumped with a yelp as Hide’s cold fingertips brushed against the flesh of his thigh. The other hadn’t long been home and Kaneki had been in bed when Hide got back, he could feel the chill when the other slid into bed.

“Quit it,” Kaneki grumbled, batting away Hide’s hand as he moved farther up the bed. 

“But Ken,” Hide whined, wrapping his arms around the other, caging Kaneki against his body, “you’re warm,” he breathed, breath tickling the nape of Kaneki’s neck. 

“But you’re cold,” Kaneki hissed as he tried to wriggle out of the other’s hold. 

“Come on Ken, don’t be so cold,” Hide muttered, barely able to get out the words before he burst into laughter.

“You might need to remind me why I agreed to date you,” Kaneki said, rolling his eyes at the way Hide’s body shuddered against his own as the other continued to laugh. 

“Because I’m really adorable and you can’t resist my charm,” Hide said, lips pressed to the other’s neck so that Kaneki could feel his smile. 

“That must be it,” Kaneki snickered holding his hand to his mouth as his body shook. 

“See I bring so much joy into your life,” Hide said, smug. 

“Good night Hide,” Kaneki said warmly as he settled against the mattress and Hide’s body.


	277. Chapter 277

Fingers against his cheek and for the first time they were gentle, smooth skin turned gritty with the addition of sweat, this time Kaneki was eager to lean into Hide’s touch. Thumb grinding against his cheek bone, lips delicately molded to his own. 

He was ashamed at the way he flinched every time Hide went to touch him, every fiber of him should have known by know that there was nothing to fear from the other. Either Hide didn’t notice or didn’t care as the other pushed forward as though Kaneki weren’t shivering and clutching the sheets. 

Hands sliding from under his knee to the inside of his thigh, making him quiver. Hide’s body was pressed against his own, hips to hips, chest to chest and mouth to mouth. Heel pressed to the crease of Hide’s knee, toes curled to the other’s calf. 

“It’s okay to be scared Ken,” Hide murmured, lips tickling Kaneki’s own as he spoke, “instead of letting it consume you, let me consume you,” he breathed, pressing his lips to Kaneki’s again with force.


	278. Chapter 278

Hide’s hair was soft, tufts poking out this way and that, Kaneki ran his fingers through it as he curled his body around the other’s. Sweat clung to his forehead and mated his hair to his skin, made him feel hot and cold at the same time. 

Suddenly waking from a terrible nightmare that was dangerously close to the truth, adrenaline pounding through his body as though there were a siren ringing out in his head. 

Blinking at Hide’s sleeping face, his nerves fizzled out as a small smile spread across his face at the other’s gentle expression. Hide was like a sedative to him, lowering his heart rate with the other’s presence. 

“It’s alright Ken,” Hide murmured, lips moving against Kaneki’s throat, breath tickling the other’s skin. 

“I know,” Kaneki sighed, allowing his body relax as he sunk against the other.


	279. Chapter 279

The warm afternoon sunlight gently caressed Hide’s bare skin, Kaneki was laid on the floor beside the other, wood flooring cold against his heated skin. He watched the sweat dry on Hide’s skin, ran his fingers over the cloying wetness between the other’s thighs, smearing it into Hide’s skin. Kaneki pressed his face into the other’s shoulder, ran his nose over the freckles there. 

Opening his teeth, scraping his teeth over that tanned skin, placing a hand on Hide’s stomach, they were in such contrast but it was beautiful to Kaneki, the way Hide complimented him in every way possible. Pressing down hard upon Hide’s groin, just above the other’s flaccid cock, listening to Hide groan, it was a kind of hazy bliss. A fog of pleasure had settled around them. 

“Working up to round two?” Hide smirked, turning his head toward Kaneki. 

He didn’t reply, simply dug his nails into Hide’s inner thigh, making the other gasp and shudder. Tongue and teeth along Hide’s jawline, body pressed up against the other’s. 

Suddenly up and on his knees, pulling Hide around with his hands under the other’s knees, splaying Hide’s legs around him. The other giggled, head tipped back against the floor, heels digging into the small of Kaneki’s back drawing him forward. 

“Don’t call it a comeback,” Hide muttered, dragging his fingers down Kaneki’s arms.

“I swear to God Hide,” Kaneki hissed, crushing their mouths together just to get the other to shut up, smiling willfully into the kiss.


	280. Chapter 280

Kaneki had never really had a direction, had never had a destination or any real ambition. Hardly even a sense of self worth, that was until Hide bounded into his life. He almost didn’t believe it when the other had asked if they could be friends, couldn’t understand what value Hide would gain from that. 

Hide stayed though, the only real friend that Kaneki had ever had, the other had stayed by his side for years. And Kaneki felt wholly unworthy, undeserving of this unwavering loyalty. 

He constantly questioned himself, doubted himself as well as Hide, but when he was around the other those thoughts disappeared. All doubts evaporated, turned to condensation from the brightness of Hide’s smile. 

Hide wasn’t there though and dangerous thoughts festered in his mind, self loathing coiled around his heart with barbs as sharp as razor blades. He’d only found value in a broken refraction of himself, whatever split and distorted version of himself that Hide had seen. 

And that was his ambition, his final destination, to become the man that was worthy of the sacrifice Hide had made. He couldn’t think of anything better than selflessly throwing himself into oblivion, giving up everything.


	281. Chapter 281

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: gore & suicide.

Tracing his hand down his spine as bent over double in the bathtub, the ridges, bumps and valleys his skin moved over until he reached the small of his back. Face submerged in the water, luke warm and sterile as was the rest of the room. White on white on white and the floor was as cold as the rim of the bathtub, Kaneki pressed his palms flat to the expanse of skin where his kagune protruded from. 

It wasn’t that he remembered things slowly, he remembered all of it at once, he just simply didn’t want to confront the details of what he remembered. He’d explored most of it, everything up to the point where he could no longer face the reality of what he’d done. 

Confessing his true feelings, positive and negative, felt akin to confessing his sins. 

He wanted to live his life with Hide at his side and in a morbid way he supposed he was, It wasn’t easy to remember in full the time when you ate your best friend, it was a unique experience to say the least, not many people could honestly say that they’d done that. 

The sound and the smell, Hide didn’t say much and Kaneki’s decent into madness clouded his judgment, he supposed Hide had used that to his advantage. 

He’d long grown insensitive to horrors of the body, most especially his own, but still the thought, let alone the reality, of tearing someone he cared about apart made him empty his stomach several times. 

Sure Hide wanted him to live, Hide wanted him to fight, wanted him to have the ability to fight. Hide had wanted to him to be capable of winning and continuing to live. At the end of it, when all things were settled, would there really be a life left to live? Now that everything really had settled, Kaneki to truthfully say that there was always a reason to live, no matter how minuscule and insignificant that reason was. 

Kaneki didn’t have the drive though, didn’t have the motivation to do much more than exist without the one ray of sunshine in his life. 

He wondered, often, how far he would have to go to kill himself. Wondered if drowning would work, he’d heard once that drowning was one of the most painful way to die. 

Stepping out of the tub, Kaneki grabbed a towel off the rack and wiped himself down as he padded toward the sink. There was a mirror above it, something thick and cheap, one of the corners had a hairline fracture. He ran his eyes along it as a way to ignore his own reflection. 

He would go on, searching for another purpose besides becoming someone’s martyr, striving to become someone that Hide would be proud of. Reaching for a life that would bring that sunny smile to Hide’s face, in that way he’d turned Hide into his own martyr and wasn’t that just a little bit sickening.


	282. Chapter 282

Face pressed into the pillow, Hide released a long and drawn out groan as Kaneki slowly pushed inside him, only stopping when the other’s hips were against the curve of his backside. Fingers, rough and bony, wrapped around his wrists and pinned them to the mattress. Holding him down, he felt as though he were sinking, a ship lost and completely at the mercy of the tremulous sea. 

Kaneki’s breath swept up along his shoulders and scraped at his neck, making him shiver. Lips on his spine, wet and hot, Hide couldn’t help but move into the touch. Hips rutting against him, pushing him down and down into the mattress, tongue flat against his skin. 

Kaneki was a storm that raged upon him, Hide threw himself into it, body rolling against the other’s as Kaneki’s straight straw like white hair tickled the sweat soaked skin upon his back.


	283. Chapter 283

Dragging his blunt fingernails down the side of Hide’s neck, the long night seeping into their bones. Kaneki loved the way the moonlight washed through Hide’s hair and drained the colour from the other’s face, as though they were on the silver screen. 

Hide’s fingers carded through his straw-like hair, damaged and frayed from stress, now that it was all over and he’d settled into his freedom. Slowly growing comfortable with the idea that his life was worth living, it was easier to believe with someone pressed to your side telling you how much you mean to them. 

Palm pressed softly to his cheek, Hide was always there and Kaneki had felt the distance between them as a tangible pain, as though something were gnawing on him insides. Now he was trying to fill that void with the other’s presence. 

Winding his arms around Hide he pulled Kaneki in, pressed his face into the crook of the other’s neck. 

“A lot of these stars are long dead, but we can still see their light, I want to be like that,” Hide murmured, palm flat against Kaneki’s back, “I want you to be able to feel my love for you even long after I’m gone,” hand smoothed down the other’s back. 

“I’d feel the after burn for centuries,” Kaneki mumbled, lips moving against the other’s skin.


	284. Chapter 284

Hide always accepts him, no matter what, wide open arms and wide open smile every single time. Arms wrapped around his body, firmly pressing Kaneki to the other, Hide’s warmth would seep into his form. Heat slowly invaded his skin and melted the cold around his heart, dissolved the walls he would build around himself, it was so exhausting for him to present himself to the outside world. 

“Welcome home,” Hide murmured against Kaneki straw like pale white hair, turning around to kicking the front door closed. 

“Ah, finally I’m home,” Kaneki sighed, sinking into the other’s body, allowing himself to be whole again. 

Hide walked him backward to the couch and they dropped down together, a tangled mess of limbs splayed out in the small expanse of space. The other’s fingers moved through his hair and crawled up his side, tapping against his ribs. 

Here Kaneki could really relax, here Kaneki was as safe as he was going to ever be, Hide was his sanctuary the could never be fouled. Hide’s body was the temple that he worshiped, body rolling against the other’s, hands sliding up the back of Hide’s thighs. 

“There’s no need to shy away from me,” Hide murmured as Kaneki’s face was buried into the crook of his neck. 

“I’m not hiding, I’m just trying to memorise every part of you,” Kaneki said, eyes shining as he looked up at the other.


	285. Chapter 285

Petals splayed away from the bright yellow middle, the opposite of Hide’s hair, clutching the inverse in his hand. Kaneki watched at the other extended their arm out toward him, he took the single stem and pressed his nose to the flower. It was a fragrant and full scent, crawled sharply up his nose, almost made him sneeze. 

When he looked back up at Hide, the other was smiling gently. Hide was always smiling it seemed, Kaneki knew that the other had to have been sad sometime, no one could smile for forever. 

“Are you ever not smiling?” Kaneki asked smirking softly, brow arched slightly at the other.

“I’m always smiling when I’m with you,” Hide said as though saying something like that wasn’t completely embarrassing. 

Kaneki poorly hid his face behind the flower, groaning as he blushed. 

“How can you just say things like that?” He muttered and Hide laughed, a flighty sound like the wings of doves. 

“Because you’re right in front of me,” Hide said, brushing his knuckles against Kaneki’s cheek. 

“Please stop,” Kaneki whined, closing his eyes. Heart pounding awfully, he couldn’t seem to wipe the smile from his face. 

“Never,” Hide promised.


	286. Chapter 286

Sun light licking at his back as sweat ran to his neck, thick like grit and salt. Hair bleached white like the summer sun that hung high in the sky, it scratched and tickled Hide’s skin poking into the other’s thighs. Kaneki watched Hide’s face from between the other’s legs, hands gripped around the other’s thighs. 

It was a hot day and this was only making things worse but still he couldn’t help loving the way Hide reacted to him. Fingers moved through his hair and stopped at the nape of his neck, blunt fingernails digging into his skin and he hissed around Hide making the other groan. He watched Hide’s head lull back, throat and collar bone exposed, Kaneki loved that sight, he moved his hand down to the other’s kneecap and felt the roughness of it against his smooth palm. 

Sweat slick between his legs, made them stick together, made his shorts stick to his skin awfully. Cicadas drowned out Hide’s moans, for once they were useful, at least their neighbours wouldn’t complain. 

“Ken,” Hide whined, leg muscles felxing beneath the other’s hands. 

Everything was so hot, their skin, the air, the taste, it was all quite suffocating and Kaneki was beginning to feel kind of dizzy. Hide began to seize, nails digging into his flesh as the other sighed heavily spilling sticky hotness down Kaneki’s throat. He figured he could use a cold shower after this.


	287. Chapter 287

The dog was soft and dopey, pressing its body into Kaneki’s hand as he ran his palm down the dog’s length. It was a slow and chilly morning, as was usual for Kaneki’s birthday, it wasn’t snowing anymore but it had still left its touch. Hide watched him from the other side of the room, smiling that easy gentle smile. The dog squirmed against him, nuzzling into his side, making him feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. 

“You gonna give her a name?” Hide murmured, approaching the pair.

The large dog was white and fluffy, like a cloud, Kaneki wrapped his arms around it and pressed his face into the fur. 

“Yuki,” Kaneki breathed, it was only fitting really since it was December and the streets were lined with snow. 

Hide laughed, “how typical and unimaginative,” kneeling down as he ran his hand through Yuki’s fur, petting her head, “it’s perfect,” he smiled.

Yuki and Hide were looking at him with gently cocked heads, Kaneki simply smiled back with heat radiating out from his chest.


	288. Chapter 288

He watched the shallow and stuttered rise and fall of Kaneki’s chest, draped across Hide’s stomach like a blanket of mass. Palm flat upon Kaneki’s stomach, feeling the other live under his skin. He smiled at the sound of Kaneki’s soft breaths, skin warm and pinkish from their love. Watching the other finally relax, boneless against him, it was a warm comfort. 

Fingers softly moving through his hair, tugging at the tufts at the nape off his neck. Blunt nails scraping over his scalp, it made Hide sigh, a sort of hissing sound that breezed out of him like autumn air. 

Rain pattered against the windowpane and looking at it made him shiver, Kaneki coiled around him tighter like a comforter. They were each other’s comfort, lips gently smoothed over Kaneki’s neck, trailing his love over the other’s skin.


	289. Chapter 289

Back pressed against the wood of the door, thick but still cheap, he was certain that Kaneki would be able to kick it into splinters without even changing the expression on his face. Hide didn’t mind the bleached and grim appearance of the other, Kaneki was still Kaneki to him, would always be Kaneki to him. 

At least Kaneki was allowing himself to display negative emotions in the presence of others, that much alone was a break through. Hide spent his time trying to find the good things in the other’s change, not to erase the pain and terror Kaneki had been through, simply to show Kaneki that things are okay.

He wanted to show Kaneki that things would get better, that Kaneki could get better and see the world as anything other than a machine churning out horrors. Wanted to comfort Kaneki with his presence, wanted to make it known loud and clear that he wasn’t going anywhere. 

That would have to wait until tomorrow though, sound asleep as the other was, stark white hair splayed out against the scratchy motel sheets.


	290. Chapter 290

The fabric of the couch was scratchy and rough against Kaneki’s skin, oversized t-shirt pulled crocked from the way he was tossing and turning. Unable to get comfortable and slightly too cold, cheek red from the way it’d been pressed to the arm of the couch. 

A hand ran up his thigh, slid under his shorts to caress his backside, hide’s face was leant against the arm of the couch inches from Kaneki’s own. Hide was knelt down on the floor beside the couch, softly spreading heat over Kaneki’s skin with his touch. The other smiled sleepily at Kaneki and the soft morning light cascaded through the windows, bathed around Hide as though the other were sent from heaven, sometimes Kaneki thought Hide really was. 

Cupping the other’s cheek with his hand, palm flush to Hide’s skin, he showed the other his own small morning smile.

“How long have you been up?” Hide asked, voice breathy, cheeks still rosy from sleep. 

“A while,” Kaneki sighed, running his thumb along Hide’s cheek bone. 

It was a gentle and easy morning.


	291. Chapter 291

Fingers curled around Hide’s neck, Kaneki stroked the other’s Adam’s apple with his thumbs, hips rolling slowly against Hide’s backside as the other’s back arched. Teeth showing as Hide clenched his jaw, hissing between the tiny spaces, one hand wrapped around Kaneki’s knee and the other clawing at the sheets. 

To Hide, sex had always been akin to being at sea, riding the waves as they rolled beneath him. A gentle and sickly rhythm, it was almost a lullaby even with the other’s hand around his neck it was still like being rocked to sleep. It didn’t matter, Kaneki was always gentle with him, always taking great care to assure that Hide found the type of pleasure that he sink into. Fully submerged in his desire, it crawled in and out of his throat. 

For Kaneki, joining with someone, being intimate with anyone was a kind of violence that people allowed to be done to them and allowed themselves to do. Heart racing and breath short, chasing something he wasn’t sure he wanted. He tore himself open for Hide to see, carnal and animalistic, it was as base as it was intimate. Entwining body parts, jumbled and conjoined, like discarded corpses. He was hopelessly morose even in love.

Hide’s legs were bent around his waist, ankles linked at the small of his back. Hands braced either side of Hide’s head, Kaneki ran his knuckles along the other’s cheek. Hide’s moans were shallow and seemed to wind in the air like smoke, Kaneki felt as though they were always a split second away from dying as other people were conceived. 

Either they were dying or they were being born, living every moment between each other’s legs.


	292. Chapter 292

Hide split the popsicle and held out the other half for Kaneki, sweat matted the other’s hair to their forehead and was obvious that Kaneki need something to help cool off. Hide smiled that gentle and patient thing as he watched Kaneki sigh into the flavoured ice, it was a blisteringly hot day and they were waning in the heat.

The uselessly span, stirring up the heat as it made a terrible racket, neither of them had the energy to switch it off though. The pair of the laid flat out on the tatami, popsicle sticks discarded on the table. 

“You’re so pretty,” Hide murmured, finding the way that sweat left a sparkling sheen on the other’s face, Kaneki’s hair looked as though it had been styled to look disheveled. “I’d kiss you but it’d probably be gross,” he said, recoiling at the thought of touching the other, it was simply too hot, even with the way that beads of sweat rolled down Kaneki’s neck and dipped into the hollow of his collar bone.

“I hate summer,” Kaneki grumbled, “can’t even touch you,” a slight pout formed on his lips. 

“Stop being cute,” Hide whined, throwing his head back against the floor with a thunk, “it’s just making me want to kiss you more,” he muttered, eyes closed. 

“You stop it,” Kaneki threw back, brows furrowed and limbs splayed out upon the floor so that no two parts of himself were touching. “It’s going to be a long night isn’t it?” 

“Yeah,” Hide sighed, feeling a whole layer of sweat cool on his skin.


	293. Chapter 293

Kaneki had thought about it, fleetingly and with tremendous amounts of guilt in its wake, but still he’d thought about it and that fact alone made him feel incredibly pathetic. 

“There was this serial killer,” Kaneki began awkwardly as Hide’s eyes settled on him, “his name was Jeffrey Dahmer and he said that he did what he did because he didn’t want to have to be alone ever again,” he worked through the words, coming out disjointed and disconnected from him, really he didn’t know why he was telling Hide this he just had to get it out of his head. As though he’d ever do something so selfish. 

“You mean he killed people before they could leave him?” Hide said, brows furrowed as he spoke, puzzling over the idea.

“Can you imagine being that lonely?” Kaneki said as though he didn’t know, as though he were completely repulsed by the thought alone. 

“On a level I can understand, maybe even empathise a little,” Hide said softly, eyes gentle as he stared at Kaneki.

He sat there, fiddling with his book in his lap, it wasn’t what he expected but it just like Hide to surprise him. 

“Would you cut off my legs so that I couldn’t leave you,” Kaneki said, trying to sound humorous whilst saying something awfully morbid.

“As if,” Hide barked, laughing at the thought, “I could never hurt you,” he said, conviction in his voice like gravity and it drew Kaneki in. 

“I guess we’ll never know, since I’m not leaving,” Kaneki murmured, running his fingers along the spine. 

“We’ll never ever know,” Hide affirmed, smiling softly at the other.


	294. Chapter 294

Hide was always watching Kaneki, sharp and observant eyes, he knew the other well. Really it was safe to say that he Kaneki better than anyone did, they’d been together so long that he could tell how the other would react to something far in advance. He was far gone enough that he, on occasion, would entertain the idea that their hearts beat in sync. 

Turning his head on the pillow, cheek pressed into its softness as he stared at a sleeping Kaneki, his hand twitched to run through the other’s sleek black hair. He wouldn’t though, Kaneki deserved this peace, a place where the other’s heart could settle. 

He smiled softly with his hand rested over his heart, he moved the other over Kaneki’s, hand to the other’s chest and felt the rhythm of Kaneki’s heart beat. The other’s heart beat was slow and gentle where his was more flighty, faster. How could he possibly have a quiet heart when looking at Kaneki, he couldn’t possibly be calm when he was even simply in the other’s presence.


	295. Chapter 295

It hurt, of course Kaneki was happier than he’d been in such a very long time that he wasn’t even sure he’d ever been that happy, still it hurt. Hide was there, living and breathing, right before Kaneki and felt like he knew his name again. Hide’s appearance seemed to validate Kaneki’s existence in a way, his entire being relaxing with the presentation of concrete evidence that he’d not murdered his best friend. 

Although, he had consumed parts of the other, he’d known that, it really was the only logical answer. Hide stood, leant heavily upon a crutch, empty sleeve of his coat flapping around in the brisk wind that beat their bodies. 

“Still getting used to having a leg that I can’t feel,” Hide smiled, like always, head tilted to the side in that puppy dog way. 

“I can imagine,” Kaneki said, unable to keep the mirror of Hide’s smile off of his face as he fought the urge to run and tackle the other. 

“I asked for Ken, don’t look so sad,” Hide said, lips curving wider to show teeth. 

Approaching each other slowly, stopping less an a meter apart. 

“You’ve grown a lot,” Hide giggled, easily pressing their foreheads together.

“Yeah, I had to catch up with you eventually,” Kaneki sighed, wrapping an arm around the other, holding Hide close.

“You caught me up,” Hide said, “congratulations,” he added, clapping with one hand as he leaned his elbow upon the crutch.

“Let’s go home,” Kaneki murmured, smiling hard enough to hurt his face.

“Home’s wherever you are, so I’m following you,” Hide said, allowing Kaneki to lead the way.


	296. Chapter 296

Sat between the bikes, knees in the dirt, Kaneki wondered if he would ever stop being pathetic. Wiping his eyes with his fists as he sniffed, he knew he shouldn’t be so easily swayed what people say, they weren’t even directly talking about him. Though they had called people like him disgusting and wrong, it was hard to stomach, hard to swallow the idea that you’re not welcome where you felt safe. 

School really was the only safe space Kaneki had, he didn’t want what to people who had no idea what they were talking about to destroy his sanctuary, but he couldn’t deny the way those words stung. Wincing as he tried to collect himself, Kaneki swallowed the unspent tears and wiped his eyes one last time before standing.

Frozen to the spot, as though a bolt of ice lightning hard torn through him, Kaneki’s eyes met Hide’s and all he could feel in that moment was shame. 

“Are you okay?” Hide asked, hands in his pockets as he leaned against the bike shed. 

“I’ll be alright,” Kaneki said, voice wavering gently. 

“You know Ken, even if the whole world becomes a scary place, you’ll always be safe beside me,” Hide said, approaching Kaneki as he pulled a pack of tissues from his pocket, offering them to the other. 

“How do you do that?” Kaneki whined lowly, slowly pulling the packet from Hide’s hand, murmuring a soft thanks as he did. 

“Because you’re my best friend and that’s just what I do,” Hide shrugged, smiling wide and proud. 

“I must have done something spectacular in a past life to deserve you,” Kaneki mumbled, pressing his forehead to Hide’s chest, wiping his nose with the tissue. 

“You do it everyday,” Hide said, wrapping his arms around the other, hold Kaneki close.

He really did feel safe beside Hide, warm and soft heat seeping into his skin, Kaneki hoped, something he rarely did, that this space would always be his as selfish as that was.


	297. Chapter 297

It was what those in the movie industry call the golden hour, that time in the evening when the sun broke golden over the sky. Walking through the tall grass, hand in hand, Hide dragged Kaneki deeper and deeper into the wilderness. 

The whole scenario reminded Kaneki of those folk tales where forest spirits, beautiful and charming, lured children into the heart of the trees. This was a meadow that bordered with a thicket of spindly trees, but still Hide was just as alluring and charming and beautiful as anything he’d heard of in any tale, folk or otherwise.

Hide looked over his shoulder and smiled at Kaneki, it felt as though there were twin suns shining blindingly at Kaneki, even if it was to his doom he would follow Hide wherever the other led him.


	298. Chapter 298

Kaneki sighed, hand going through his hair, scratching at his scalp as he tried to think of what to do. Hide would be home soon, Hide would be hungry and Kaneki had tried to make dinner for the other. He’d kept it simply though, had brought the burgers that they used to have together, now that he was ghoul though they couldn’t really eat together ever again. And that was most of the problem, he was ghoul now so he couldn’t exactly taste the food, he wouldn’t know if it tasted bad or not.

So he stood there staring at the streaming burger on the plate, hoping that it wasn’t spoiled since even the smell of it made him sneer and grimace.

He heard the turning of a key in the door and jumped, hand over his heart as he set the plate on the table along with a glass of cola. Trying to calm himself Kaneki picked up his coffee mug from the counter as he heard the closing of the door, he stood again listening to the sounds of Hide taking off his shoes and coat, sipping at his warm coffee.

“Hey I’m home,” Hide smiled wide as he came into the room, eyes looking weary.

“Welcome home,” Kaneki smiled back softly, “I made you dinner,” he said gesturing to the table.

“No people?” Hide smirked as he pulled out his chair and sat at the table.

“Very funny,” Kaneki said sharply, eyes narrowed. “Wouldn’t the CCG love to know that one of their workers is living with a ghoul?” He said, arching his brow at the other.

“Very funny,” Hide retorted before digging into his burger, Kaneki smirked back at him. “This is so good, it takes me back,” he smiled, sighing around the taste.

“Does it taste good?” Kaneki asked, sounding a little pensive.

“It tastes great,” Hide said, mouth full of food and the sight of his bright face warmed Kaneki’s heart.

“At least I can make microwave meals,” Kaneki breathed a sigh of relief, taking a large gulp of his coffee.

“Finally we’ve found a use for you,” Hide snickered.

“I’m sure I could find a use for you?” Kaneki said, licking his lips, the pairing of them burst into laughter. It had taken some time, but they had found or more appropriately built their equilibrium on own their own. In the space between the world of ghouls and the CCG, they carved out their own paradise and came together from their respective worlds to their home.


	299. Chapter 299

Sat in a remote wood, fingers through the brush, Hide waited and watched the spaces between the trees. He didn’t expect that Kaneki would have changed all that much, but what he did want to see was the other’s smile again, it had been so long since he’d seen that. It had been so long since he’d seen Kaneki at all.

He heard it before he saw it, head turning in the direction of snapping twigs, trench coat swishing between the branches. Kaneki’s hair was in a state of disarray, white still but with black tips pointing in odd directions. Clothes smarter than Hide had ever seen the other wear, gloves clung tight to Kaneki’s fingers. 

Kaneki looked tired, weary, but what caught Hide’s eye was the gentle and warm smile pressed to the other’s lips.

“Hey,” Hide called smiling wide as he stood before Kaneki. 

“Hi,” Kaneki sighed, air pouring out of him as he approached the other. 

“Long time n-”

Hide was cut off by arms wrapping around him, pulling him in tight, held close to Kaneki’s body he could feel the other’s shuddering breaths. Slowly he snaked his arms around the other, giving Kaneki a reassuring pat on the back.

“It’s good to see you Ken,” Hide said, pressing his face into the crook of Kaneki’s neck. 

They were finally home, home was wherever the other was.


	300. Chapter 300

Moonlight softly danced upon the water’s surface, the angular jut of Hide’s hips disappeared under the dark and gentle water of the clear lake. Kaneki reached out his hand and ran his fingers down Hide’s front, over the curve of the other’s chest and into the hollow dip between the other’s ribs down to Hide’s groin. 

Hide’s smile was luminescent under the ethereal light of the full moon, it certainly felt like the witching hour with the way Kaneki’s heart was fluttering and the way his veins sung with electricity under the other’s smile. It was almost like the sun was beaming down upon him, heating his skin awfully, making the top layer peel away leaving him fresh, sensitive and ruddy. 

“Can I hold for forever, even if it’s the most selfish things I ever ask of you?” Kaneki said, holding the other close as his thumbs rubbed circles into Hide’s hips. 

“I was thinking of asking you the same thing,” Hide murmured, dipping his head down to brush his lips across Kaneki’s, pulling the other in and claiming them for his own.


	301. Chapter 301

Blood oozed and rolled down from the cut across Hide’s nose, it ran down his face and dropped off of his chin in droplets like morbid rain. He smiled still, his blood strained his teeth giving him quite the sinister appearance. It didn’t matter how many times they knocked him to the ground, Hide would get up every time in an odd personification of that old proverb. 

“Is that all you’ve got?” He asked, tilting his head. 

Really it didn’t matter how many times they hit him, as long as Kaneki was safe nothing else mattered at all. Hide wouldn’t fight back, he’d only tell them that what they were doing was wrong, wait until they’d stop hitting him and be on his way home. Of course that wasn’t actually the end of it, Hide was smarter than that, he knew better than to let everyone see him exact his revenge. 

The bruises and cuts would be his alibi, what he’d use in case the boys pointed at him. He’d act as though he were scared of them and cower in other people’s presence, there weren’t many lengths his wasn’t prepared to go for Kaneki. These boys had berated Kaneki often, teased the other for his enjoyment of reading, the one place where Kaneki could escape the horrors of his real life. 

Hide would switch out homework and sabotage exams, force those boys to watch their backs whilst he beat them in the front. 

He’d do anything to preserve Kaneki’s smile.


	302. Chapter 302

Falling, wind rushed through his hair and beat his body as he fell. And Hide was still falling, had been ever since he’d met Kaneki, he had simply tripped at first and now he was torpedoing into the warm darkness. 

Hide didn’t have grand ideas of romance, wild large gestures and poetic proclamations, he wasn’t the kind and neither was Kaneki. Maybe those things would have been nice, but it wasn’t what either of them desired or needed from each other. 

What they needed and what they gave was a silent acceptance of the other, a warm and heavy kind of support and embraces like wings wrapping around each other. Hide couldn’t help himself, he just had to be around Kaneki, had to be there for Kaneki, the other consumed him completely. 

“Ken, I’m never letting go,” Hide murmured, body wrapped around the other’s under the sheets.

“I’m gonna have to get out of the bed sometime,” Kaneki snickered and shuffled closer Hide, sleepily smiling into the other’s warmth.

“You don’t know that,” Hide said, smiling wide and bright against the back of Kaneki’s neck. 

He really would never let go, for better or for worse.


	303. Chapter 303

The light from the lamp lit Hide’s face in such a way that it seemed as though the other’s face was emitting the light, it was a gentle and warm night and Kaneki couldn’t help himself but to dip down to kiss Hide. Lips trailing all over the other’s soft face, fingers cupping Hide’s sharp jaw, fingertips tickling the sensitive skin of the other’s neck as he felt Hide smile and snicker against his own mouth. 

Body draped over the arm of the couch, Hide was malleable beneath him, Kaneki dragged his arms down and wrapped them around the other’s waist. He sunk further down against Hide’s body, the other’s legs were around his hips, Hide’s legs were lazily spread out behind Kaneki. 

He slowly ground their hips together, lips trailing along the exposed collarbone that protruded from Hide’s chest. Fingers and lips upon skin, sinew and bone, Hide’s stuttered gasps and giggles were enough to have his heart become a butterfly fluttering in the terrifying flesh cage of ribs and lungs, Kaneki’s head was full of cotton and stuffed to the brim, he felt all soft and fluffy as he moved against and upon the other. 

Stiff as a board and light as a feather, Kaneki drew pleasured moans from Hide’s smiling mouth, simply luminescent in the twilight of Kaneki’s wet panting.


	304. Chapter 304

Sun shining in his eyes, Hide stared up at Kaneki, head laid in the other’s lap as they sat in the park. He toyed with the maple leaf that he’d caught mid air earlier, falling gracelessly from the weak branch of the vast tree that stood tall above them. He twirled it between his fingertips as Kaneki ran fingers through his short and unruly hair, he didn’t miss the way Kaneki was looking at him. 

There wasn’t much that he missed in the spaces between them. 

Kaneki looked at Hide as though he would disappear at any moment, as though this were simply a dream and the other was waiting to wake up. 

Hide had never cared if Kaneki were deserving of his love or not, whether anyone was deserving or not never really amounted to much in the practices of reality, Hide had found. He’d never put much credence into the fancies and fantasies of children and what adults told children, he would admit that it would be nice to live in a world where everyone simply got what they deserved, but that was not the world they lived in and so it was irrelevant. 

He’d love Kaneki no matter what, whether the other deserved or not, that wasn’t for anyone to decide besides Hide, it was his love to give after all. 

Sitting up, hands either side of Kaneki’s hips, Hide brought his faces mere inches from the other’s. Felt Kaneki’s gentle breath hitch as it stuttered over his mouth. 

“Quit looking at me as though I’m about to vanish, do you think I’m a liar Kaneki?” Hide asked, eyes caught on the other’s bleak pupils. 

“No,” Kaneki breathed quietly, shaking his head softly. 

“Then listen: I will never leave you,” Hide said and punctuated his statement with his chaste kiss pressed swiftly to Kaneki’s lips. “Got that?” He asked, brow arched pointed at the other. 

Kaneki simply nodded, lips slick with the taste of Hide and that was something that wouldn’t be washed off easily.


	305. Chapter 305

Warmth radiated from Hide’s body, warmth and light, that was the way Kaneki described it. He’d stand in their room in the middle of the night and watch the other exist in their bed, lighting the room as though there was a twilight shining in their room. 

The way the sheets draped around Hide’s hip, as though the bone cut the fabric, it was as though Kaneki were viewing some sort of renaissance painting. Deep, dark and over expressive, paint layered thick. Kaneki wanted to run his hand over Hide’s skin, warm as always, he watched the other squirm into wakefulness. Bright eyes flickering open.

Hide’s hand wrapped around his forearm and pulled him back down onto the bed and into the warmth of Hide’s arms.


	306. Chapter 306

Pressed up against the bushes, twigs and leaves in his hair, arms and legs wrapped around the other. Hide giggled into the crook of Kaneki’s neck, fingers curled around the other’s shoulders, smile tickling Kaneki’s sensitive skin. He could hear the stuttered and broken sound of Kaneki’s laughter, felt the other’s mouth shudder against his hair. 

It was joyous, like the rocking of the sea on a sparkling sunny day, sweeping his hand through the Kaneki’s hair the same way he would move his hand through the water. 

Hide ground his ass into Kaneki’s groin, leg bent over the other’s shoulder, foot curled and toes pointed. Hand against Kaneki’s chest, flat enough to feel the other’s heart beat, fluttering like a bird caged awfully in Kaneki’s ribs.


	307. Chapter 307

The deep lively green of the leaves and the earthy darkness of the tree bark, Kaneki watched them fly by as they drove along the country road. The scent of soil drifted in through the open window, turning his eyes inside the car they fell upon Hide’s profile. Jaw sharp but relaxed, didn’t that just say everything about Hide, that sharp mind but relaxed attitude Kaneki really admired it. 

“It’s like a different world,” he said, “here and the city, ghouls and humans, does any of that matter if we’re alone?” Kaneki leant his head back against the headrest and watched the way the gentle light that filtered through the trees caressed the other’s face. 

“Oh, that if a tree falls and no one’s there to hear it does it make a sound thing?” Hide smirked, making a dimple form on his face. “Those things shouldn’t matter anyway Ken, but they double don’t matter with me, I wouldn’t care if you grew eighteen arms, you’re still my best friend,” he continued, glancing at Kaneki from time to time. 

“Hmm, I dunno if I could deal with you having eighteen arms,” Kaneki said and Hide promptly elbowed him. 

“Some friend you are,” Hide laughed. 

“I’d still love you even if you had eighteen arms, okay?” Kaneki said, smiling enough to make his face hurt.


	308. Chapter 308

The moonlight danced across the gentle swaying of the water, their small boat bounced buoyant upon the lake. Kaneki had given up on the pretense of fishing more than an hour ago, had set the rod aside and sat back to listen to Hide’s idle chatter. Talk of technique and patience that Kaneki didn’t hold, that Kaneki also was pretty certain Hide didn’t have either, filled the air as he watched the way that the moon’s image shifted upon the surface of the water.

“Are the fish even awake?” Kaneki asked, interrupting Hide mid sentence. 

Hide froze, went practically rigid before breaking into a fit of stifled laughter.

“I have no idea,” Hide said through the dying stutters of his laughter, arm wrapped tight around his stomach. “It’s just nice though isn’t it? The water and the darkness and good company,” he said, smiling wide over his shoulder. 

The way that the darkness couldn’t outline the edges of anything, the way Kaneki felt as though the whole world blurred together, it made Hide seem softer than he ever had. The gentleness of the light’s touch upon Hide’s form, it brought a heat to Kaneki’s cheeks that he hoped was almost invisible in this dead silent night. 

“Even if there were loads of fish, I doubt we’d catch any,” Kaneki murmured, hiding his face behind the flask as he took a large gulp of coffee. 

“It’s not the fish that matter and you know that,” Hide said, adding to Kaneki’s growing blush with the warmth of his tone.


	309. Chapter 309

It felt as though there a million tiny needles slowly being pressed into Kaneki’s heart as Hide bore down upon him, eyes alight with that fire burning inside the other. Clammy fingers ran down the inside of Kaneki’s thighs, touch tacky enough to pull at his skin. 

Kaneki was too hot, sticky in all the right and wrong places, skin sticking irritatingly to the leather couch. He whined as Hide’s hips rolled and rocked against him, making his elbows quiver as Hide moved inside him. Back arched over the arm of the couch, almost bending back enough to turn himself upside down, blood running to both of his heads. 

Fingers in his matted hair brought their lips together with crushing force, practically panting into each other’s mouths, gasping moans left upon Hide’s lips. 

“Tell me what you want Ken,” Hide breathed, tongue lapping at Kaneki’s salt slick skin. 

“Just you,” Kaneki groaned, fingers digging hard into Hide’s back, holding the other to him as close as possible.


	310. Chapter 310

Kaneki felt heavy, as though the gravity of the Earth had doubled and he was being pressed into the ground as his bones groaned under the pressure. He was so tired, tired enough to pass out right there on the floor. 

Fingers danced up his spine, tickled the nape of his neck and slid into his hair, Kaneki leaned into the touch. He practically purred as he rolled over onto his back to find Hide kneeling over him, amused smile pressed to his lips Hide’s fingers carded through Kaneki’s hair. 

“Long day?” Hide asked, voice as soft and gentle as feathers across Kaneki’s cheek.

“Yeah,” Kaneki sighed, leaning up on his elbows to press their lips together, a chaste affair that has him smiling sloppily up at Hide. “It’s not so bad now though,” he added and Hide laughed at that, the sound was angelic and left Kaneki’s heart fluttering. 

“The same goes for you,” Hide returned, brushing their lips again, leaving Kaneki with a tingling sensation feeling as though he were molten at the core of himself.


	311. Chapter 311

Baseline thumping through his headphone, Kaneki had made him keep them on as Kaneki’s tongue left a moist trail between his legs. Hot and sticky, Hide left his mouth wide open as the other’s soft hands spread his ass apart, hole twitching under the scrutiny and cool air. Kaneki practically devoured his asshole, tongue prodding and probing, thighs jumping as they wrapped around Kaneki’s head. 

Heart beating in time with the racy music, fingers curled in the sheets bunched up beneath him, toes digging into Kaneki’s shoulder blades. Hide lost himself in the sensation, stammering noises out of his mouth as his chest fluttered, head thrown back into the comfort of the pillows. 

Bent over double by the press of Kaneki’s gentle hands upon the underside of his thighs, backside slathered in lube, Kaneki pressed inside him slowly. Eyes blown wide as he watched the motion of Kaneki’s hips as they met the curve of his ass, he was barely able to swallow around the feeling of being filled to the brim. 

Reaching out, Hide laced his fingers in Kaneki’s sleek black hair, it was sticky with sweat and the sensation reminded Hide of tar. Hips to backside, Hide was a small fishing boat caught in the eyes of the storm, rolled and turned by the roaring waves as Kaneki bore down upon him. 

No one would have known by looking at Kaneki that he was capable of making goose flesh roll over Hide’s body with just the angle of his thrusts, but there they were with hairs standing on end over Hide’s now sensitive skin. Kaneki’s face was buried in Hide’s chest, teeth grazing over the sweat slick skin there, nose against Hide’s heart. 

Jaw clenched and teeth gritted, Hide arched his bed off the mattress as his ejaculate streamed between them, soaking into the sheets beneath them and Hide’s sweatshirt he was still wearing. Kaneki followed shortly after, thrusts erratic and words falling from his mouth that Hide couldn’t hear over the music still blaring into his ears. 

As Kaneki collapsed upon him, Hide flung the headphones of the side of the bed and they clattered to the ground where he could no longer see them, but the music still faintly carried through the room. The only other sound was the sound of their laboured breathing as they tried to catch their breath, fingers entwined beside them.


	312. Chapter 312

Soft warm hand curled around the swell of his ribs, Kaneki arched his back up into the touch as Hide continued to litter his neck with kisses, making Kaneki giggle giddily. Sweet tongue lapping sweat off of his heated skin, smiling into him, Hide rolled up flush against Kaneki’s body like a gentle wave. 

“Do you think I’d taste good Ken?” Hide asked seemingly out of nowhere, fingertips tracing over Kaneki’s stomach.

“I don’t even want to know what’s going on in your head,” Kaneki said, brows raised as he stared down at Hide, stark white hair splayed out against the pillow like a halo. 

“Haven’t you ever thought about it? Not even after going down on me?” Hide’s lips curled into a smirk as he made his way down to Kaneki’s chest, fingernails scratching at the wispy tufts of hair that poked out from the waistband of Kaneki’s boxers. 

“Jeez,” Kaneki sighed, going a little pink in the cheeks, “maybe, but I don’t want to eat parts of you, it isn’t sexy at all,” he said reluctantly. “It makes my stomach churn just to think of it,” Kaneki added, pressing his lips softly to the top of Hide’s head. 

“No no, that’s not what I’m saying, I’m just asking if you’d think that I’d taste nice, I don’t want to be eaten either,” Hide smiled, warm and wide, teeth shining in the warm light of the summer morning. “Does it taste good to put your tongue to my skin?” He asked as he gently ran a finger around Kaneki’s belly button making Kaneki shiver. 

“Yeah, you taste nice,” Kaneki murmured, leaning his head back into the pillow. 

“How do I taste?” Hide asked, pressing feather light kisses to Kaneki’s side, caging a whine in Kaneki’s throat. 

“Like tangy sorbet on a sweaty summer’s day,” Kaneki said, rolling them over so that he was holding himself over Hide. He latched his mouth to Hide’s neck, tongue lapping at the heated skin, Kaneki delighted in the stuttered gasp that came from Hide quivering lips.


	313. Chapter 313

Kaneki heart practically shattered at the sight of the slightly damp box that sat in the alcove of his small apartment building, his heart broke further at the sudden shrill mewing that came from inside. Snow was still lightly falling as it had been since early that morning when he’d left the building, hopefully the box hadn’t been there for too long. Sliding off his scarf, Kaneki slowly reached into the box and wrapped the shaking kitten in his scarf and took the stairs. As he walked, Kaneki held the cold lump of fur tightly to his chest. 

At the door, Kaneki awkwardly pulled his keys out of his pocket and opened the door, he closed it softly behind him, hoping not to startle the kitten. He slid off his shoes in the genkan and stepped further inside, Hide popped out from the end of the hall. Smile bright enough to dispel the bleakness of the day, he bounded up to Kaneki and stared at the wriggling lump in his arms. 

“You’re such a sweet guy Ken,” Hide’s smile turned soft as he pressed his palm to the kitten’s cheek. 

“I just thought it was cruel how they left it outside, in the snow and all,” Kaneki murmured going slightly pink in the cheeks. 

They sat on their mattress with the television on and the kitten wrapped in their softest sweaters between them, Kaneki sipped at his coffee as he watched the kitten rub up against Hide’s thigh, smiling at how easily it had warmed up to Hide. He figured that was just the nature of things, Hide could simply thaw almost anything out.


	314. Chapter 314

Trees tore through the ground and bent crooked over them as they laid on their back and watched the way the light broke through the leaves. Kaneki was right bisde Hide, hands less than an inch away from each other, all Hide had to do was twitch his finger and they’d be touching. 

“Even though the sun doesn’t quite reach the forest floor, it’s still warm,” Kaneki said, fingers curling in the underbrush. 

“It’s because I’m here,” Hide smiled, showing teeth as he closed his eyes. 

“Because you’re the sun that lights my life,” Kaneki said, smirking as he turned his head toward Hide. 

“Exactly,” Hide shot back, smiling still. 

They stared at each other for a moment, Hide curled his little finger around Kaneki’s, feeling quite warm himself. 

“Do you even need the sun if I’m here?” Hide asked, snickering a little to himself at the corniness of the statement. 

“I don’t know about me, but the plants certainly do,” Kaneki laughed, hiding his mouth behind his hand. Startling small birds to vacate the branches above, noisily breaking through the leaves.


	315. Chapter 315

Tongue flat against the inside of his thigh, hot and gentle, it was enough to leave Kaneki shaking in glass. Fingers clawing through the grass, nails picking up dirt, legs splayed to the open air. The sun shimmered off of the trail of Hide’s saliva upon his skin, the summer had been oppressive so far but this was a whole different kind of suffocation. 

Hide baring down upon him, mouth lovingly pressed to his sticky skin. It was as though he was in a wholly different atmosphere, it felt as though he were suffocating and breathing clearer than he’d ever been. Hide’s love surrounded him, filled his lungs and forced his heart to beat, hands needy upon him. 

Kaneki’s own hands possessively pulled at Hide’s hair, drew the other closer between his legs. Skin to skin, heat tingling between them, mouth to mouth. They drowned in each other.


	316. Chapter 316

Kaneki took one last deep breath before stepping forward to grasp Hide’s hands, staring the other straight in the eye. He knew that it might not be true but for him it was certainly now or never, Kaneki wasn’t sure that he’d be able to recover from that particular brand of embarrassment. 

It had been so long, they both wore battle scars and time weary faces, if it wasn’t the first thing he said then Kaneki would spend the rest of his life kicking himself. What better time than this to say what was truly in his heart, Hide had always been able to do that. The other’s last words to him came to mind then.

“Hide I, stay, I want to be by your side always because it doesn’t matter to me wherever I am. Beside you will always be my home,” Kaneki said, utterly unable to keep the broad smile from his face, blinking back unspent tears.

“Welcome back,” Hide murmured, smile soft and warm as he pulled Kaneki closer.


	317. Chapter 317

Tongue lulling out of his mouth, Hide wondered how it’d taken them this long to get here. He’d always known that Kaneki liked him and he’d always liked Kaneki, it didn’t quite make sense, but Hide thought that maybe they’d had to wait for the right time, for them both to be ready for. He had been ready for so long, but it’d been Kaneki to take the first leap and it had felt like they were making up for lost time ever since. Kaneki’s mouth wrapped around him, the other was the one driving the pace of their relationship, Hide had always been the kind of guy that just went with the flow. 

Going with Kaneki’s flow and rhythm as he currently was, Hide was pretty happy with that. Fingers threading through Kaneki’s soft dark hair, holding the other close, body curled over Kaneki’s form. 

The other had been all over him the moment he’d come through the door, bodies pressed flush against the closed door with Kaneki’s mouth hot and wet upon his own. It had been a whirlwind since then, Hide couldn’t really remember much of what happened between the door and the bed, but he sure as hell wasn’t complaining. Especially not with the way Kaneki was swallowing around him, the head of his cock grazing against the of the other’s mouth. 

Doubling over with his mouth pressed to Kaneki’s scalp as he came hotly down the other’s throat, shivering as Kaneki pulled off of him, small trail of saliva still connecting them. 

Kaneki smiled up at Hide as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, “welcome home.”


	318. Chapter 318

Fingers wrapped tight around Kaneki’s wrist, Hide pulled the other down the silent streets covered in darkness, feet pattering upon the freshly fallen rain. The water still hung in the air, things like the after effects of whether made the whole world feel alive and buzzing, it made Kaneki feel a part of it. 

Hide dragged Kaneki to the riverside, as they approached he could see the full moon reflected upon the water’s surface. They stopped at the water’s edge, Hide sat on the ground and pulled Kaneki along with him, smiling brighter than anything that shone in that night. 

That smile released a whole jar of butterflies into the hollow of his stomach, pushing a weak smile across his lips. 

“The moon’s so bright tonight,” Hide murmured, not even looking away from Kaneki for an instant, “but you’re more captivating.”

“Don’t they say that the moon can make people crazy?” Kaneki said, it was the only thing that came to mind in the Lovecraftian night. 

“Maybe I’m losing my mind looking at you?” Hide said, the light of the moon shining in his eyes as he watched Kaneki flush.


	319. Chapter 319

Kaneki’s fingers crawled up the inside of Hide’s thighs, body curled around the other’s, face pressed to the nape of Hide’s neck. He could tell that his gentle breathing was tickling Hide’s skin, the other shifting beneath him. The way Hide leaned back against him, the way Hide trusted him, after everything that had happened, to have someone trust him unquestioningly. At first, to hold something living and breathing within his hands, to hold someone that he’d already torn asunder, it made him shake with fear of himself.

Dust was settled upon the floor, clouds were gone from the sky, Kaneki had already been through so much, he’d had been shattered into a million pieces and had re-forge himself in the fires of his heart. He had to relive his suffering many times before he was able to find a peace within himself.

When he’d been reunited with Hide, it had taken him less than a second to embrace the other, but it had taken him far longer to get comfortable with Hide and the constant reminder of the way he’d devoured the other. The missing limb and its replacement tortured him with guilt, but as with anything you’re exposed to for a long enough period of time, Kaneki got used to it.

Lips to the back of Hide’s neck, Kaneki sighed, eyes closed as he held the other closer. He remembered the words Hide had said to him, words repeated again and again.

“There exists no man that has never committed a bad deed, just as there’s no man that has never committed a good deed,” Hide said, smiling as always as he imparted wisdom.

“What’re you thinking about so hard?” Hide asked, twisting around in Kaneki’s arms, pecking at the other’s neck and jaw line.

“You,” Kaneki smiled back, neck craning from the awkward angle to make their lips meet.

Hide laughed, light and soft, the sound made Kaneki’s stomach flutter. In his head there wasn’t a question of whether he deserved this or not, there was simply no point to running himself in circles over something that would not truly amount to anything. Instead, Kaneki set to righting his wrongs with the love his could give and share, just like the words he was whispering into Hide’s awfully soft hair.


	320. Chapter 320

Kaneki was no longer standing, yet he was, stepping out from the darkness of the basement, gloved fingers curled around the handrail. The light didn’t quite reach him, someone stood in the doorway, blocking his way. During his lifetime, in his most recent years, Kaneki had come to terms with a whole lot of his demons, had faced all of his wrong doings and mistakes. All but this one. 

“Finally coming home?” Hide asked, holding his hand out for the other to take, practically guiding Kaneki into the light. “I’ve always forgiven you, even before there was anything to give,” Hide smiled, light breaking around his head as though he were wearing a halo. 

He expected to burst into flames the second he stepped into the light from the cleansing of his sins, but no such thing happened. Instead Hide’s hold on him tightened and the light felt softly warm, it was a home coming. It was a brass band and cheering in his ears, it was the sun shining down on him, it was that smile pulling him up the stairs. 

The light grew brighter and brighter, but Kaneki could only focus on that smile burning out ‘til the end of time.


	321. Chapter 321

Kaneki heard the breeze roll in before he felt it, ruffled the collar of his shirt and moved through his hair mussing it. The timing was impeccable, the wind swept through just as Hide finished speaking, smiling as he tilted his head to side. Kaneki didn’t know how to reply, didn’t know how to receive the information he’d been handed. 

“I love you,” Hide had said, hand around Kaneki’s wrist as he pulled the other back. 

Kaneki’s head had whipped around, catching Hide’s smile just as the wind blew through. He couldn’t quite remember the last time someone had uttered those words to him, Tsukiyama had said as much in his utterly round about way but there was a vast difference between knowing that someone loved you and someone declaring it right in front of you. 

“I don’t know what to say,” Kaneki muttered dumbly, knowing that he could return the words back to Hide, they would be honest and true without a doubt.

“You don’t have to say anything, I love you, I’m not asking anything of you Ken,” Hide said, smiling still as he adjusted his grip around Kaneki’s wrist. “Me saying I love you is like me saying I love music, I don’t expect anything of music and I don’t expect anything of you. I just saying that I love you, always have and always will, no matter what,” he said with conviction, enough to shake Kaneki’s heart. 

“Thank you,” Kaneki breathed, smiling wistfully as he turned back to continue their walk along the riverside. 

Hide’s hand still curled around his wrist.


	322. Chapter 322

Thumbs pressed hard to the curve of Hide’s backside as Kaneki pulled the other closer, tongue flicking out to swipe across the tip of Hide’s penis, making the other shiver slightly. Fingers through Kaneki’s already tussled hair, Hide’s hissed through his closed teeth as Kaneki’s mouth closed around him. 

This wasn’t exactly what Hide had meant when he’d jokingly said ‘eat me’ to the other, but he wouldn’t complain, not with the way Kaneki’s tongue was curled around him. Blunt fingernails dug into his flesh and Hide figured that Kaneki was enjoying himself too, if the way the other was groaning around him amounted to anything. 

Toes curling without purchase on the wood panel flooring, head lulling back as Kaneki’s cheeks hollowed. Before he could get the words out of his throat, Hide was cumming down Kaneki’s, body curling over the other’s as his fingers tangled in Kaneki’s hair. 

He hadn’t noticed that he’d closed his eyes until he was opening them again, blearily focusing on Kaneki wiping his face with the back of his hand, licking wet lips. 

“Was this not what you meant?” Kaneki asked, brows raised with mock innocence. Hide groaned.


	323. Chapter 323

“Wow,” Hide murmured as he ran his fingers through Kaneki’s white hair, strangely it was thick and straw like. Before all this had happened, before their worlds had been turned upside down and turned rotten, Kaneki’s black hair was smooth and sleek. Hide didn’t dislike the change, it was just so different from how it had been. 

Pressing his nose to Kaneki’s crown as the other leaned against him, laid out on the couch as they were, Hide breathed in and felt the hard press of Kaneki’s hair against his face. 

“It’s scratchy isn’t it,” Kaneki murmured, eyes closed as he leaned into Hide’s warmth. Hide’s arm was wrapped around him and that warmth enveloped him so comfortably, it was almost enough for him to fall asleep. 

“I like it,” Hide replied, smiling into Kaneki’s scalp, running his nose through the other’s hair, “it’s quite striking.”

“Yeah, it’ll be really hard to lose me in a crowd,” Kaneki said, a touch of amusement in his voice. 

“Exactly,” Hide said, squeezing Kaneki as he held the other closer, peppering the top of Kaneki’s head with soft kisses as Kaneki snickered beneath him.


	324. Chapter 324

Fingernails digging into the cushions of the couch, scratching and scraping against the fabric. Hide groaned, bent over the arm of the couch as Kaneki ground against him, driving him further into the couch. Kaneki rubbed his fingers up and down Hide’s back, causing shivers to run down the other’s spine and bunching his shirt up under his armpits. 

“K-ken,” Hide stammered, face awkwardly angled as he tried to look over his shoulder at the other, “what the hell’s gotten into you, not that I’m complaining,” he huffed, barely able to catch his breath. 

“You came home,” Kaneki replied, fingers digging into Hide’s hips as he drove into Hide watching with a sly smile as Hide’s hand flew over his mouth, muffled moan slipping between his fingers.


	325. Chapter 325

The springs of the bed were hard and creaked with every movement that Kaneki made, the walls were the colour that was once white and Kaneki was still getting used to the idea of touching the furniture. Hide, on the other hand, had easily made himself at home in the sketchy motel room. Padding around in his tacky Hawaiian shirt, Hide screamed tourist as pushed the dollar sunglasses up the bridge of his nose. The Miami sun beat through the window as though it were desperate to assault them, Kaneki was swelter to say the least, clothes sticking to his skin awfully. 

“Ken,” Hide breathed like the cool summer breeze he was trying to be, “let’s go outside,” he said, clammy fingers curled around Kaneki’s ankle. 

“I’ll fry, I’ll burst into flames,” Kaneki droned, wriggling atop the bed, his movements made the mattress scream in agony. 

“We’ll slather you in factor seventy,” Hide beamed, smile shining bright enough to make Kaneki beg for darkness. 

“So just my eyes will explode,” Kaneki groaned, choosing to just stand in the stagnant air than have those springs digging into his flesh. 

“I’ll lend you my sunglasses,” Hide said, smirking like a man that was begging to be punched. Instead though, Kaneki found himself tilting Hide’s chin back to kiss the other softly. 

“I think I’d rather spend the day crying in the shower,” Kaneki muttered as Hide snickered against his skin.


	326. Chapter 326

The small dots that littered Hide’s face burned against his tan skin were akin to soft pebbles sticking out from sand, like constellations shining in the sky, Kaneki was captivated with the way they ran over Hide’s nose, spread out across his cheeks and curled up around his eyes. Kaneki ran a calloused finger over Hide’s cheek, rough touch pressed against soft skin. 

“Stunning,” Kaneki breathed, his features faltered as he realised he’d said it aloud but Hide only smiled back at him, leaning softly into the touch.

“So are you,” Hide beamed, warm eyes on Kaneki as he brought his hands up to cup the other’s face.

“Shut up,” Kaneki said, though he couldn’t help the small smile that spread across his lips nor the light dusking of his cheeks. 

“Okay,” Hide chimed, leaning over to press his cracked lips against Kaneki’s. 

Soft and fast, the kiss was a memory before Kaneki even realised it had happened, but still the warmth remained as Hide did before him, smile beaming and warming his skin like always.


	327. Chapter 327

Hide was bored, draped over the couch and dejected like some renaissance painting. Knuckles of his right hand barely touching the floor, magazine splayed across his chest, the wire of his headphones was haphazardly wound around his body in awkward places and he was missing a sock. He’d been like this all day, listlessly lying around and awaiting Kaneki’s return. The other had been away for a few weeks and quite frankly they’d been the most agonising two weeks he had ever endured. 

His eyes were closed and he was trying to dampen his agitation with the sound of soft music, Hide was on edge and he wanted to quiet the incessant beating of his heart. Nervous energy ran through his veins, he couldn’t quit the tapping of his fingers against his leg. 

Fingers through his hair, Hide’s eyes shot open to find Kaneki staring down at him with that small and soft smile, a light blush dusted Kaneki’s cheeks like cherry blossom scattered in the air. If Hide’s heart was fluttering before, now it was beating double drum against the cage of his chest. 

Kaneki said something and Hide couldn’t hear over the sound of his music, dumbly Hide pulled off his head and said, “what?” 

“I’m home,” Kaneki repeated, smiling as though he’d just gently touched down from heaven. 

“Welcome home,” Hide stammered as he awkwardly untangled himself and rose from the couch to stumble into Kaneki’s arms as the other began to laugh softly at him, all Hide could think was what a homecoming.


	328. Chapter 328

Fingers around the hem of his shirt, Kaneki watched as Hide pulled it over his head, beads of sweat trailed down his chest and ran over his stomach. Softly tanned skin bared to the suffocating summer heat, Hide’s hair puffed out as he pulled the shirt down his arms and stared at Kaneki with that wild lopsided smile. 

Rueful, Kaneki thought that if there was a single word the described Hide it would be rueful. Kaneki knew that Hide was aware of everything he did and how it effected Kaneki’s restraint, no matter innocent he’d acted it was simply just that, an act that Kaneki tried not to rise to. 

Hide had just come in from working out in the yard on some kind of furniture that they apparently needed, Kaneki didn’t complain though, their house wasn’t cluttered by the things that Hide made. Instead it was made homely by the addition of his quaint craftsmanship, a touch of love that Kaneki doubted he himself could bring. 

“Whatcha doing Ken?” Hide asked, leaning over Kaneki with a hand braced against the back of the couch. 

“Going over my notes,” Kaneki stated flatly, curling his lip as Hide’s sweat sticky scent invaded his nose, “you gonna spend the rest of the day stinking like a dog?” He asked, brow arched pointed up at Hide, really though Kaneki didn’t mind the smell so much as it was distracting to have Hide so close like he was.

“Am I distracting you?” Hide asked, expression soft and feigning innocence. 

“Not at all,” Kaneki lied, continuing the game as he raised the papers to his face.

“If you say so,” Hide huffed a short kind of giggle as he padded further into the house and up the stairs, Kaneki tried to refocus on his work but the words seemed to mean nothing as he grazed his eyes over them. “You coming or what?” Hide called from the stairs and Kaneki hadn’t known that it was that he was waiting for, he dropped the papers to the couch as he rose and headed toward the stairs wordlessly.


	329. Chapter 329

Light softly filtered through the screen door, the gentle early summer breeze caressed Kaneki’s skin as he held a book in the deft fingers of his left hand. The day was bright and would surely be long, it was already past seven o’clock and the sun was hardly close to fading for the night. 

He watched Hide climb the step over the top of his book, the other was obviously tired and shuffled up the steps with a light sigh. When their eyes met as Hide reached the screen door, all that weariness disappeared and that boundless smile spread across Hide’s face. 

“I’m home,” Hide beamed as he opened the door, Kushi, their black and white cat, weaved between his legs and entered the house before him. It jumped into Kaneki’s lap as though she’d missed Kaneki as much as Hide had, she looked up at Hide with what he could only discern as slightly smug. 

“Welcome back,” Kaneki said, smiling softly as he set the book aside, fingers pushed through Kushi’s short hair as she began to purr. 

“Are you talking to me or Kushi?” Hide said as kicked his shoes off and hung up his jacket. 

“Can’t be both?” Kaneki asked, brow slightly arched under the rim of his reading glasses, evidently he was teasing Hide. 

“Ah, you wound my pride Ken,” Hide said as he dramatically held his hand over his heart. 

Kaneki chuckled softly, closed fist held in front of his mouth delicately, “I suppose you deserve something for making me laugh,” he said, he rose from the chair and Kushi jumped from his lap to the floor. He stood less than a foot in front of Hide, the other’s chin held between his thumb and forefinger, Kaneki tipped it down toward him. “Welcome home Hide,” he breathed before pressing his lips to Hide’s with a feather light touch that left Hide’s eyes fluttering. 

“It’s nice to finally be home,” Hide murmured with a smile, lips brushing against Kaneki’s as he spoke.


	330. Chapter 330

Head pressed back into the pillow, Kaneki crushed his eyes closed as Hide’s backside met his hips time and time again. His eyes shuttered every time Hide pulled back, sliding out of Hide had his fingers clutching for something to hold onto. 

Street lights through the broken window coloured Hide neon, skin turned papery and luminous in that light, it was a kind of surreal and ethereal moment. It felt like a fantasy to have Hide looming over him like this, fingers ran softly down in his chest alighting on his ribs and making Kaneki writhe. 

The smile beamed down and Kaneki was blinded through the slits of his eyes, warmth seeped in through where their skin met, finger, thighs and where they were joined. Finally, Kaneki’s fingers found Hide’s body, curled tight around Hide’s hips and dug in. 

Head and eyes rolling back as he felt Hide’s back arch, ass pressed down harsh upon Kaneki. Moan hissed through gritted teeth as they clutched at each other, fingers wrapped around Hide straining length, they came one after the other. 

Hide slumped against Kaneki’s body, coiling around Kaneki like a heating blanket, warming every part of Kaneki.


	331. Chapter 331

Hand sliding softly along Kaneki’s back as he wrapped his arm around the other, gently holding them close together as he slowly rocked his hips against Kaneki’s backside. Kisses slow and lingering as Hide tasted the heat of Kaneki’s skin, tongues wet between them and Kaneki’s breath grew short from the suffocating pressure. 

He traced his fingers all over the other warm skin, down Kaneki’s jaw, fingertips light over the other’s neck, they dipped into the curve of Kaneki’s collarbone, Hide ran his hand flat down the expanse of the other’s chest, fingers barely touching Kaneki’s the bumps and valleys as the other’s chest stuttered giggling from the touch. 

Hide smiled wide into the kiss, mouths open as they breathed against each other. Fingers still working their way down Kaneki’s body, he curled his hand slowly around the other’s hips, fingers digging into the flesh of Kaneki’s thigh as he moved to spread the other open wide. 

Kaneki’s hands twisted in the warm and soft sheet beneath them, mornings like these were Hide favourites. Waking up slowly against the warmth of Kaneki’s sleeping body, limbs heaped in a tangled mess together. Mornings where he’d kiss Kaneki awake and make love as the sun softly filtered into through the curtains and made the whole room seem as though it inhabited a dream.


	332. Chapter 332

The train rattled along the tracks and jostled the two of them into each other, shoulders bumping together as Kaneki tried to coordinate drinking his coffee while reading the newspaper. He spied Hide sipping on water beside him from the corner of his eye, bright yellow windbreaker obnoxiously bright creaked just as obnoxiously loud with Hide’s every movement. Even then Hide wasn’t as obnoxious as the cracking florescent lights inside the carriage nor the obtrusive noise of the train trundling through the vast tunnels of the subway. 

Their knuckles grazed every now and then, a subtle gesture of longing and devotion, small moments that staved off their hunger for each other. They were almost home, the week’s long shadow drawn out behind them, desperate to be alone together. Coffee bitter and cold by now, just like Kaneki himself, but Hide’s gentle warmth seeped into him with every seemingly accidental touch. 

Kaneki glanced at the map, two stops until they were home free, he felt the excitement coarse through him like a love sick teen. He’d never had the opportunity to be overcome and overrun by thoughts of someone else and the painful longing to be besides them, but he’d only realised that he’d never had that because Hide had always been by his side. The slow realisation was tortorous in its obviousness, but once he’d come to terms with himself and the world around him anew, Kaneki had found that he liked being exactly where he was. 

His home was wherever Hide was besides him, shoulders touching and private smiles, hearts meant only for each other. Kaneki decided to trade coffee for the taste of Hide’s mouth the moment that the door closed behind them once they were in their apartment, he smirked to himself at the thought as the train jolted to a stop at their station.


	333. Chapter 333

Sat up on the kitchen counter, ankles twisted together, Hide sipped at his hot chocolate as he stared out the window. The outside world was sprinkled with a touch of frost and covered in a low hanging fog, it reminded him of those large forgotten houses with all the furniture covered in drapery. It would have been magical if it didn’t give Hide the chills, fingers clutched around the mug tighter to feel the warmth. 

When Kaneki came in he hardly spared Hide a glance, not quite himself without his morning coffee, hair pointing up in several directions easily communicating his mental disarray. Coffee as dark as Kaneki’s hair spilled into the mug in his hand, aroma twisting up his nose and gently pulling him to his senses. 

“Morning Ken,” Hide smiled, softly kicking his heels against the cabinet beneath him. 

Kaneki hummed in reply as he brought the mug to his lips, coffee steaming as it slid into his mouth. With his eyes closed Kaneki sighed, finally coming to life. The sensation of caffeine running through his veins made him feel more like himself, licking his lips as he pulled the mug away, staring at his disheveled reflection in the black coffee. 

“Good morning,” Kaneki murmured, voice still rough from the sleep that clung to him, he blinked slowly at Hide’s sunny form. Bright personality shining through the bleak morning, Hide kept a corner of Kaneki’s world warm and alight with a comforting glow, if his mornings were always like this maybe he could handle the world outside.


	334. Chapter 334

The continued and sporadic blasts of fireworks shone through the window and starkly lit the otherwise dark bedroom. In those flashes of light Hide could perfectly see the softness of Kaneki’s round face, kindness now harder to find but it was still there, hiding just under the layer of armour Kaneki now wore. Not that Kaneki really needed the armour around Hide, it had simply become a habit, a habit that had kept him alive. 

Hide marveled at that thought, how Kaneki had managed to find a way out of the terrible and horrifying situations he’d been placed in time and time again. Whether it was fate, ingenuity, smarts, intelligent design, acts of the cosmos or simply by sheer coincidence, Hide was glad to have his friend back safe in his arms. 

It didn’t matter that Kaneki had changed, time changed all things and Hide himself wasn’t an exception to this rule, in fact he welcomed the change. The harsh lights shone brightly through Kaneki’s stark white hair and lit the other’s sharp eyes in a way that made them sparkle. When the light was gone it was as though Kaneki weren’t there, but Hide knew, even if he couldn’t see, hear or feel the other, Kaneki would always be there from now to the end of their days. It was there in the silent promise they’d made when they called each other home.

“What’s with the goofy expression?” Kaneki asked sleepily as he continued to stare out of window and up at the fireworks display. 

“I was thinking about new hope,” Hide said softly, smiling at Kaneki as though the sun were hidden in his mouth, Kaneki smiled back soft and warm like he’d spent his whole life humouring Hide.

“To new hope,” Kaneki repeated, tilting his head toward the bursting lights in the sky, hands loosely held between them on the mattress.


	335. Chapter 335

Teeth grazing against the sensitive flesh of Hide’s neck, Kaneki sucked hard on the other’s skin as he straddled Hide upon the couch. Hide released a shuddering breath into the stark white straw like hair, it poked and scratched at the other’s skin. Kaneki ran his hand down Hide’s front, he cupped Hide through his sweats, feeling out the other’s lengths as he palmed Hide. Tongue wet and firm against Hide’s neck, Kaneki pulled away slightly to admire his work, he watched with hungry eyes as red blotches began to appear upon Hide’s skin. 

Lips crashing against Hide’s in a hard kiss, Hide’s arms came around him, soft and warm. Kaneki rolled down against the other, grinding his ass down against Hide’s groin, making Hide groan into the kiss and Kaneki swallowed that right up. Hungry eyes and a hungry mouth, Kaneki was eager to devour the other from the inside out and the way Hide shivered beneath him only urged him on.


	336. Chapter 336

A line of spit between Hide’s top teeth and bottom teeth, Kaneki stared down at the other as he guided his cock into Hide’s mouth. Groaning as Hide closed his lips around Kaneki’s erection, hand in the other’s dyed hair, tufts of it between his fingers. 

Humming around Kaneki, Hide groaned at the ache in his jaw, knees against the carpet. Fingers wrapped around Kaneki’s hips, keeping the other still as his nose rubbed against the wiry hair. Swallowing as the head of Kaneki’s dick hit the back of his throat.

Eyes closed, Hide liked to listen to the quiet sounds that fell from Kaneki’s chapped lips, stuttering noise that fluttered out of the other’s chest. It was like the gentle flapping of wings in the air, Hide couldn’t get enough of it. 

Tapping his fingers against the back of Hide’s head, Kaneki curled his toes in his socks, “Hide I-I’m close,” he added voice strained as he furrowed his brow, trying his best to hold back. 

Hide didn’t hold back, sucking and slurping with reckless abandon, smiling as Kaneki’s thighs quaked. Kaneki came hot and fast down Hide’s throat, he continued to swallow around the other. 

“I’m gonna faint,” Kaneki murmured as Hide giggled below him. 

“I’ll catch you if you fall,” Hide said and Kaneki groaned.


	337. Chapter 337

Fingers entwined as Hide pulled Kaneki through the forest, dead leaves crunching under foot, bare trees stood all around them and somehow Hide knew where to go. Kaneki could only let Hide guide him as he practically dragged toward an unknown destination. 

The heat crawling up his arm from where Hide held his hand kept the Autumn chill at bay, the brightness of Hide’s jacket matched his dyed hair, Kaneki could almost convince himself that it was still summer. Birds scattered as the maneuvered through the thin trees, ahead of them the world seemed to just suddenly stop. 

They stood a few feet from the edge, watched the flocks of birds dance in the bleak sky above the cityscape, it was poetic juxtaposition that Kaneki couldn’t take his eyes off of. Hand still around Hide’s, he clutched it tight as he thought about the birds above and the busy people below. 

“Every just continues doesn’t it? With or without you,” Kaneki mused, staring out wide eyed. 

“Yeah, but I think that’s the beauty of it, it’s a cycle that never ends,” Hide said, gently squeezing Kaneki’s hand. 

“It’s actually kind of reassuring that everything will go on without you,” Kaneki said, sighing softly. Hide was like a living stress releaver, his blood pressure lowered every time the other was around, Kaneki was so comfortable he almost felt boneless, “thank you,” he murmured. 

Hide simply smiled in reply, soft and bright enough to light up the bleak Autumn sky.


	338. Chapter 338

Head leant back in such a way that Hide’s throat was beautifully exposed, neck bent elegantly. Kaneki ran his eyes over the defined muscles in Hide’s throat, he swallowed around Hide’s aching length, precum leaking onto his tongue. 

Fingers scratching against the cushions of the couch, Hide refrained from tangling them in Kaneki’s hair, afraid of hurting the other’s already distressed scalp. Shoulders hard against the back of the couch, feet planted flat against the floor as he tried desperately not to thrust his hips and choke Kaneki. 

Kaneki trailed his hand up Hide’s body, pressed it against the soft skin over Hide’s stomach, the flat hardness of the other’s chest and finally wrapped his hand around the flush of Hide’s throat. Dragging his teeth over the other’s shaft, making Hide hiss through clenched teeth, leg muscles twitching.

“I can feel you smirking,” Hide said, cracking an eye open to look down at Kaneki. He found the other staring owlishly up at him, pink lips wrapped around his straining erection, tongue flat against him. “Don’t act all innocent,” Hide added, he groaned as Kaneki swallowed around him again practically proving his point.


	339. Chapter 339

Eyes on the way the light came through the shade and streaked across Hide’s back, Kaneki kneaded Hide’s shoulder with rough fingers. Hide’s own fingers were stiff around Kaneki’s thighs, mouth wrapped around the length of Kaneki, jaw open wide. Kaneki rolled back onto the mattress, tufts of Hide’s hair held in the spaces between his fingers, toes curled into the sheets. 

“Hide,” Kaneki breathed, chest heaving as he held the other to him. 

Head lulling back against the pillow, back arching sharply with Hide’s tongue pressed flat against him. Muscles clenching he squeezed his eyes shut, jaw grinding as he tried not to climax. 

Kicking his heels out, Kaneki groaned through his teeth, air hissing out through the gaps. His muscles seized up and he went rigid as he came hard down Hide’s throat, head spinning from the way Hide swallowed around him. 

“If you didn’t send me to heaven then why do I have come down,” Kaneki murmured, moist palm still in Hide’s hair. He felt the other laugh more than he heard it, shaking against him.


	340. Chapter 340

The straw grass was up to their shoulders, it scratched at Kaneki’s cheek as he stood watching Hide smile back at him. It was enough to light up the entire field around them, light shinning off of his pristine teeth, hands held between them. Kaneki ignored the sweat building between their palms, a warmth built and ran up his arms to the point where he was sweltering but he only tightened his hold on Hide’s hand. 

“If we were smokers this whole field would go up in an instant,” Hide said, looking out over the field that molded itself to the curve of the hillside. 

“It’s a good thing that we both value our lungs then,” Kaneki returned, despite the way the dry heat was stifling him. 

Something in Hide’s smile changed then, it grew sharper at the edges until Hide was baring down upon him. Hide tackled Kaneki to the ground wearing that mischievous smile looming over him, giggle like a naughty child. Kaneki couldn’t help but smile back up at the other, Hide’s mood was always kind of infectious and that was never truer as he felt the laughter bubble up inside his chest.


	341. Chapter 341

The snow softly crunched under their feet, gloved hands wrapped around each other, if one of them slipped they were definitely taking the other down. The street was lit harshly by the florescent lights filtering out of the stores, that light bounced softly off of the gentle snow that fell around them. 

“You fit right in with winter,” Hide breathed, hood up and the fabric draped around Hide’s face. Making the shadows sharp across upon his face, smiling softly as he stared at Kaneki. 

“Is it just because I’ve got white hair right now?” Kaneki asked, brow arched as he stared back at Hide, frowning lightly at the other.

“Not just that,” Hide said, chuckling slightly, “your personality and overall demeanour,” he added with a smirk. 

“You’re saying I’m icy?” Kaneki returned, brows pinched together and upturned, almost smirking as he tried to tear Hide down. 

“I’m just here to melt your heart,” Hide murmured, bumping his shoulder against Kaneki’s, unable to hold back his laughter at the sound of Kaneki’s spluttering.

“You’re really freaking awful,” Kaneki said, jabbing his elbow into Hide’s side. 

“And you love it,” Hide replied, smiling from ear to ear, smiling bright enough to make Kaneki wince.


	342. Chapter 342

It had taken Hide quite a while to notice but Kaneki was asleep beside him, head leant back against the couch and book loosely held in his grasp upon his lap. Hide slipped his headphones off of his head as he turned off the music, shifting toward the other; he’d hardly ever seen Kaneki sleep once during their freshmen year of college, now it seemed to be catching up with the other.

Kaneki’s dark eyelashes were softly pressed against his cheeks, black lashes upon pale cheeks. It felt kind of scandalous to watch Kaneki like this, but Hide could seem to tear his eyes away, caught as they were on the subtle parting of Kaneki’s lips. 

Hide hadn’t really had the luxury of free time and space to stare unabashedly at Kaneki, he’d wanted to but he also wasn’t the kind of creep that just stared at someone until things got awfully awkward. Now though, Hide was free to stare, eyes scanning Kaneki’s gently mussed hair and the way the afternoon light shimmered upon those inky locks. 

He knew Kaneki didn’t believe it, but Hide truly thought that the other was beautiful in that softly porcelain way, it was almost as though Kaneki were a doll. 

“Staring’s rude, you know,” Kaneki murmured, eyes mere slits as he stared at Hide. 

“I think pretending to sleep’s more rude,” Hide threw back, turning back to his paper to hide the gentle blush spreading over his cheeks, but unable to dampen the smile pushing against the corners of his lips. 

“Maybe,” Kaneki said, the tiniest hint of laughter in his voice as he picked up the book in his lap again.


	343. Chapter 343

The boat rocked gently in the subtle breeze, Kaneki was spread out along the bench of the small wooden boat, the only sound that could be heard over the placid lake was Hide cracking open a can of coke. 

“You’re not even going to try to catch any fish?” Hide asked, fishing rod loosely held in one hand as he tipped the coke back with the other. 

“I don’t think there’s even fish in this lake,” Kaneki threw back, turning the page of his book, “it’s not like you’re really trying either,” he added, looking over at the other as he looked over the top of the book with an arched brow. 

“Well, it’s not the point of fishing anyway,” Hide said, shrugging as he wrapped his hands around the fishing rod, acting as though he was taking it more serious. 

“It’s not the point of fishing to fish?” Kaneki asked, sitting up as he began to laugh.

“Yeah,” Hide replied, smiling with all the confidence in the world. 

“If you say so,” Kaneki snickered, watching the way the soft light lit Hide’s smile, “what do I know about fishing.”


	344. Chapter 344

The car stank of the sweat that had soaked into the fabric of the seats, Kaneki couldn’t find it within himself to care much since he was still sweating. Their shitty car didn’t have air conditioning and was practically cooking them inside it, even without the majority of his clothes Kaneki was still dripping with sweat. 

Legs loosely wrapped around Hide’s waist as the other’s hips were pressed to his backside, Kaneki groaned as he rolled his body with Hide’s. The car rocked with their movements, it didn’t really matter though, they were out in the middle of nowhere with nothing but the long stretch of road and the wide expanse of desert around them. 

Hide’s hair was gritty between Kaneki’s fingers, lips to Kaneki’s neck gentle and sweet despite the stuttered forcefully movements of his hips. Strangled moans struggled their way out of Kaneki’s throat as he dug his blunt fingernails into Hide’s back, clawing his way down. 

“Is it hotter because we might get caught?” Hide said, almost laughing as he littered Kaneki’s chest with kisses. 

“I think it’s just hot in general,” Kaneki returned, bead of sweat rolling down his brow.


	345. Chapter 345

Fingers wrapped around his arms, Hide held Kaneki close and head ducked as he pressed his forehead to Kaneki’s shoulder. Kaneki could feel the other shaking against him, breath stuttering as it came out of Hide that sound made Kaneki’s throat clog up. 

Kaneki raised his hand and pressed it to the top of Hide’s head, held Hide there. They’d always been each other’s support and the distance had put so much pressure on them, the reunion was almost more than either of them could handle. 

“We’re home now,” Kaneki murmured, voice wavering and thick with emotion.

“Welcome back,” Hide said, smile pressed weakly to Kaneki’s skin as wrapped his arms firmly around Kaneki. He wasn’t about to let the other go again.


	346. Chapter 346

The car rattled and shuddered as it barreled down the highway, it was so dark that it was nearly impossible to tell where the ground stopped and the sky started, the horizon was in the middle out there somewhere but Hide couldn’t see it. Hide could only see as far as the headlights reached, the hard beams lit the road as the white lines shot toward and underneath them. 

He turned his eyes inside the car, dragged them over to Kaneki and studied the other’s gentle jawline, elbow lent against the door and chin rested upon his palm, black swath of hair spilled out from the crown of Kaneki’s head, skin hued in darkness and still it looked luminescent in the low light. 

“Watch the road,” Kaneki murmured, eyes still out the window

“It’s a straight road,” Hide said, turning back toward the road, smile curved around his mouth at the fact that he got caught. 

“It’s pitch black,” Kaneki returned, bluntly. 

“So why’re you looking out the window then?” Hide shot back, easily settling into the well worn rhythm of their conversations, like the back and forth of a tennis rally. 

“I can watch you without being caught out or distracting you,” Kaneki said, as though it were nothing but if Hide’d had anything in his mouth it would have been shot all over the windscreen.


	347. Chapter 347

Dark roots and blonde tips, the lighter colour stretched out like a halo around Hide’s head, Kaneki’s smile spread wide and soft as though it were beaming out from his very core. He pressed his palm to Hide’s cheek, the other pushed back into the touch like a kitten. Words of adoration caught in Kaneki’s throat, so he made his point with actions, Kaneki surged up, like waves breaking against a cliff face, and forced their lips together. 

Hide’s breath swept down over his upper lip, the other sank slowly down Kaneki, pressing him further into the mattress with the gentle pressure of his weight. Kaneki sighed, breaking the soft and heavy kiss, head rolling back as Hide used his hips to grind their groins together. His fingers were quick in the other’s hair, his nails grazed Hide’s scalp and he watched as the pleasure marred Hide’s boundless smile. 

Hide was being uncharacteristically quiet, but it wasn’t as though Kaneki himself had though of anything since the last time words had bubbled up in his throat, maybe they were both scared of breaking the serene fragility of the moment between them. It didn’t matter really anyway, Kaneki figured that they knew each other well enough to adequately guess what the other wanted to say, Kaneki could practically hear all of those unspent words in every sigh and breath that spilled from between Hide’s lips.


	348. Chapter 348

Kaneki shivered as Hide dragged his fingertips over the expanse of the other back, moving from one shoulder to the other, he watched as Kaneki’s eyes shuttered. He was simply enraptured, paper pale skin that was almost see-through was offset by the inky black sway of hair, a beautifully monochrome juxtaposition. It had Hide thinking of the iconic stars of the silver screen, soft lighting and gentle expressions. Hide couldn’t help but to reach out continuing to caress Kaneki’s exposed skin, palm flat against Kaneki’s back, he felt the other press against him. 

Sighing in the soft midday light, it was a lazy Sunday afternoon and the streaks of light that pushed through the spaces between the shades, Hide watched the way that small particles of dust caught the light as he pressed the heel of his palm hard against the small of Kaneki’s back. Kaneki groaned, back arching and fingers curled in the sheets below them. Hide cracked a wide smile at the sound, dipping his head down to press feather light kisses upon Kaneki’s shoulder. Slowly sinking into the other’s warmth, heat and softness cloying in its sweet seduction as Kaneki continued to open up to him like a delicately blooming flower.


	349. Chapter 349

Bent sharply against the rickety fence, Kaneki curled his toes inside his socks inside his shoes as Hide pressed feather light kisses against his neck. He grasped the chipped wood in his sweaty hands, something support his fluttering frame under the horridly gentle. Hide’s breath swept over him softly, tickling his skin and he chuckled lightly into Hide’s hair.

“I love that noise,” Hide said, lips ghosting over Kaneki’s neck as he spoke. 

Kaneki couldn’t think of anything to say, he simply blushed at the other as Hide looked at him, that ever present smile beaming at him. It was far more than he could handle, Hide’s smiles were so full of joy and warmth that Kaneki sometimes thought that Hide hid the sun behind his teeth. He continued to watch as Hide watched him, that smile crawling wider and wider until Hide shot forward and kissed him. 

The kiss was deep and firm, it made his feet slide in the dirt, hands lost between holding fast onto the fence and reaching out for Hide. He shot one hand out, pressed his palm against Hide’s cheek, the other’s skin was warm and slightly gritty from the sweat. 

The gentle breeze rolled through the field, swept through the grass as though it were running through it. It made goose flesh rise upon his skin, Kaneki wanted desperately to commit this very moment to memory. He wanted to forever remember the way Hide smelled, felt and tasted, they way Hide had looked at him, the feeling of the early June sun upon his skin, the feeling of the breeze through his hair, the way his heart was so full it was fit to burst. 

He wanted to hold this moment for eternity.


	350. Chapter 350

Touch as light as feathers danced along his side, feeling out the peaks and valleys of his ribs, making his chest stutter with wavering moans. Kaneki felt as though he were in a spot light, warmth and brightness cascading down around him in the form of Hide’s unwavering adoration. Hide’s breath and broken moans were akin to french horns and angel wings to his ears, love and devotion pressed upon his lips like strawberries and cream. 

Soft hands held him tight, pushed his legs further apart, allowing Hide to hold them closer together. Buried deep inside Kaneki, making his thighs quiver as he wrapped his legs around Hide’s waist, feeling as though he didn’t deserve the showering of adoration and whispered devotion but he was too selfish to push Hide away. 

Fingers in Hide’s soft hair, Kaneki held their mouths together, huffing hot air down Hide’s throat. Trying his best to show Hide something close to the boundless awe being thrown his way, knowing full well that he couldn’t come anywhere close.


	351. Chapter 351

The springs creaked under Kaneki’s weight as he shifted to better look out the window and actually see what Hide was pointing at, which made their shoulder’s brush in a way that sent pleasant shivers rolling down his body. Hide’s smile was luminous and if Kaneki was being honest it was stealing his attention, he was certainly struggling to keep his focus on the fading stars. 

“…and he told the gods or whoever to put his lover in the sky and that’s like the most romantic thing that I’ve ever heard. I mean, could you imagine someone loves you so much they put you up there in the sky?” Hide grossed, giddy over his ameture classical Greek history, rosy eyed and shiny cheeked. 

“I’m not sure that’s entirely how it went,” Kaneki murmured, caught by the other’s visage. 

“Neither am I,” Hide said, turning to face Kaneki, smiling wide and showing his teeth. 

Kaneki couldn’t handle that unabashed gaze, he felt that creeping heat of a blush begin to crawl across the bridge of his nose. He turned his eyes out of the window and back up at the stars, Hide was already a star in Kaneki’s mind, burning so brightly beside him. 

“I don’t want to put you in the sky, I want to keep here besides me,” Kaneki said absentmindedly, that blush reached down to his neck as Hide began to giggle.

“How romantic,” Hide replied, smiling softly from behind his hand as Kaneki flopped onto the mattress, face pressed into the pillow hiding his smile.


	352. Chapter 352

The scent of smoke lingered in the air and the scratchy sheets stuck to their clammy skin, mouths hungry against each other. The crappy motel had thin walls and Hide had the feeling that Kaneki had started kissing him so as though he didn’t have to listen to what was happening in the next room anymore, Hide was pressed flush against the uneven mattress, the springs stuck into his back as Kaneki bore down on him. Breaths hot and fast through his nose, hips rolling together and Kaneki swallowed down the broken groans that fell from Hide’s throat.

Nails scratching against the sheets, Hide carded his fingers through Kaneki’s sharp straw-like hair, the shock of white complimented the other’s pale skin tone. His legs twitched as their erections rubbed together through their clothes, fingers clawing at each other’s skin. The way Kaneki moaned against his lips sent shivers down his spine as they held each other close, desperate to devour each other. Their desire was more than evident through their motions, it was breathed between their lips and beat a frantic rhythm through their veins.

“I know it’s not home, but I’m glad we’re together,” Hide muttered against the skin of Kaneki’s cheek, “finally,” he added, sighing as their hips rolled together again.

“Home’s wherever we’re together,” Kaneki returned, smirking onto their wet smacking kiss. Hide couldn’t agree more, he’d never felt right without the other, it was what made them claw at each other and cling to each other desperately, their joining was akin to a home coming.


	353. Chapter 353

Hipbones sharply pressed against his skin as Hide arched his back off of the bed, fingers lost in the stark shock of Kaneki’s white hair, it scratched against his palm like straw. Kaneki’s mouth was warm and wet around the length of him, Hide himself wouldn’t have known whether or not Kaneki was being skillful and really it didn’t matter. He was simply blown away that the other would want to do it, simply amazed at the way Kaneki handled him so gently, as soft as a feather’s touch. Hide was so close that his toes began to curl, he felt branded where Kaneki’s hands were wrapped around his thighs, the other’s touch lighting a fire under his skin. His muscles shook under Kaneki’s grasp, neck strained as he tried his hardest to keep eye contact with Kaneki.

At the peak of the crescendo that was his orgasm, Hide’s neck gave in and his head dropped down onto the pillow, mouth gaping as a groan forced its way out of his throat. As suddenly as his muscles had seized they all relaxed and Hide slumped against the mattress, dumb wide smile plastered across his face. He awkwardly craned his neck to the side and watched as Kaneki licked his lips, the other rose slowly from between his legs, Kaneki smiled softly back as he crawled over Hide’s body. Kaneki dropped himself down beside Hide, the length of their bodies pressed together, and got comfortable like an over-sized cat. Hide chuckled as he watched, glad that he was a place where Kaneki could get comfortable.


	354. Chapter 354

Fingers gently glided their way over the hills and valleys of Kaneki’s spine, he could barely see the other’s eyes through the stark shock of white hair as Kaneki watched him. Hide wondered what was going through Kaneki’s mind as the other watched him, he couldn’t quite tell if it was apprehension or fear, either way Hide just wanted Kaneki to relax and for the other to feel comfortable around him. 

Kaneki’s entire body tensed the moment Hide’s fingers slide over the small of his back, Hide noticed but he didn’t stop, instead he focused on that one spot. Moving his fingers round and around in a soft circular motion, Hide dipped his head down and pressed sweet kisses upon Kaneki’s skin. 

He wasn’t naive enough to think that it was his fault that Kaneki wasn’t melting into him, Hide had seen the horror that’d been etched onto Kaneki’s bones set deep in the other’s eyes. He’d also heard the stories and seen things he’d rather not recall in the CCG, so he could begin to imagine the things that Kaneki through. Still, Hide wanted to be a safe haven, someone that Kaneki could feel safe around. 

Hands gentle against Kaneki’s deceptively unmarred skin, Hide smiled with his lips pressed to the other’s skin. Eventually Kaneki relaxed into his touch, sighing into the sheets as the sun streaked over Kaneki’s back. Hide watched as Kaneki’s previously wild and wary eyes slid closed, sinking into the atmosphere of the lazy afternoon. 

Hide quietly hoped that Kaneki could find solace in his dreams.


	355. Chapter 355

The sky was bleak and shrouded with clouds, the snow below wore the day’s dirt and so it was had to tell where the two met. The line between sky and ground was hard to discern, the horizon marred. It left Kaneki feeling lost, as though he were in a world devoid of colour and life. Simply a void.

Such quiet terror was shattered with the roarous crunching of snow under foot, Kaneki turned his head to find Hide sprinting toward him. He watched as the air puffed out of Hide, the other’s bright yellow jacket was like a beacon in the muted morning. Hide’s colour bled into the rest of the world and brought warmth to his numb face, it felt as though he’d been revived when Hide’s arms came around him. 

“Mornin’,” Hide chimed as though his nose wasn’t running like a tap. 

“Good morning,” Kaneki replied, arms slow to wrap around Hide, he sighed as he let the other’s heat seep into him like sunbeams.


	356. Chapter 356

Tumbling to the floor with a groan, Hide and Kaneki landed in a tangled mess of limbs as a half empty plate of food clattered to the floor beside them. Neither of them paid the scattered food any mind, too preoccupied as they were with each other, mouth to mouth. Kaneki’s teeth grazed over Hide’s skin, sharp straw like white hair poked and tickled Hide as Kaneki moved his mouth down the side of Hide’s neck. 

Teeth grazed over the sensitive skin, making Hide gasp and shudder beneath him. Rough and calloused fingers slid into Hide’s underwear as Kaneki’s wrapped his fingers around Hide, erection straining against the zipper of jeans, the pressure was relieved by the space that Kaneki’s hand created. 

Fingers gripped around Kaneki’s biceps, Hide breathed harshly into the rough expanse of Kaneki’s hair. Legs shaking as Kaneki’s wrist continued snap, pulling him to the brink before dragging him hurtling over the edge. Ejaculate streaming over Kaneki’s knuckles as he dug his fingers into Kaneki’s raw scalp as he came, Kaneki closed his teeth around Hide’s shoulder tasting the other’s passion through salty sweat coating Hide’s skin.


	357. Chapter 357

Heels in the sand, Hide wrapped had his arms around his legs as Kaneki slathered his back in sunscreen. The lotion was cool against his skin and it made him shiver slightly, but it felt nice in the almost intense summer heat. The chitter and giggling of fun was pervasive through the air, it made Hide feel light and kind of giddy. Kaneki’s fingers were soft against Hide’s back, warmer than the sunscreen and cooler than the warmth of the sun, it felt like a gentle massage that Hide couldn’t lean into Kaneki’s touch. 

“Wanna play volleyball?” Hide asked, smile evident in his tone. 

“Not really,” Kaneki replied lightly, “I’d definitely lose and you’d just make lame memes at me,” he added laughing lightly. 

“Hey, at least we’ll get some exercise,” Hide said, turning to face the other, smiling wider still. 

“Are you trying to say something?” Kaneki asked, brow arched as he stared at Hide. 

“No?” Hide said incredulously, earning himself a light smack around the side of the head, he could only laugh in reply.


	358. Chapter 358

Sticky rice shone softly in the ceramic bowl, the soup steamed nicely in the middle of the table, Hide set down the plates with a soft smile. Kaneki was salivating from the aromas mixing in the air over the table, but he waited for Hide to sit before he began to eat.

“You’ve out done yourself again,” Kaneki muttered around the slice of breaded chicken covered in curry, it was so good he could have groaned. 

“Don’t call it a comeback,” Hide said smugly, smiling as he shoved rice into his mouth. 

Kaneki scoffed, rolling his eyes as he chewed, still though it was nice to sit together at a table like a family. Their stapled together homemade family, it was nice to have someone to have dinner with, he had spent such a long time eating on the floor alone. Now he had Hide, someone that was more than family to him, it meant so much that he couldn’t begin to articulate how he felt.

“Thank you,” Kaneki said, almost halfway through his meal. They were the only words he could find, but he figured they would be enough for someone like Hide. 

“Anytime,” Hide said, flicking bits of rice across the table as he spoke, his sunny attitude always settled the chills that ran through Kaneki in the other’s introspective times. 

This alone, being able to calmly sit together at a table and have dinner was more than enough for the pair of them and it showed in the warm and comfortable silences they shared.


	359. Chapter 359

Fingers wrapped around the receiver, fingernails tapping against the plastic as he listened to the ringing tone that rattled into his ear. It had been weeks since he’d heard Hide’s voice and Kaneki was beginning to wonder how long it would take before he forgot, the human mind was a fragile container that could only hold so much and aged just as quickly as the body. Curled up against the headboard beside the nightstand, coiled wire connecting him and the phone to the wall. 

“Hello,” Hide’s cheery voice came through the receiver.

It felt as though all of Kaneki’s stress subsided the moment he heard that voice, blood lowering from those two syllables alone. Maybe it was romantic, maybe it was pathetic, Kaneki couldn’t tell and quite frankly he didn’t care to know. 

“Hey,” he sighed down the line, leaning further into the pillow and the mattress beneath it. 

“Sounds like it’s been a long day,” Hide said, smile so evident in his voice that Kaneki could easily picture it. 

“More like a long week,” Kaneki replied, eyes on the bleak dying evening light over the angular city skyline. 

“Heh, yeah?” Hide said softly and Kaneki went on to unload all the weight upon his shoulders, casting it to the ground as they spoke long into the night. 

Darkness crept across the city and their crackling voices filled that night, Hide’s support felt like being cradled by clouds that occasionally told lame jokes. Hide’s gentle and familiar tone lulled Kaneki to sleep with the other’s soft laughter breaking over the line before Hide said good night and hung up. Dial tone ringing into Kaneki’s dreams.


	360. Chapter 360

The parking lot was coated in a layer of standing water, it reflected the painted sky and had Kaneki turning his eyes skyward, it was as though it had come from the brush strokes of the long gone Monet. The car moved through the wide puddle, disturbing the picturesque reflection, rolling small waves through the tiny ocean. 

Hide parked the beat up car in the only dry spot, he turned the keys and the engine died making the world so much quieter, as though someone had shushed the entire continent. Sunflower hair slid into Hide’s eyes as he pulled the list out of his jean pocket, the small piece of paper had been folded several times and curved in his hand. 

“Milk, cheese and…what the hell is that?” Hide muttered, brows furrowed as he stared at his own writing. “Oh, instant coffee, right I’ll be back in a few, sit tight home slice,” Hide said as he climbed out of the car, making some strange sort of sign with his hands. 

“Home slice?” Kaneki repeated with a sneer and upturned brows, Hide simply shrugged closing the door before walking off into the store. 

Kaneki pulled the worn paperback off of the dashboard, pages yellowed and curled, he read in the dying sunlight as the street lamps buzzed to life like the changing of shifts. It wasn’t long before Hide returned to the car, the sound of the other entering the car brought Kaneki out of the world of the book. Looking up, Kaneki found that the world had turned dark around him when he hadn’t been looking. The pastel colours had turned to blue and green hues tinged by the neon lights of the shopping district.

He took the bag from Hide as the other climbed back in, the car roared back to life, shattering the eerie silence. Kaneki smiled as he watched Hide’s tongue poke out from the corner of the other’s mouth, concentration high as they pulled out of the parking lot and back into civilization.


End file.
